As a parent, my days are spent juggling life, work, and parenting responsibilities and rushing from one activity to the next until I crash into bed. Then, repeat it all the next day. It’s easy to slip into patterns of reacting rather than making conscious parenting decisions when life is so busy. It seems like there is limited time for self-reflection or contemplation when you’re trying to raise tiny humans. If you have ever felt the same, almost like you are stuck on autopilot, you might want to learn more about mindful parenting.

What Is Mindful Parenting?

Mindfulness is not new; it has been practiced for centuries and comes from Buddhist traditions.¹ However, mindfulness has recently been expanded and applied to parenting.² Mindful parenting involves parents learning to become aware of the present moment and focus on themselves (their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors) and their children in intentional, present, and nonjudgmental ways.³

The parent-child relationship quality strongly influences a child’s emotional, social, and cognitive development.⁴ It’s normal across all stages of development for our children to be oppositional or challenging at times. This can lead to parents becoming stressed, which activates stress hormones (in response to a threat). This activates our immune system and, in turn, triggers certain emotions and can change or influence how parents behave or react to their children.⁵

When parents struggle with stress, they can sometimes rely on automatic or unhelpful patterns of behavior, like snapping, being reactive, being overly controlling, rejecting, or being less affectionate toward their children. These are not particularly effective parenting strategies and can result in more challenging behaviors expressed by their children.⁵ Cue a vicious reaction cycle from parents and kids alike.

Mindful Parenting Breaks Patterns

This is where mindful parenting comes into play, as it helps break these patterns. Mindfulness parenting allows us to break automatic (negative) parenting behaviors through nonjudgment and acceptance of both our kids and ourselves. This results in increasingly positive parent-child interactions, better resilience, and coping through compassion, acceptance, and kindness.³ Mindful families learn to respond, not react. When you don’t react, you give yourself space and an opportunity to respond consciously, free from judgment, shame, or other strong feelings. And when we choose our actions, we can better align ourselves with our parenting goals or intentional actions. In addition, when we have space, we can process our strong emotions or unhelpful thoughts and purposefully implement coping strategies. We also see our children’s behavior as communication and can be more empathetic and attuned to their needs.

Benefits of Mindful Parenting

Practicing mindful parenting helps promote a healthy relationship with our kids as we are more attuned, engaged, and empathetic toward them. In addition, there can be a whole range of benefits, such as:⁶

• Improved feelings of satisfaction in our experience of parenting
• Less anxiety and stress
• Increased and improved communication between parents and children
• Reduced hyperactivity in children
• Reduced aggression
• Fewer feelings of depression

Key Factors of Mindful Parenting

There are five key factors associated with being a mindful parent:⁷

1. No Judgment

Accept both yourself and your child without judging your (or their) thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. Understanding that everyone makes mistakes removes guilt, shame, or other strong feelings. Instead, you can see these situations as opportunities for learning. You learn that neither you nor your child are perfect, and your expectations for both are more healthy and realistic.

2. Be Present and Give Your Full Attention

When you’re a busy parent, this one can be hard. Your little one wants to show you a wonderful rock they found at the park. (True story: I had to listen to a five-minute blow-by-blow of all the merits of this one particular rock!) But in reality, your mind is being pulled in a hundred directions — what’s for dinner, when does Jenny need to be picked up from piano lessons, your overdue work project. Mindful parenting is about stopping these racing thoughts and focusing on what is happening now. This means being fully present, listening, engaging with your child, and giving them your full attention.

3. Compassion

Be understanding, compassionate, and empathetic to both you and your child. No one is perfect. Mindful parenting is about reassuring yourself and your child that you are wonderful, lovable, and acceptable, just as you are. It gives you both the grace and the space to make mistakes.

4. Emotional Awareness

Tune into those feelings. We often try to avoid strong feelings or particular feelings that are uncomfortable in some way. But when we ignore or push away these emotions, we miss the chance to explore them and figure out what need is underpinning that emotion. We also miss out on opportunities to address issues or problem-solve things that will help our well-being now and in the long term.

