As a full-time mom of two toddlers, I often wonder if my mothering is enough for my babies. For their hearts, their minds, and their growth. All that and then some. My around-the-clock calling right now is caring for and nurturing my children. And sometimes, that role leaves me filled with self-doubt. Mom guilt for what I haven’t done perfectly. The constant pressure that feels like the world’s weight is on my shoulders. And, frankly, a yearning for an occasional affirmation that I am doing this whole “raising humans” thing right.

Which brings me to a chance encounter I’ll cherish forever. It was an ordinary midweek autumn morning like any other, just me and my babies. We headed to the children’s play museum for a few hours, as we often do to break up the days that can easily blend together without such plans. I knew we’d have our typical fun (and a long car nap afterward), but I didn’t expect to leave with much-needed encouragement and newfound confidence in my mothering abilities.

To the kind-hearted museum staff member who took the time to see me, talk with me, and affirm me that day, this one’s for you. And others like you who’ve done the same for mamas like me.

A Letter of Thanks to You Who Complimented My Mothering

Hi there,

You might not remember me or my spunky, hard-to-forget 1-year-old and 2-year-old. And, of course, they won’t remember you. But I do, and I will. Probably for a very long time. Maybe even forever.

You see, the day we crossed paths was a day I’ll always treasure. It was a typical kid-run morning on my end. And I’m guessing it was a typical day of work for you. My hair was half-done, my twice-worn daily mom uniform (a sweatshirt and leggings, of course) probably had fresh applesauce and teething drool, and my toddlers were most definitely, well . . . toddlers. Both they and I were running on who knows how little broken sleep. You see, my oldest has been in the nap strike phase for a bit now, while my youngest is going through a major bout of separation anxiety at bedtime. In other words, none of us have been well-rested for a while.

For me, it’s not just physically well-rested that I’m referring to — but mentally and emotionally. Like any other overstimulated, touched-out, running-on-empty mama of multiple tiny humans.

We’re in the age of trying-to-share but not-quite-there, “hands aren’t for hitting and feet aren’t for kicking,” and learning to give each other grace upon grace upon grace. Because life with two tiny humans — while beautiful, wonderful, and ever-entertaining — is hard. We’re in the thick of it, and that day at the play museum was no different than any other.

You Saw the Chaos

I’m sure you saw (and heard) our chaos clear as day. But you also saw me. A mother. A mama. A mom. A woman simply doing my best with my babies. Trying to keep my 1-year-old and 2-year-old in one place. Or at least both within eyesight. Trying to keep my curious explorers from escaping into the next room. To keep little hands to themselves and mess after mess picked up, keeping the peace and everyone happy and entertained, and being there for both babies at once. To keep it all together.

In a world that so often doesn’t see mothers for the endless, weighted load we carry, you did. You saw me. You saw my work. In a world that often glares at mothers just trying to get through each day, you looked on in appreciation. You noticed me.

“You’re a wonderful mother,” you offered, after taking it upon yourself to help me wrangle in my too-quick-for-my-own-good mini-mes. And that was an extraordinary gift. It was one of the best I’ve ever received.

You proceeded to ask if I was, at one point, a teacher (I was). You praised the way I spoke to and with my children. The language. The dialogue. You commended my ability to engage with my babies and their play. To positively reinforce. To guide and nurture. You praised them, too. You applauded their cheerful energy. Their vocabulary and vocalness. Their friendliness and warmth.

You Reminded Me I’m Making a Difference

In doing that, you reminded me that my work as a mom is making a difference. Even more, I’m getting the job done fully. That I’m not just getting by. That my children aren’t just getting by. That I’m succeeding. And they’re thriving.

Perhaps most significantly, you made me feel seen. Heard. Valued. Worthy.

You reminded me that all the little moments I pour into being a mom add up to something noticeable. Something special, important, irreplaceable.

And as odd as it sounds, I was taken aback by your heartfelt gesture of complimenting my mothering on that ordinary, child-centered day. I probably didn’t verbally express my gratitude for your kindness toward me as much as I should have, but I hope you felt it.

You see, the type of affirmation you offered was a rare blessing. And on that random midweek morning, I needed it more than you might have realized. Or maybe you did realize how much I needed it. I don’t know. It doesn’t matter, though. What matters is the kindness you didn’t have to show — to me, a random mother you don’t even know.

So, dear stranger, thank you. From the bottom of my heart. For seeing me in all my motherhood — mess and magic — and for choosing to speak life into me.

Moms everywhere need more encouragement from people like you.

Sincerely,

Me — That Slightly Frazzled, Full-Hearted Mom of Two You Got to Know at the Play Museum on That Ordinary Midweek Day

My firstborn is going to be three soon. Not three weeks or three months: 3 whole years old. It’s creeping up on me, and I’m not quite sure I’m ready. That age-old saying about time being a thief? It’s never felt more real than during this loud and clear transition from 2 to 3 years old. Call me emotional, but I’d even go as far as to say that this one is the epitome of bittersweet.

Although I’m only a few years into my motherhood journey, I can easily see how time flies when you’re a parent of a child — or children — of any age. Watching your tiny human grow from 2 to 3, though? It almost feels like we’re catapulting straight from the tiniest years into full-on kidhood. Maybe you can relate if you’re a fellow mama of a 2-turning-3.

The Start of 2 Feels Like Just Yesterday

It seems like I was just planning for my daughter’s second birthday. While we didn’t do a family and friends party like we did for her first, we did go all out in our special way. We decked out our playroom with climbing toys she was starting to show interest in, filled the house with helium balloons, and had multiple rounds of cake and ice cream. We planned a weekend getaway full of firsts for our girl — like feeding lorikeets up close and personal at a bird sanctuary. We brought her favorite stuffy and beloved paci along for the adventure.

Since then, those climbing toys have become second nature. We’ve moved from beaming at the sight of floating balloons to requesting specifically-named, masterfully-tied balloon animals. We’ve moved from messy cake frosting and ice cream licks to helping crack and pour eggs into homemade brownie batter. We’ve moved on from feeding sanctuary birds up close and personal for the first time to the second and third times — and riding ponies without fear or hesitation. We’ve moved on from favorite stuffies in hand to favorite puppy and unicorn purses filled to the brim. And the beloved paci? We’ve moved on. That’s it. I never thought I’d say it, but sometimes I actually miss it. Or, at the very least, the representation of that fleeting and precious babyhood that, in hindsight, came with it.

This Stage Hasn’t Been Terrible — It’s Been Magical

People talk about the twos as if they’re “terrible.” As if 2 is a year to armor up for and power through. But in my honest opinion, there’s so much more to 2. There’s an explosion of every little spark of magic that I’d never want to fight off. An explosion of vocabulary. An explosion of personality. An explosion of autonomy. A burst of love, laughter, awe-filled moments, and, for me, the essence of happily ever after. Not a day passes that I don’t look at my soon-to-be-3-year-old in complete awe and tell her she’s my dream come true. Because she is. This is 2. And it’s incredible.

At the start of 2 years old, my baby girl was my baby. Of course, she still is — and always will be, in a sense — but it’s not quite the same. As we move closer and closer to 3, my heart can feel things changing. My arms can feel things changing because they are. Not in a bad way, but in a genuinely hard-to-believe way. At the start of 2, much of each day (and night) was defined by full arms: mine. Rocking to sleep. Carrying. Holding. Now, there’s still a lot of carrying and holding. But my soon-to-be-3’s arms are the full ones. Full with baby dolls to take care of, picture books to read independently, and picked-out-all-by-herself outfits, accessories, and sparkly red shoes to dress up in. Again, all by herself. Because such is the essence of transitioning from 2 to 3.

Transitioning From 2 to 3 is Happening Too Fast

Every moment of witnessing my daughter come into her own ever-evolving identity is a wonderful gift. But sometimes (okay, most of the time), it feels like it’s happening way too fast. At the start of 2, we were honing sentences and singing simple songs on repeat. Now, we’re in the age of questioning everything (literally, everything) and self-initiated, fully independent storytelling. At the start of 2, we were still on the younger end of our mommy-and-me baby gymnastics group. Since then, we’ve moved on to twirls, plies, first recitals, and all things tutus and ballet.

At the start of 2, we were testing the limits with Crayola-sponsored artwork on every inch of every room. Now, we’re painting perfectly arched rainbows and drawing red and green apples (with stems, nonetheless). We’re suddenly beginning to color inside the lines — yet stepping further and further outside of the box all the while. Stirring, sweet, and painstakingly difficult to grasp as it may be, 2 to 3 is a magnificent yet way-too-soon masterpiece.

Life has never felt as fleeting and short as it has since becoming a mom. This is especially true as I cling to what remains of my firstborn’s toddlerhood and prepare for her to continue blossoming into the unique, extraordinary human being she is. With each passing day, it seems to go faster and faster. The transition from 2 to 3 is one I wish we could hold onto just a bit longer . . . or keep around, somehow, forever.

When our kids start school and begin to make friends, we sometimes find ourselves developing relationships with their friends’ parents. But here’s the thing: We might not want to be around these people. If our kids are friends, do we have to be friends with their parents too? Nope. And we don’t have to feel guilty about it.

It can be great if our kids’ friends have parents we enjoy being around and become fast friends with, but that isn’t always the case. We might find ourselves trying to force some odd friendship out of an obligation to our kids. Chances are, if we’re feeling weird about it, the other parents probably are, too. So, it’s best to keep things casual and not try to become BFFs with people just because our kids like each other.

How can we send our kids to a stranger’s house who we know nothing about? Well, we don’t do that. Getting to know people and building trust differs from calling them up and planning a weekend getaway together. But if we know enough about the family and know our children will be safe with them, it is okay to let them build a friendship, even the best friendship, with someone whose parent is not our best friend.

My Best Friend’s Mom Wasn’t Friends With Mine

I can remember when I was a kid, my very best friend in the whole world — still my best friend to this day — was at my house all the time, and I spent a lot of time at hers. But our parents were not great friends. Yes, they were acquaintances and knew each other well enough to allow us to spend days at the other’s house, but it didn’t go beyond that.

Our moms knew we were being cared for by the other moms, and that was all that mattered to them. I felt loved by my best friend’s mother. I told her all kinds of secrets, and she helped me with my homework and made my favorite dinner when I was at her home. She was an important part of my growing up, separate from my mother. My best friend had a very similar life with my mother, and to this day, they can spend hours talking even if they haven’t seen each other in years. Our relationships with each other and our mothers are beautiful and unique, even though they don’t intersect with the older adults.

Not Interested Anymore In Making New Friends

As my children age, I have become increasingly uninterested in building friendships with new people. In my 40s, I have plenty of close friends, and acquaintances are all I need. This has been most difficult with my youngest child. She is in a class with many first-time moms who want to be social with happy hour and girls’ weekends. That is all fine, but I am not in that stage anymore. I have kids in high school. There isn’t enough time for all of that. But they are the moms of my daughter’s friends, so I am cordial and kind, but that is about as far as it goes.

It’s not that I don’t like these people; it’s just that I don’t share their ideas of a good time. I am not judging or casting aspersions on their behavior. It’s just that it isn’t in my best interests to go out with the girls and be away from my family, so I don’t.

Social Media Can Tell Us Who Someone Is

Today, thanks to social media, getting to know people without actually talking to them is a lot easier. It may sound creepy, but if you friend or follow people on social media, you can learn much about what you need to know before you decide whether to encourage your child to become close friends with another kid. No, you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover, but photos and videos people post online can give a lot of insight into their lives and might give you a reason to talk to them, ask some questions, and learn more about them.

Try not to take it personally if your kids’ friend’s parents don’t want to be your friend, either. It may not feel great, but their parents may have these same kinds of feelings. Their cup may be too full already, and adding more friends isn’t in the cards right now. That’s okay, too.

More than anything, even if you aren’t best friends with your kids’ friends’ parents, ensure you are still encouraging them to foster those meaningful relationships. You might not want any new best friends, but teaching your child that it is important to treat their friends’ parents with respect and to have good manners is very important.

No matter what, always know where your kids are, who they are with, and that they are safe. Even if the parents aren’t your good friends, as long as they are responsible, caring adults and your kids are friends, it’s okay for them to become friends.

If I could just get five minutes to myself.

I remember thinking this half a dozen times last week while playing with my 3-year-old daughter, Adley. Playing with her is usually something I genuinely enjoy. But after she was up three times overnight and then decided to stay up for good at 5:15 a.m., enjoyment wasn’t what I felt.

Exhaustion is all I felt. Then, like a miracle from the heavens, my break came. Not from my wife, or family, or friends. But from Adley’s imagination. “Daddy, if you don’t turn on the TV, I’m putting you in timeout!”

Find a Break When You Can

This unexpected but perfectly timed threat was exactly what I needed. So, like any exhausted parent would do, I called her bluff. “We’re not going to watch TV right now, but I guess Daddy will go in timeout,” I told her, sounding as remorseful as possible.