5. Manage Those Emotions

When we can identify the emotion, we are better equipped to cope with or manage the feeling. For example, we deal with anger differently than sadness. If we can regulate our emotions and pause or take stock of a situation, we are more able to take a conscious or intentional step forward instead of reacting or responding to our strong emotions.

Mindful Parenting for ADHD

One of the key benefits of mindful parenting is reduced hyperactivity in children.⁶ There is some research indicating that mindful parenting practices can support several symptoms of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) in children.³ ADHD is not just about attention; it also influences communication, social interactions, routines, and the ability to plan and coordinate things. It doesn’t just affect children with the diagnosis, either, but their entire families. Parents can become stressed or overwhelmed, resulting in those automatic reactions mentioned above. This family stress can make it harder to manage a child’s ADHD, which further amplifies the stress.

Mindfulness can help break this draining and distressing cycle.³ When you practice mindfulness, you can persevere, be flexible and responsive, be accepting of your child, and find the positives during challenges. This allows you to all be more resilient and able to cope.³

Examples of Mindful Parenting

So, what does mindful parenting look like? Let’s say your child is trying to build a block tower but keeps knocking it over, and eventually, they throw the blocks. Your instinct might be to shout at them, “Stop throwing your toys. You’re going to break them!” Or snatch the toys and pack them away. Mindful parenting would involve pausing to assess your and your child’s emotions and then consider a way forward. You might reflect on things like:

• What’s happening for me, and why?
• What am I thinking and feeling?
• What is my automatic reaction?
• What am I going to do instead?
• What’s happening for my child?
• Is there a message or feeling underpinning their behavior?
• How can I help us both regulate and manage our emotions?
• I feel some strong emotions, but it doesn’t mean I am a bad parent; it was a challenging situation.
• My child is not a bad kid; they were frustrated because they couldn’t make the block tower stay up. It’s okay that they aren’t perfect all the time. Perhaps there is something I can teach them or support them with to reduce their frustration or help them cope more healthily next time.

Ultimately, you might respond to your child by sitting with them, naming their emotions, helping them manage angry feelings, or patiently showing them how to build a block tower that will stay upright.

Here’s another example: At the supermarket, your child spots the candy they want and starts having a tantrum because you said “no.” Your instinct could be to give in and hand over the candy or flee the store. A mindful parent might take the approach of considering their child’s feelings and accepting them. Instead of giving in, running away, or even snapping, they might allow their child to experience discomfort and then name and accept their child’s feelings. “I can see you are mad right now. It’s okay to feel upset you didn’t get the candy you wanted.” Then, offer them support to cope with those big feelings. “I’m right here if you need a hug or want help managing that big angry feeling. Just tell me when you are ready.”

How To Be Mindful With Your Kids

It takes time to learn mindfulness, but remember that you don’t have to be perfect; you have to learn how to “tune in” to the present moment and “tune out” the background noise. Some strategies could include:

• Pause: Instead of jumping into action, take a moment. If there is a crisis or a safety issue, go right ahead and react. But I’m not talking about those moments. Unless something is critical, it’s okay to take stock for a moment and figure out what you want and need to manage the situation.
• Stop forward planning: Instead of the “what ifs” or “what next,” try to tune those out and stop focusing on the past or the future. Just be in the moment.
• Get in touch with your senses: A great way of tuning into the present is by paying attention to your senses. Name five blue things you can see, listen out for three unique sounds you can hear around you, or take off your shoes and wriggle your feet on the carpet/sand/grass and feel the sensation.
• Acceptance is key: Acceptance doesn’t mean you have to like something (or that you won’t take action to avoid it in the future if you can). It’s about acknowledging that something has happened and that it’s acceptable. Extend acceptance to you and your child — your behaviors, thoughts, and feelings.
• Take a breath: When you are pausing, take a deep breath! Calm breathing can help reduce stress.⁸ Remember when we spoke about stress earlier? It can change how you react and respond. So, bust your feelings of stress by taking a deep, slow breath and returning to the present moment.