I wanted to sell this so I wouldn’t miss my chance, and it worked like a charm! I sat on the stairs outside the playroom for five minutes “thinking about what I had done.” Really, I just spent the time looking at my phone while Adley continued playing with her toys. It was the recharge I needed, and I came back in a better head space.

A Parenting Break is Self-Care

This may seem like a toddler hack or a shortcut, but in reality, it’s self-care. As a stay-at-home dad, I’m constantly prioritizing the well-being of Adley and my wife, Katie, because, in my mind, that’s part of the job. But that doesn’t mean I’m not looking for little moments to myself, especially when they are needed after a long night.

According to a recent survey from Philips Avent, 88% of parents with children three and under agree they are better parents when they can focus on self-care. In this survey, self-care included:¹

• Getting more sleep
• Exercising
• Eating healthy

While acknowledging what’s required, far fewer parents felt they made enough time for these things, and 70% said they felt pressure to put their child’s needs above their own.

I don’t think these survey results will surprise many parents. However, it puts into perspective the push-pull parents often feel, especially those who are full-time caregivers. How do you prioritize self-care while still being there to take care of your child? If you’re like me, you’ve read plenty of tips, like putting the kids to bed early or finding a babysitter so you can get some alone time.

Everyday Activities Can Help You Recharge

While these ideas are useful, I’ve stumbled upon some everyday activities that can help you recharge your batteries while also being a present parent.

Exercise

Let’s start with exercise. For most of the three-plus years I’ve been a father, working out has been Dad’s time. I wait for my wife to finish work, hand Adley over, and go on a run or ride our stationary bike. But now, Adley is at an age where she enjoys helping me.

Last month, I pulled up a strength training workout on our TV. I cleared space in our living room, found two sealed Play-Doh containers, and gave them to Adley to use as weights. To my surprise, she loved it!

Between the instructor on the TV and watching me, she was able to follow along and had fun doing it. Best of all, I could exercise and get a mental break from entertaining her for 30 minutes while including her in the process. I won’t tell you I would prefer to exercise with my 3-year-old. That would be a lie. But absent other options, this worked really well to settle my mind and relieve a little stress.

Chores and Meal Prep

I also started including Adley in some of my daily chores, like cooking and laundry. When I’m preparing meals for the week, she helps me measure the ingredients and mix them together.

When I’m gathering the laundry, it’s her job to take her dirty clothes out of the laundry hamper and put them in the washing machine. These may not seem like examples of self-care on the surface. But they are chores I previously did when Adley was asleep or with Mom.

Including her in the process leaves more time to focus on an activity I want to do when my wife is finished with work or when Adley is asleep. It’s better time management to make the most of the little self-care time I have. Ultimately, finding time for self-care makes us better and more forgiving parents.

A 2021 study from the Parent Researching Centre in Australia found a link between self-care and self-criticism. Parents who made time to take care of themselves were lower on self-criticism, leading to better mental health.² It’s not a leap to say parents who focused on self-care could probably function as the best versions of themselves as well.

To use a sports metaphor, you don’t always have to hit a home run to take care of yourself. Sure, getting a babysitter for an evening out is a fantastic way to recharge. But reading this article while sitting in timeout isn’t so bad, either.

I am a mom of four, and I love my kids more than I ever knew possible. I love them so much that sometimes I feel a bit of a hole in my heart because I regret not having more kids. That probably sounds totally ridiculous to a lot of people, and maybe it is, but there are days that I look around the room and feel like someone is missing.

When I was a little girl, I spent hours playing with my dolls. I still have Sherry Amelda, my first Cabbage Patch Kid; I took her with me everywhere I went. I changed her clothes, fed her, and put her to sleep. And I twisted her red yarn hair into braids and softly cleaned spots from her face and body. Sherry Amelda was my first foray into motherhood. I knew even as a young girl that I wanted a house filled with children.

Serious Regrets About Not Having Another Kid. Or Two.

I had my first baby in my late 20s, and my husband was in his mid-30s. We had three boys in five years, and life was great. Then, two days before I turned 37, a little girl entered our life. My oldest son was 8, and I felt blessed to have a baby in our home. Now, she is ready to turn 8, and her biggest brother is learning to drive. I look at my life and wonder how it went by so quickly. It makes me regret not having more kids, at least another baby or two.

Yes, life is chaotic as a big family with four kids, and we are all crammed into a house with lots of stuff and a big dog, but we are happy that way. I grew up with three brothers, and our home was always loud and filled with people. It brought me comfort. I feel the same way in my own home. Something is always happening, and people are talking, sometimes yelling, but those noises bring me joy. I think about what life will be like when it is just my husband and me, and it seems so lonely.

If we had another child or two, that joyful noise would last much longer. No, I don’t want to have enough kids that we could star in a reality show, but I regret not having another kid. Even two more would’ve been okay. My husband has said that if we had married a few years sooner, he thought six kids was a great number and would’ve loved to have had more. Thinking about that makes my heart ache a bit. I think about those what-ifs and how different our lives would be. But I can’t help but think that it would have been fantastic.

Unfortunately, We Won’t Have More Kids

I am getting ready to turn 45, and my husband will be 51. We could certainly have another baby, but we won’t. I genuinely get jealous when I see pregnant women. I loved feeling my babies growing inside of me. Even with the endless diapers, cries, and sleepless nights, it was worth all the emotions. And it’s hard for me to think about the fact that I have about ten years until my baby will be an adult.

Lots of Kids Is Exhausting, But Fulfilling

Having a house full of kids means big messes, endless laundry, dishes, and hours in the car going from one place to another. It is exhausting. But for me, it is also fulfilling. I love to look at pictures of my kids smiling and enjoying the most mundane things in life. The more children you have, the less expendable income there is. We don’t go on fancy vacations or cruises. But we go on a glorified camping trip with our families every July. My kids will tell you it’s their favorite week of the year filled with a whole lot of nothing. Those days will probably be some of their most vivid childhood memories. I hope so.

I must remember that as my children grow older, so do I. In my 40s, I have pains in body parts I didn’t know I had. My hair is sparkling with grays, and my face has some laugh lines. At my age, I probably wouldn’t be great with a baby, but I could still keep up with a kindergartner if I had one. I know you aren’t supposed to have regrets, but if I had to name one, I regret not having more kids.

I believe everything happens for a reason. So the three boys and one girl setup I have, a mirror of my family growing up, is probably what I was meant to have. But it doesn’t mean I don’t wonder, wish, and yearn for another child to love. If I am lucky, someday I hope to have a home filled with grandchildren, and I can watch my kids learn about the joys of parenthood. Until then, I’ll take every hug and kiss I get. My babies fill my soul, and I am grateful.

I’m going to be honest here. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been at the playground with my kids and observed interactions between other children and thought, “Wow. That kid is going to be an a**hole someday.” Of course, I would never say that out loud to anyone (well, maybe my sister because I know she won’t judge me). But I certainly think it — much more than I care to admit. (Seriously, please tell me I’m not the only one!)

After doing this, I wondered if other people might think that about my kids. God, I hope not! But I can’t deny my kids aren’t perfect. When it comes to raising kids, the early years are critical because they set the “tone” for a child’s behavior, values, and attitudes later in life. And studies show that disrespectful children grow up to become rude adults.¹ It’s essential that we don’t create excuses and instead tackle rudeness and disrespect head-on. Our children need skills for navigating social situations and conflict, as well as positive communication strategies to help them develop healthy and adaptive relationships . . . and not turn into a$$holes!

How To Raise a Child Who Is Not an A$$hole

There are many key strategies to raise a child to become a well-adjusted, polite, and compassionate person. While I have included specific strategies, it’s also important to understand general things that can help them develop into good human beings. This includes clear boundaries; if you say no or set a boundary, keep it.² Letting them get away with pushing boundaries is a surefire way to let our kids push limits and not take “no” for an answer. Make sure that if you set limits or consequences, you follow through.

Another critical thing to remember is modeling — monkey see, monkey do. Your children will see the way you handle situations and how you treat people.^3,4 So, ensure you demonstrate the kinds of behaviors you expect of them. Some other practical tips to ensure you are not raising your child to be an a$$hole include:

1. Practice “Please” and “Thank You”

We all should have learned this fundamental concept from a young age. Unfortunately, I hear fewer of these simple words from kids’ mouths. Teaching our kids to say “please” and “thank you” is an effortless way to encourage polite, respectful behavior.⁵ And don’t forget, kids learn the most by observing YOU.¹² Start practicing saying “please” and “thank you,” even to people you see every day and take for granted (hello, husbands!). This can lead your kids to mimic that behavior.¹³

2. Instill Good Manners From the Start

Again, good manners seem to have gone the way of the dodo. But you’re raising a child, it’s essential to instill good manners in them at a young age. The simple act of teaching your child to say “excuse me” or “yes, ma’am” or “yes, sir” goes a long way. Your child will learn how to show respect and consideration for someone other than themselves.⁶

3. Don’t Give Them Everything They Want

Listen, I struggle with this one. One of my love languages is giving gifts. I buy my kids all kinds of things because I love them and always think about making them happy. Despite my loving intentions, giving my kids everything they want will do nothing but turn them into selfish, entitled jerks. That’s the last thing I want for them. Instead, I need to show restraint and show them they can’t have everything. This will help them learn the lessons of delayed gratification, gratefulness, hard work, and gratitude.⁷

4. Start Chores Young

Giving your child chores from an early age teaches them about responsibility, natural consequences (when they don’t do them), and the satisfaction of rewards for hard work. These are all critical lessons to learn from doing chores early on.⁸ If you don’t raise a child to do chores and they are suddenly thrust into the real world (where people must be responsible and earn a living), they will be very unprepared.

5. Keep Rewards Reasonable

Don’t start giving your child $20 each time they complete the two items on their chore list. Don’t buy them a new iPad after cleaning their room for the first time in six weeks. Be reasonable about the rewards you give them; an award can be a simple “Well done, son!” and not money or things! If children get used to rewards for prosocial behavior (or behaviors you want them to repeat), they aren’t learning the real reason behind why these behaviors are necessary. Instead, they learn that they will get a reward for doing it.⁹

6. Start Community Service Young

Serving and volunteering in the community from a young age is a great way to teach your kids the art of giving back and helping others. For example, at Christmas, you can take your kids to the local soup kitchen or involve them in stuffing stockings for less fortunate children. You can include your children in many acts of kindness for helping or giving back to their community. For our children to develop empathy, which means they consider and understand the needs of others, they need to expand their circle of concern. When you’re raising your child, it’s crucial for them to learn about other ways of life and to consider and understand how other people feel.¹⁰

7. Point Out the Needs of Others

Another way of expanding their circle of concern is helping them understand other needs in social settings or their community. We drove to our local nature center the other weekend and stopped at a light near an overpass. We saw a homeless man on the corner with a sign asking for food or money. I never carry cash, and I would instead give food or something tangible they could use, and the only thing I had was an unopened bottle of water. So, I rolled down the window, gave the man my water, said, “God bless you,” and the light turned green.

As we were driving away, my daughter asked great questions about the encounter, and I taught her that many people in this world don’t have homes, enough food, or even clean water to drink. It was an eye-opening moment for her, and I know it will help her see the need around her.

8. Teach Them About Life in Other Countries

Along the same lines as the story above, teaching our children about the lives and struggles of people in other countries — especially children, because that’s who they can relate to the most — can help strengthen your kid’s ability to sympathize and think outside of their little bubble.¹⁰ Not everything is sunshine and roses for many people. I believe it is essential for children to learn how blessed they are and think about sharing those blessings with less fortunate kids.

9. Write Thank-You Notes

I may be the only mom still writing old-fashioned thank-you notes, but I don’t care. They are important! Taking the time to sit down and write a thank-you note for a gift or a kind deed that you received teaches valuable lessons on thankfulness and being grateful for gifts they’ve received, not to mention it has a far more significant impact on the recipient of the note.⁶ My kids are still too young to write on their own. So, we will sit down together, and I will have my kiddo dictate their thank-you to me, and I will write it for them. Then, I’ll have them “sign” the card and “decorate” it. They love doing this because it makes them feel good to know they’ve made someone smile by sending a thoughtful note!

I’m sure there are many more ways to raise a child using critical character-building lessons to keep them from becoming a**holes later in life. But these are the ones I’m starting with! Hopefully, if I do my job right, my kids will be decent human beings. And I won’t have to worry about other parents judging them on the playground (or anywhere else) someday.

Before we have children, we do a lot of thinking and planning. What crib should I buy? Am I going to try baby-led weaning? What faith will we raise our child in? Perhaps you are thinking about all the lovely experiences you will have together — trips to the park, their first day of school, snuggling up at bedtime, and reading a story. All these things represent us in our best state, feeling calm and in control and taking charge of parenting our little people. But you probably haven’t considered parenting triggers.