It’s easy to slip into bad parenting habits or focus on the challenges. But when you practice mindful parenting, you bring awareness to the good moments instead. You will bring your attention to what your child is trying to communicate, notice the emotions underpinning their message, or see some positives you had missed when you were focused on the negatives. You will also be more kind, compassionate, and empathetic to them and yourself. Practicing mindfulness will improve your child’s resilience and well-being, but you will likely reap the rewards, too!

There is a significant shift in your life from when your baby is born (well, even before birth, let’s be honest). You are suddenly responsible for a tiny human being for whom no one has given you an instruction manual. As you get used to the basics of keeping your little one alive, you might consider what parenting style you will adopt. Let’s explore attachment parenting so you can determine if it’s a style that will fit your beliefs and your family’s unique dynamic.

What Is Attachment Parenting?

So, what is attachment parenting? Attachment style parenting is a modern parenting philosophy. It promotes attachment between a parent and child by encouraging empathy, responsiveness to a child’s needs, and using certain “tools” or “strategies” that emphasize emotionally rich interactions between the child and caregiver, as well as encouraging bodily closeness and touch.¹ It can also be referred to as natural parenting, as it focuses on parents relying on their instincts to make decisions about raising their children.

The Origins of Attachment Parenting

Attachment parenting is a responsive and connection-focused philosophy that emerged after World War II. The first book of its kind was Benjamin Spock’s handbook that suggested mothers should parent according to common sense and loving, physical contact — it was downright radical at the time.² This book influenced parenting post-war and paved the way for new, gentler parenting philosophies like attachment parenting.

William Sears was a pediatrician who wrote several parenting books (along with Martha Sears) and developed a new philosophy, which he initially called “immersion mothering” in his book “Creative Parenting.” ³ He coined the term “attachment parenting” in later books.⁴ Many people confuse attachment parenting with attachment styles, but they are different.

John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth originally defined attachment and four key attachment styles: secure, disorganized, ambivalent, and avoidant.⁵ Their meaning of secure attachment describes how a primary caregiver who is sensitive and responsive to their child’s needs will create a sense of trust in their child. Around the time attachment theories were gaining awareness and momentum, William and Martha Sears indicated that they later changed their parenting philosophy to attachment parenting, as the concept of attachment was increasingly becoming recognized and the theory itself was well-researched.⁶ The term “attachment parenting” and specific links to the attachment theories of Bowlby and Ainsworth only came later. Sears’ work on attachment parenting has not been scientifically linked to secure attachment as the outcome of their strategies.

The Seven B’s of Attachment Parenting

When Sears developed the principles of attachment parenting, he outlined seven principles based on reading babies’ cues to meet their biological needs. These seven principles are:⁴

1. Birth Bonding

Sears outlined that the first six weeks after birth are critical in forming healthy parent-child attachments in the long term. He encourages skin-to-skin contact, constant presence or togetherness, and nurturing the mother provides.

2. Breastfeeding

This is seen as a critical element of attachment parenting, as breastfeeding is a natural and healthy way to nurture and soothe a baby. It also encourages close physical contact and creates early bonds when a mother responds to her child’s hunger cries. However, remember that breastfeeding is not always possible for some people; breastfeeding (or not) doesn’t determine who is a good parent.

3. Baby Wearing

This refers to having a baby close by at all times and wearing them in a sling or wrap. This is key in attachment parenting, which promotes physical closeness, as the baby is attached to the mom, and she goes about her daily business but constantly provides touch, comfort, and nurturing while “wearing” her baby.

4. Bed Sharing

William Sears encourages bed-sharing. He indicates that this reduces separation anxiety overnight and provides easy access to the mom for breastfeeding. Remember, every family needs to explore safe sleep practices and determine the most appropriate sleep arrangements for their family rather than use a one-size-fits-all approach. Please review safe sleeping recommendations before making any decisions.

5. Baby’s Crying Is Communication

Instead of seeing crying or screaming as manipulation or a baby being “bad,” attachment parents understand that cries are babies’ only way of communicating their needs. The attachment style of parenting encourages parents to pay close attention to these cries, try to decipher them, and then respond to their needs to foster a strong and secure bond.