These are moments when our kids do, feel, or say something that triggers us, resulting in a potential loss of control or big emotions like guilt, powerlessness, anger, or fear.^1,2,3,4 We all have these triggers and, at times, will behave in ways we didn’t expect of ourselves. These parenting triggers may make us react in ways that are a mismatch between our values as parents and our behaviors in reality. This can make parenting even trickier than it already is.

What is a Trigger?

A trigger is something happening in the present moment that brings up feelings from the past. You know it’s a trigger because the level of response is usually well out of proportion to the thing that triggered you or represents some loss of control. The reaction to the trigger could be emotional or physical; in the extreme, you might even see a fight or flight or freeze response.^2,5 We usually associate a trigger with a past trauma or adverse life event. Still, it can also be due to stress, intense, overwhelming feelings, or even how you process (or don’t process) emotions and situations.

For example, your child begins crying hysterically because they want a cookie. Instead of responding mindfully and consciously, you react in a way that’s well out of proportion to the event. This could look like snapping and shouting, going silent and being unresponsive, leaving or fleeing from them, or having an intense emotion (guilt, frustration, etc.), among other things.

The behavior is not necessarily about your child crying but what this brings up in you or which old wound is being triggered. Were you given messages during childhood about how emotions should be expressed (and your child having a big loud feeling is triggering)? Or perhaps you are triggered by their volume, either from sensory sensitivity or memories triggered by particular noises.

What Do Parenting Triggers Look Like?

Parenting triggers are unique, just like each parent is unique. What triggers one person and makes them mad or overwhelmed might not trigger you. Triggers can be internal, like values, emotions, memories, past experiences, trauma, etc., or external, like events occurring around you or other people’s behavior.^1,2,4 However, there are a few themes or types of triggers to be aware of.

Sensory Parenting Triggers

Suppose you are highly sensitive or have specific diagnoses that can influence sensory sensitivity, like autism or sensory processing disorder. In that case, your senses might trigger you (touch, taste, smell, sound, sight).^3,6 This can result in parenting being pretty overwhelming at times. Anger triggers could come from the constant touching, holding, cuddling, carrying, and other kinds of physical contact essential in caring for children. If you are sensitive to noise, the continuous stream of talking, shouting, laughing, and playing might get on your last nerve.

Emotional Parenting Triggers

Emotional triggers arise from your feelings about stuff that comes up in parenting. These can be wide-ranging triggers, from recollections of how you were parented (i.e., your childhood baggage) to your child’s behavior.^2,6,7 For example, if your child is hitting you or saying mean things, it might elicit big feelings in you. Perhaps your child is melting down themselves or in some emotional pain, triggering a similar response in you.

Boundary Violations

These triggers relate to your morals and values, which influence your boundaries. When these are violated, it can be overwhelming and trigger a big response.⁸ An example might be about lying; you value honesty, and when your child lies, it triggers you and makes you mad or sad. Or perhaps it’s feeling unheard that triggers you (not feeling that your opinion or boundaries are being valued), like having to repeat yourself five million times a day (give or take) to get your child to pick up their socks. Other boundary violations around personal space and privacy can be very challenging, too.

Past Trauma

Your history of trauma, including domestic violence, childhood abuse, physical injury, or illness, could trigger you in the present moment. You could be triggered by things like touch, noise, smells, rejection, isolation, your child’s experiences or actions, etc.^1,2

Identifying Parenting Triggers

To get control of your triggers and automatic reactions and become a more mindful and authentic parent, it’s essential to be aware of and understand what triggers you and why. This reflection might be triggering, particularly related to past trauma or adverse life experiences. So please ensure you are in a safe space before you start reflecting or reach out for support if you feel overwhelmed or your well-being has been impacted.

Here are some questions to consider when trying to understand your triggers better:

• When I am triggered, is there a particular time of the day/week/month/year?
• Is there something in particular happening around the time I am triggered?
• Am I being affected by some unmet need (from hunger or thirst to nurturing)?
• Do I feel like I have lost control in this situation?
• Am I taking my child’s behavior personally?
• Does their behavior bring back memories from my past?
• Does their behavior trigger feelings of guilt or shame?
• Am I mirroring and feeling what they are feeling?
• Do I have different expectations about how they should or should not be behaving?
• Is an underlying sensory need unmet or overstimulated (touch, taste, sound, sight, smell)?

How To Deal With Parenting Triggers

When you get triggered, it’s often automatic. We want to create awareness so that instead of being reactive, we can move into a space where our parenting choices are intentional. So, it’s essential to learn not only how to identify them but also how to work through triggers and how to communicate when you’re triggered.

You can use some of the questions from the previous section to get you thinking about and learning to recognize your triggers. Once you are aware of them, you can do something about them. Knowing when they happen or why, you can better prepare by removing yourself or the triggers and engaging in self-care or other strategies to help you tackle the situation.

1. Check-in With Yourself

This is easier said than done, but if you have an unmet need, try to meet it. It’s hard to be at our best selves if our cups aren’t full. Make sure you are hydrated, well rested, etc. It’s hard to be regulated and remain calm if we aren’t looking after ourselves.

2. Figure Out If You Have Sensory Issues

Being triggered by sensory issues differs from having triggers from past experiences or emotional triggers and requires a different response. If you feel like you might be getting overwhelmed by sensory stimulation in your environment, it might help to reach out to a professional for support. In the interim, you can try to meet those sensory needs with noise-canceling headphones, boundaries around physical touch, wearing sunglasses, turning the lights off, etc.

3. Try Mindfulness

Mindfulness is about learning the art of being present rather than being caught up in our past, thoughts, or future worries. Research tells us that mindfulness can improve our mood, relationships, communication, and emotional regulation.⁸ It can be helpful to search for strategies or watch videos on YouTube that teach you mindful practices.

4. Practice Makes Perfect

When we practice something often enough, it becomes like a muscle memory (or more automatic). So keep trying. Practice responding in ways that align more with how you intentionally want to parent and practice self-care or emotional regulation strategies. In time, these will come more naturally in the moment, and triggers will be less impactful.

5. Step Back and Breathe

When you notice you have been triggered, step back. I know it sounds simple, but pause, take a breath, and give yourself a moment. This slight pause allows you to stop the automatic pattern of reacting. It also gives you the space to make an intentional choice about how you will respond. It also lets your body calm down and settle before deciding to take action or engage with the situation.

6. Be Kind to Yourself

Triggers are often automatic, which means we can’t help them. So be kind to yourself. We don’t necessarily want to continue with the behaviors we exhibit when triggered. You have identified that you want to do things differently and are working on it. That’s amazing, so be kind, as it can take time to break old habits and develop new ones.

Parenting is tough, but you’ve got this. The simple fact that you have identified that you get triggered and want to do things differently is a positive. It’s our responsibility to look inward and grow as parents alongside our children as we raise them. Our kids are constantly changing and challenging us. It’s essential to seek support if you identify any triggers and these strategies aren’t enough, or your well-being and mental health are being affected. Remember that there is no shame in seeking help. So, don’t hesitate to contact informal (friends and family) or formal (doctors, psychologists) support networks if needed.

Life with a toddler means there’s never a dull moment. And if you’ve got two toddlers, buckle up because the ride can be wild. But I’m not complaining about it. I love having a one-year-old and a two-year-old. There are some great reasons to be parenting two little humans in their prime toddlerhood.

What Makes Parenting Multiple Toddlers So Special

I could go on and on about why I love being a parent to multiple toddlers close in age (18 ½ months apart, to be exact). While having babies back to back can get a bad rap at times, I’m here to shine a light on some of the brightest spots on my journey of parenting two toddlers simultaneously. Sure, some days are tough, but I’d argue that every bit of chaos is worth it for the love, joy, and pure fun my two little ones bring to each other and our home every day. Here are some of my favorite things about being a mama to multiple toddlers.

They’re Learning So Much From One Another in Toddlerhood

It’s often said that parents are our children’s first teachers. As a former teacher turned stay-at-home mom, I take great pride in this. But I sometimes question whether I’m doing enough to provide my kiddos with everything they need to learn and thrive.

Seeing my two toddlers interact with each other is an incredible gift — they learn so much from one another. My one-year-old mimics my two-year-old’s speech, actions, and every move. My two-year-old gets to practice sharing, caring, and all the soft skills we hope our children acquire. They’re constantly learning and growing together through their toddlerhood. It’s an amazing perk to parent two toddlers at once.

Every Day is a Built-in Playdate When Parenting Toddlers

I firmly believe that play is the most essential work of childhood — including in toddlerhood. Watching my first toddler play with my second is a dream come true. Sure, we all have to work through tough, tear-filled moments together. Yes, our playroom is always a bit messier than it was with only one toddler. We might be running out of space for the endless toys, books, and stuffed animals that inevitably accumulate with a one-year-old and a two-year-old. All that aside, my son and daughter always have each other to play with. And that trumps everything.

As much as I love scheduling playdates with our friends, I find peace of mind in knowing my kiddos have the constant benefit of each other’s company. They keep each other entertained more and more by the day, and I’m eager to see their play relationship evolve as they become slightly older toddlers.

Toddlers and Toddler Play Can Teach Us So Many Valuable Lessons

Just as the heart grows with each new child, the wisdom also multiplies. My one-year-old and two-year-old are constantly teaching me important life lessons during their toddlerhood. For example, to give myself grace. I have two tiny humans who are very close in age and are both entirely dependent (mostly) on me. The truth is, I feel like I’m falling short in one way or another almost every day. Albeit unknowingly, my toddlers constantly remind me to go easy on myself. I’m only human, but somehow — in their eyes — that’s enough. They also teach me to be flexible, prioritize, and adapt more than any position I’ve ever held before becoming a mom.

Toddlerhood is a Magical Time to Share With Someone Else

Even more, getting a front-row seat to my two toddlers’ bond is just as magical. I don’t think I’ll ever get over how adorable my one-year-old and two-year-old are with each other. Seeing my firstborn share in her sweet, quirky toddler ways with my son makes my heart so happy.

My daughter looks for her early-rising baby brother first thing in the morning, and his entire being lights up when he sees his big sister close in for a bear hug. When one laughs, the other echoes with just as much innocence and joy. When one climbs up on my lap for snuggles and a story, the other follows. I always say my kiddos have their own secret language, and I sometimes feel like an outsider peeking in, but I don’t mind it. I’m so glad my babies can build their bond from their earliest years. They truly delight in each other’s existence, making my heart burst with gratitude.

Who knows what the future will bring for my children regarding their sibling dynamic. For now, I’m soaking up every precious moment of being a mama to two little humans living side-by-side in the thick of toddlerhood. Having multiple babies back to back can get a bad rap for many reasons, but I’m here to tell you that parenting two toddlers close in age is not limited to all it’s made out to be. In fact, it’s so much more. Life with a one-year-old and a two-year-old is a gift.

And I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

My former preemie just turned a year old, and I still can’t entirely make sense of my son’s unexpected start. I’m sure this is common among moms of preemies. I never anticipated my second child would arrive nearly two months early. Especially after my first was born more than a week past my due date. Having a baby at 33 weeks threw me for a loop. I wish I could go back in time and give my freshly postpartum self some reassurance. While I can’t, I can share the advice I wish I could’ve given myself last year instead.

What I Wish I Could’ve Told Myself One Year Ago When My Preemie Was Born

Whether you’re walking or have already walked a similar path, I hope you find comfort in these words. This is the advice I wish I could’ve given myself a year ago.

1. Don’t Feel Guilty for Taking Time for Yourself or Not Being at the Hospital 24/7

My preemie was in the NICU for three weeks after he was born. He was home for a total of a day short of a month upon release. Then he was back in the PICU for two weeks when he came down with a case of RSV. All the while, I was recovering from a life-threatening emergency C-section. And I was trying my best to keep up with my then 1 ½-year-old at home. As much as I desperately wished I could be with my newborn and toddler around the clock, I couldn’t be everywhere all the time.

I wish I could’ve told myself that it was okay for me to take care of myself. Even more, I didn’t have to feel guilty about taking a shower or an occasional 15-minute cat nap. I wish I could’ve told myself that it was okay to take a break from the free-for-breastfeeding-moms hospital cafeteria food. That it was okay to sit at my kitchen table and eat a hot meal between hospital runs. I wish I could’ve told myself that we’d all be better off with more self-care in my daily routine. I wish I could’ve told myself nobody kept a score of how many hours I logged at the NICU check-in station daily.

2. Breathe: Your Preemie Will Grow and Overcome These Obstacles

Though he was born at an excellent gestation weight, my preemie was still a preemie. He was small. I remember being nervous to even change his diaper in the NICU out of concern for whether I was adequately handling such a tiny being. During his feeding tube days, I waited patiently for the thumbs up from my baby’s nurses to try latching him or even to bottle feed. Then, when that time finally came, I often left disheartened that he wasn’t taking the full feeds he needed to be discharged. As proud as I was of every single milliliter he managed to consume, I wanted my newborn home. Who wouldn’t?