6. Beware of Baby Trainers

William Sears does not promote or condone sleep training in his books. His thoughts center around the lack of training of sleep trainers or consultants and believes that sleep training hardens a mother against her baby’s cries, which disrupts attachment and bonding as she is not responding to the child’s needs. As a result, they will become shut down or nonresponsive. Families should research supports or strategies around getting a good night’s sleep. It is an entirely individual decision to make, is based on unique needs/beliefs, and is one that sits with that family alone

7. Balance

No one can be a perfect parent 100% of the time. Attachment parenting encourages parents to understand and acknowledge that they won’t always get it right, nor should they strive to become perfect. It also acknowledges the challenge of finding a balance between all your needs as a parent — emotional, psychological, and social — while navigating the new and evolving needs of your little one. It’s about finding some time of balance or a happy medium where possible.

Pros of Attachment Parenting

As many of the principles align with attachment theories, there are some significant pros to this style of parenting:

Secure Attachment Benefits

Significant research exists and indicates that children with secure attachment to their parents will experience benefits such as:⁷

• Being better problem-solvers
• Being more independent
• Having increased empathy
• Being more resilient
• Having strong and more positive relationships
• Experiencing higher self-esteem
• Being less likely to develop depression or anxiety

Although attachment parenting isn’t the same as secure attachment (which is what is referred to in this research), it promotes similar principles. It encourages parents to be sensitive to and responsive to their child’s needs. This can help form a secure attachment. Remember that although the principles are there, the Sears’ work on attachment parenting has not been scientifically linked to secure attachment being the outcome of their strategies.

Support for Breastfeeding

The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) and the World Health Organization (WHO) recommend exclusive breastfeeding for up to 6 months and tandem breastfeeding alongside complementary solids for up to 2 years or older.⁸ Also, 60% of mothers stop breastfeeding before they intend to. One key reason they cite is that they lack support or it’s not part of their cultural norms.⁸ Attachment parenting encourages and promotes breastfeeding, which may help moms who need to see breastfeeding normalized or feel supported to continue their breastfeeding journey.

Less Stress for Positive Development

Some research indicates that when parents are responsive to their child’s needs, it reduces the stress chemicals in their body.⁹ This can positively influence their brain’s development, and they are more resilient or able to cope with stress and regulate their emotions as they grow.

Cons of Attachment Parenting

Some cons of this parenting style include:

Pressure to Breastfeed

Although it’s positive to encourage breastfeeding to help normalize it and increase support for it, sometimes, pressure adds stigma or shame if a mother doesn’t wish to or cannot breastfeed for whatever reason. This stress may impact a mother’s self-esteem and well-being. Stress can exacerbate breastfeeding issues, including difficulty with the let-down reflex and decreased breast milk supply.¹⁰ So, all that pressure could have the opposite effect.

Bed Sharing

There is conflicting research — the AAP says the risk of suffocation or sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS) is higher in bed sharing as opposed to room sharing due to potential risks posed by soft bedding, mattresses, or a parent rolling onto their child.¹¹ However, other research indicates that if parents follow safe sleeping practices when bed-sharing, particularly with breastfeeding, it can lower the risk.¹² You and your family must conduct your research to decide whether bed or room sharing is for you, keeping safe sleeping practices paramount in either situation.

Not Enough Chance for a Break

The practice of closeness and constant attention to an infant or small child can be exhausting. There are few chances for a break, and some moms feel touched out or have their own life experiences that make touch, being held, or even the sensory input of constantly being around other people (particularly loud, wailing babies) distressing. This parenting approach can make it hard for some moms to establish their sense of self, engage in self-care, and have healthy eating or sleeping patterns. Using some tools or following the strategies 100% of the time might not suit them.

Styles Leaves Dads Out

Sears is very vocal about mothers being primary caregivers and fathers being there to help and support mothers, which allows the mother to devote herself to her baby fully. This dynamic will not suit all families. For instance, if the father is the primary caregiver or a child comes into a two-father household, it could alienate or shame their preferences for primary caregiving by dads. Excluding dads or minimizing their role lessens their chance to bond and puts more pressure on moms to take on the lion’s share of caring.¹³

Babies don’t come with an instruction manual, and many parenting books and philosophies make it hard to decide which one to implement. In likelihood, there is no one “right” way; instead, there is a right way for you and your family. It might be attachment parenting, or it could be some combination of various philosophies. Just as long as you ensure that you feel comfortable with your decision and follow safety and best practice guidelines for things like sleep.

Humans are built to socialize; we are meant to exist in groups because they bring us a sense of connection and protection. Social interaction is so critical to our health and well-being that a lack of social skills, isolation, and loneliness can increase our risk of mental and physical health issues.¹ Social skills for kids are an essential element of development. While some kids are naturally sociable, many children need to learn certain skills actively and have the opportunity to practice before they get good at them. The process of learning these skills is called socialization.

Despite social skills being integral, children’s socialization is essential because we aren’t necessarily born with all the social skills we will need to navigate the world around us safely (and appropriately). In addition, some skills are complex or become increasingly complicated as we grow up, so learning to socialize can be a lifelong journey.

What Are Social Skills?

The definition of social skills is the tools that someone uses to help them communicate, ask for help, learn, and get their needs met in healthy and appropriate ways. Social skills help kids get along with others, develop healthy relationships, and interact with people in the community around them.²

Why Are Social Skills Important for Kids?

Social skills are incredibly important for kids (and adults alike). Some of the benefits include:^3,4

• Higher achievement and success in education
• Better quality, healthy relationships with peers (associated with getting along well with others and being able to problem-solve and resolve conflict)
• More likely to go to college or further education and be employed in a full-time role (in children who were better at sharing, listening, and following the rules — all critical social skills)
• A better predictor of being successful as adults
• Fewer experiences of legal troubles and substance use issues
• Reduced stress (research found that learning a new social skill reduces cortisol, a stress hormone)

11 Types of Social Skills That Kids Can Learn

Social skills examples include verbal and nonverbal communication, such as speech, gestures, posture, body language, and facial expressions. Particular behaviors or interpersonal skills that are important for our children to learn include:

1. Sharing and Turn-Taking

Our little ones can (at times) be a little selfish or egocentric… it’s all me, mine, now! However, learning and being willing to share with their peers or others around them can help children make and keep friends. Sharing and being compassionate also helps kids feel good about themselves, which can boost their self-esteem.⁴

2. Effective Communication

Effective communication, including listening skills, is vital for kids to learn.⁵ Children are often less frustrated when communicating their needs, thoughts, and opinions. This means they are less likely to have tantrums or express challenging behaviors that might impact people around them. In addition, communication is about being able to listen well. It means you are hearing what someone says and using that information — whether listening to a teacher or following instructions. Or hearing a friend who is upset and understanding that they need support or a hug. Listening is a crucial building block of empathy.⁵

3. Empathy

Understanding someone else’s feelings and using that information to influence how you communicate or interact with them is an important social skill.⁶ Children who understand how their actions might impact others can learn how to change or modify their behavior. This smooths social situations, making them more likely to experience healthy and reciprocal relationships.⁶

4. Making Eye Contact

It seems automatic, but appropriate eye contact can change a social situation’s dynamic.⁷ Have you ever told your child, “Look at me when I’m talking to you”? We usually expect a certain level of eye contact to show that the other person has noticed and is paying attention. Equally, too much eye contact can be intense or uncomfortable — knowing when to look away is also an art form our kids need to learn.

5. Adhering To Boundaries

This is about respect and consent, including personal space.⁸ When our children understand personal boundaries, it helps them create strong and healthy relationships. Some kids like to get right up close and personal or won’t take no for an answer. This can make people feel uncomfortable or upset. So, it’s important to help them understand and respect others’ boundaries.

6. Using Manners

Having good manners can improve social interactions. By learning to say “please” and “thank you” and asking in polite, appropriate ways, people tend to be happier or more agreeable to the request. Or they are likely to help with future requests.