I wish I could’ve told myself to trust the process. That we’d move from measuring feeds by single milliliters of milk to full-fledged 4-, 5-, and 6-ounce bottles soon enough. I wish I could’ve told myself my baby would grow past 5 pounds in time. So much so that people would gasp in surprise one day at his former preemiehood. I wish I could’ve told myself to be more patient during the feeding tube days and tiny-bottle feeds and worry a little less. As it turned out, my preemie was a natural with breastfeeding (and full-size bottle feeding). I wish I could’ve told myself to breathe because every slow bit of growth in the NICU would one day add up to a healthy, happy baby.

3. This Blip Will Not Negatively Impact Your Relationship With Your Preemie Baby

When my preemie was born via emergency C-section following labor gone wrong, I was out cold under general anesthesia. I didn’t get to hear his first cries or be the first one to hold him. I didn’t even get to hold him until more than 24 hours after his arrival. I was recovering from a severe postpartum hemorrhage, receiving blood transfusions, and fighting to survive. I didn’t get that gold standard “golden hour” society speaks so highly of.

I didn’t get real skin-to-skin with my preemie until several weeks in. Once I recovered and left my hospital room, I couldn’t stay by my son’s bedside 24/7, as I also had his big sister at home. I’m ashamed to admit it, but I was, in hindsight, probably a bit scared to get too attached to my beautiful baby boy.

I wish I could’ve told myself that my relationship with my preemie wouldn’t be negatively impacted by his weeks-turned-months spent in and out of the hospital. Despite it all, he’d know me as “mama” and find comfort in my arms. I wish I could’ve told myself that our bond would take time — but it would grow into something so perfect and precious. I wish I could’ve told myself not to compare our story to any of those “gold standard” birth stories on social media. That ours may not have been ideal, but it was uniquely ours — and equally remarkable.

4. None of This is Your Fault, So Go Easy on Yourself

It’s been over a year since my former preemie was born — and I still don’t know why my body went into labor when it did. At this point, I may never have answers. I struggled not to beat myself up over how everything played out. I struggled with immense guilt for abruptly leaving my attached-like-glue firstborn in the middle of that ordinary Saturday night. I also felt guilty when leaving her baby brother’s NICU room to head home. Honestly, I still struggle with the heaviness of all of it. Mom guilt is real enough as it is, and NICU mom guilt has a way of taking things to a whole new, gut-wrenching level.

5. You Will Trust Your Body Again

I wish I could’ve given myself grace and been gentler on myself for my body going into labor that early. I wish I could’ve told myself there would come a day when I could face my C-section scar in the mirror with pride or acceptance rather than shame. I wish I could’ve told myself it was okay not to be in two places (or with both babies) at once. That there would come a day when the heartache of being apart from each at every given point would lift.

I wish I could’ve told myself how perfect it would feel to have both babies in my arms. That I’d run and play, laugh, and dance with my kiddos. I wish I could’ve told myself there might even come a point when I’d daydream about maybe (just maybe) adding a third to our family. I wish I could’ve told myself it would all be okay because it has.

I won’t sugarcoat it and say everything works out for preemies; sadly, that isn’t always the case. I count my blessings daily for my family’s once-challenging journey turning into a victory story. There’s no doubt about it that the psychological effects of premature birth are alive and real.¹ No matter the long-term outcome, having a baby before term is a roller coaster of an experience with a lasting (and sometimes core-shaking) impact on mamas. Now that my former preemie has celebrated his first birthday and is thriving, I only wish to give my former self the advice I desperately needed a year ago. So, preemie mama, I’m passing the torch — and the wisdom. This one’s for you!

We might think the hard part is over once we’re out of the delivery room, and the rest will be all sunshine and roses, and we’ll spend our days cuddling our new sweet baby. But you ain’t seen nothing until you start the postpartum period. So many things happen after delivery that it can be shocking.

Our bodies are different, our hormones are going wild, and all we want to do is look at our sweet baby and sleep. But if you already have a baby or two, you know that is unlikely. We’ve got some surprising things you will encounter during your postpartum period.

30 Fun Facts About the Postpartum Period

Here are 30 fun and relatable truths about the postpartum period to laugh about and share with others.

1. Your Belly Does Not Just ‘Go Down’

If you’re having your first baby, you are in for surprises. Get this: Not only will you probably leave the hospital still looking pregnant, but you may not lose any weight either. Your belly doesn’t just “go back down,” and if you have gone through the trouble of delivering 8 pounds of love, you should, at the very least, get credit for their weight.

2. Your Breasts Will Have a Mind of Their Own

Your breasts are basically like having a personal sprinkler. And if no one told you, they might get engorged and hurt, or you could develop thrush. You better put those nursing pads on because you might be in the grocery store, hear someone else’s baby cry, and start to let down right there in the produce department.

3. Your Baby is Going to Cry

Look, these aren’t a few little whimpers because they are hungry. Nope, those little things can wail. The screams are so loud and powerful that it makes you wonder how they don’t have a sore throat all the time. FYI: These are essential baby facts that you need to know. But, thankfully, resting in a loving mom or dad’s arms often does the trick, along with a boob or a bottle.

4. It Might Feel Like Your Baby Never Sleeps

This is a rough one. In addition to the usual baby cries and whines, colicky babies scream for hours. And that screeching can be maddening. Talk to your doctor and have a support system if your baby has colic. It could save your sanity.

5. You Will Have to Poop After Delivery

As much as you may not want to believe that it will happen after you push a watermelon out of a hole the size of a lemon, you won’t ever not have to go to the bathroom again. You must prepare yourself, both mentally and physically, for this moment. Just in case, it can help to take stool softeners and have one of those peri spray bottles with warm water ready. Breathe, think happy thoughts, and gently push. Believe it or not, billions of mothers have pooped after having a baby and lived to tell the tale.

6. You Are Going to Love Those Mesh Panties

They are ugly as sin, but those suckers are amazing. Fill them with those awesome ice packs or padsicles, and you are set. Take advantage of it, sister, and sneak a few pairs home with you. Most nurses will load you up, and there is no shame in your game if you want to feel good after the baby is born.

7. Your Baby Will Need So Much Stuff

You’ve clearly heard from someone who gave birth long ago that they never had any of the fancy baby stuff we have today, and we turned out just fine. Sure, but these are also people who could choose a smoking or non-smoking room at the hospital. Yes, there are baby things you need, but it isn’t necessary to get it all. Talk to your friends who have recently had babies (or peruse our resource); they can give you great advice.

8. Your Baby Will Pee On You

This is a helpful newborn fact to remember. And if you have a boy, watch out. The second their penis hits that cold air during a diaper change, they let it rip. You can’t stop it, so prepare to be quick. Have that diaper or a wipe ready and shield yourself. But it’s not just boys. Girls pee during diaper changes, too.