7. Following Directions

Our kids must learn how to listen carefully so they fully understand instructions. They also need the skills (cognitive and emotional) to follow through with the request. Following directions can keep kids safe (don’t touch the hot kettle) or support them in achieving (complete your homework at school). Kids who don’t follow directions may experience negative outcomes or consequences if they can’t — or won’t — follow directions and instructions.

8. Cooperation

This is the process of working together to achieve a joint goal. Cooperation is an important skill in the community, school, and adulthood. It means showing respect when others make a request and contributing and helping others. This requires kids to show respect, understand their role within a group, have good communication skills, and put group needs before their own.⁹

9. Patience

Being able to wait or have self-control is an important skill. Our children can’t possibly get their way every time, nor will they always be able to get what they want when they want it. They need to learn to wait. Kids who develop patience grow into adults who experience better health and well-being, stronger relationships, and achievements or success.¹⁰

10. Positivity

Having a positive mindset is vital for good mental health and well-being. This can also mean that being around a child who sees the positive or looks for opportunities rather than challenges or negatives can be more enjoyable or support positive social interactions.¹¹

11. Problem-Solving

Social problem-solving is an important skill. Children must learn how to analyze, understand, and choose an appropriate response to social problems or conflict.

How To Teach Social Skills to Kids

While some children are naturally more comfortable in social situations, it’s essential to understand how to improve social skills, as they can also be taught (not just innate or part of our temperament). Teaching social skills involves several strategies, including:

• Modeling: It’s essential to demonstrate your own positive social skills to your children so they can see how it’s done. Do you want them to use their manners? Well, you need to use yours and set the expectation based on your actions.
• Role play: Activities for teaching social skills often involve an element of practice. So, help your child play out or practice scenarios to help them build their social skills. This could mean imagining how they would react or say on their first day of school if they are worried about making new friends. Or practicing turn-taking.
• Worksheets: Social skills worksheets for kids can be helpful prompts or opportunities to reflect on their social skills. For example, you could write down some social situations and have them record or map out how they might respond. Or, if there are particular skills they are working on, you could create posters with tips or reminders for the skills and strategies they need to practice or try. These social skills activities might be more suited for preschoolers or those who can read, but using lots of visuals or pictures could work for children who can’t read.
• Games: This is probably something you do already. When you play a game, you are practicing turn-taking and patience. Kids also can model or practice how to win and lose graciously.
• Songs or books: Read books with themes about sharing, social situations, or different emotions and ways to cope. We can fill their knowledge base and get them thinking about different social skills before exposure to these situations. And it’s a non-threatening way of addressing tricky topics like bullying.

How Can You Tell if Your Child Has Problems With Social Skills?

Remembering that social skills develop over time and with practice is important. So, small children and toddlers might not be very good at navigating groups or cooperating. But it’s important to monitor and see that they are progressing and can learn and apply the information you teach. It’s also important to understand what is age-appropriate or developmentally appropriate and see if your child falls outside these expectations. Some kids may need a little reinforcement, but difficulties with social skills can be a sign of other problems or a specific diagnosis, like attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), autism, hearing loss, anxiety, depression, and more.^12,13,14

If your child struggles with social skills more than others their age, it’s important to explore this with your healthcare provider. Remember that social skills can be taught, even for children experiencing other concerns. So, start small and build their skills up over time.

In my work with families, there are generally two things parents want for their kids: to know their children are happy and to ensure they are raising good people. Teaching kindness is an essential way that you can help your children with both of these things. Being kind is an intentional act, and it benefits other people. It shows deep and selfless concern for others without expecting anything back. Kindness and compassion are vital parts of a child’s development of social and emotional skills. These can have positive impacts on their health, happiness, and well-being.¹

What Is Kindness for Kids?

Kindness is one of the most powerful and useful social-emotional skills we possess. It’s ingrained in us to want to exist harmoniously in groups (for our safety and sense of connection), so we instinctively want to be kind. Our brain rewards us by releasing feel-good chemicals when we are kind; it’s not called the “helpers high” for nothing!² This motivates us to keep repeating certain behaviors — we feel good after we help other people or demonstrate kindness, so we act kindly again in the future because we want to experience that feeling again.