9. Your Baby Will Also Poop On You

We’re talking about poop again, but trust us when we say those newborn blowouts are the real deal. Many a onesie has been destroyed by baby poop. Yes, those baby clothes are cute, but there is no shame in grabbing the scissors and having a proper burial for a baby sleeper. Always bring extra clothes, just in case.

10. Sex Postpartum Might Terrify You

The first time you have sex after having a baby brings the same fears and hesitation as the whole poop thing. Your body has undergone some significant changes; some even call it trauma. It’s natural to be a little cautious of intimacy. Talk it through with your partner beforehand so everyone is on the same page.

11. You Will Spend a Lot of Money

Be prepared to go wild with everything you need, or think you need, in the newborn baby days. Just be careful not to over-buy anything. Babies grow fast, and they may be too big for all the things.

12. You’re Going to Cry

Um, yeah. The emotional roller coaster doesn’t stop when your baby is born. You might burst into a big old puddle of tears if someone in your household drinks the last Diet Coke or changes the channel. And boy, there are so many tears when a person in the house wakes the baby. Everyone needs to tread lightly.

13. You’re Going to Be Exhausted

In case no one told you, a newborn is exhausting. When you finally get a chance to sleep, it’s like they know and poop that very second and start screaming. That whole “sleep when your baby sleeps” only works if you have your first baby. If you have other kids, it’s just a pipe dream. Take care of yourself, and get your partner to help.

14. You’re Going to Live in Your Pajamas

There is no reason to trade in your jams or sweats for anything that buttons during your postpartum period. No one is judging a new mom trying to balance it all. And if they do, forget them. They are not your real friends.

15. You’re Going to Be Overwhelmed by All This Stuff

Yes, baby gear is cute and fun, but you probably don’t need it all. Before you know it, your home will be overtaken by things that sing, light up, soothe, warm, calm, and relax. And none of that stuff is for you. Skip the excessive and stick to the basics for feeding, clothing, and diapering with some fun things in between.

16. You’re Going to Hide From Visitors

Yes, you will probably want your mom to help you, but the neighbor you grew up with and friends you haven’t seen in 30 years, not so much. Set boundaries for visitors and say no if you aren’t up to it. And if someone comes over unexpectedly, go ahead and hide in a closet. They’ll eventually go away.

17. You’re Going to Get a Lot of Gifts

And you might hate them. Gift givers don’t always share your style, follow your baby registry list, or get the right size. Babies grow quickly. That is a newborn fact, but you don’t have to use it all. It is okay to take things back without feeling guilty. But, if it is a super special thing that the gift giver just had to pass on, wear it and use it when they are around. Plus, don’t forget to say thank you. If you don’t have time for notes or a call, a quick text does the trick.

18. You’re Going to Be So Darn Thirsty

If you are breastfeeding, stay hydrated. We all know that cups and bottles are big business, and some moms love the cups from the hospital. Drink that water. You are not a camel and can’t hold onto it the same way; be sure to replenish.

19. You Might Feel Like You’re Starving

After delivery, you will want to eat a big meal. Get it, girl. So many women want to indulge in sushi or a giant turkey sandwich after birth. They have waited a long time to eat those forbidden foods. Make sure your partner is ready with whatever it is you’re craving.

20. You Will Not Be Able to Drive

This one is tough. A lot of times, moms feel like they’re trapped inside their own homes. They can’t drive, and much of that has to do with pain medication after birth. That first time they get behind the wheel is the first taste of freedom. Even if you only go to Target, take that ride and love it.

21. And You Will Be in Pain

After you give birth to a baby, you are sore. That’s just a baby fact. This is particularly true if you have a C-section. Take care of yourself. And if the doctor says not to lift anything and don’t overdo it on the stairs, listen. There is nothing worse than hurting yourself or getting an infection after birth.

22. Embracing Your Body Will Be Important

Nope, it will never be the same after you deliver your first baby. Your body will change, and guess what? Your partner will probably either be happy with or not care about that change. They realize you have made an enormous sacrifice having that baby, and they love your new form. You should, too.

23. You Will Overload Everyone With Pictures

Suddenly, you will be the queen of social media and sharing pics of your baby. Nope, nothing is wrong with that. You are a proud mother of a newborn, and you want to share it with the world. But maybe save some pics for Grandma and Grandpa.

24. You Will Compare Yourself to Other Moms

Guess what? Everyone’s journey is different, and moms do things that work for them and their babies. It is okay if you bottle feed instead of breastfeed. Cloth diapers are great, too. Feel out your newborn and see what makes them happy during the postpartum period. You don’t need to go wild with all the baby gear to make your baby happy.

25. You Will Plan Out Their Whole Life

Whether you hope you have a tap dancer on your hand or a football star, you will have big dreams for your little one. It is okay to daydream, but don’t be surprised if they go in another direction. It is also perfectly acceptable to mix the best of both worlds.

26. You Will Wish It Away Without Realizing It

Even though you don’t realize it, you might hope your baby hits all its milestones when it should or earlier. Before you know it, they will be walking and running around. One day, they may even be in college. Take advantage of every stage of life. You’ll never regret it.

27. You Will Enjoy That Hot Shower

It may seem silly, but a nice shower might be all a mom needs to refresh herself. A clean body and newly washed hair can do wonders for a mom in her postpartum period. Plus, you get that time alone that you are craving. Unless, of course, you have older kids slipping a note under the door. Have a pen ready to let them know your partner can get them juice, too.

28. You Will Be Nervous the First Time You Leave Your Baby at Home

Whether you like it or not, you must get away from the baby for a few minutes. Everyone needs a day or night out to be an adult. It is normal and the best kind of self-care. Leave your baby and send 50 texts to make sure they are okay. Especially if it is someone you love, you will feel much better.

29. You’re Going to Go Nuts About the Baby Monitor

Don’t spend too much time watching your baby sleep. Get some stuff done around the house during the postpartum period. Yes, it is tempting to watch, but the bottles need rinsing, and baby laundry needs washing. Or, shoot, take a nap. There is plenty to do while the baby is resting.

30. You Must Practice Self-Care

As much as you may not want to take a walk, talk on the phone, or binge-watch your favorite trashy show on Netflix, please do it. If a momma takes care of herself, she is much better prepared to care for her child. That is just baby facts.

Parents, don’t be afraid. The postpartum period is beautiful. Enjoy your baby and hold them close. It all goes so fast. But whatever you do, don’t blink.