Our brain is looking after our best interests and does this because kindness and compassion help us make and keep strong relationships. Essentially, we cement our spot in a social group by being kind, which keeps us protected, as people will look out for us, and we remain socially connected.³

Areas of Teaching Kindness for Kids

Kindness for kids can be focused on three areas:⁴

• Kind thoughts: These relate to how someone understands how their behaviors or kindness can impact other people (and themselves). It’s also how they think about or consider others (judgment, discrimination, compassion, and empathy).
• Kind emotions: Kind feelings include sympathy, respect, guilt when they have done something wrong or feeling proud when they have acted kindly.
• Kind behaviors: These are the actual doing or following through from thoughts and emotions. Can a child take this information and do kind deeds in the world? Examples could include cooperating, listening, sharing, being inclusive, etc.

The trouble with kids and kindness is that, developmentally, they can be slightly selfish at times. Anyone with a toddler will likely have experienced the “me, mine, now” phase, which is exactly what it sounds like (it’s all about me, everything is mine, and I want it now). Kids also understand kindness differently than adults.⁵ They may think about consequences rather than intentions, or they might not fully understand the outcome of their behavior: “If I snatch the toy, it will make my brother feel sad.”

Developmentally, our children are in middle childhood before they can genuinely conceptualize empathy or step into someone else’s shoes and consider how they feel about something.⁶ Taking the previous example further, “I would feel sad if someone took my toy, so I know my brother will feel sad if I take his toy.” So, while we naturally desire to be kind, we must actively and intentionally teach our kids how to be kind.

Why Kindness Is Important

Teaching our kids how to practice kindness is critical for their health and well-being. There are several direct benefits of being kind. As I mentioned before, it helps “grease the wheels” or, in essence, makes social interactions easier, and as a result, relationships tend to be stronger. People want to be around others who care for them or have a reciprocal relationship (If I help them, they’ll help me later).³ Being kind improves peer connectedness and acceptance.

Kindness is also associated with self-esteem. Children who are kind and do good deeds for the sake of doing them feel good about themselves.¹ Acts of kindness improve our sense of well-being and interconnectedness with other people and can give us a sense of purpose. As a result, kind people tend to be more self-accepting and mindful and experience positive relationships with others.⁷ The lovely hormones/chemicals released by the brain (remember the “helper’s high”) can help combat things like heart disease, reduce stress levels, help cope with pain, and generally make us feel calm and happy.²

11 Tips for Teaching Kindness to Kids

Although our little ones are built to be empathetic and consider the needs of others, it’s still vital that we teach kindness and give our children ways to learn how to practice kindness. Some specific tips and activities for kids that teach them kindness in their everyday lives include:

1. Model Kindness

Your child must see you “walking the walk.” Do they see you being kind to other people in your community? Within your family? If you want your child to learn about kindness, there is no “magic bullet.” But seeing you be a compassionate, empathetic person will help them see the importance of kindness and give them a blueprint to show how it’s done.

2. Receive Kindness

When you model kindness, you must be kind toward your child. If they receive kindness, then it creates a big impression for them. They know what it feels like to be on the receiving end of a kind act, and when we see or experience kindness, research tells us that we are very likely to be then kind ourselves . . . kindness is contagious.⁸

3. Remember That Language Is Important

It’s essential to consider the language you use and the language you teach your children. Do you, or others around you, tell jokes that are a bit “off” or play off of dangerous stereotypes? Do you accidentally use hurtful language or sayings rooted in discrimination or slang that could upset certain groups? Are you using your manners and saying “please” and “thank you”? Kindness is not just about our actions but the words we use.

4. Read

Kindness activities for preschoolers can include things like reading books to help them learn about other people’s lives and experiences. Children of any age will enjoy reading, but slightly older children will start to learn about or take in the message underpinning the story. Can you read to them about different holidays celebrated worldwide, or perhaps stories where children who experience differences (physical, emotional, or development) expand their understanding of other people’s perspectives? Reading is a great way to expose them to different stories and lives, which can be a building block of empathy.

5. Play Dress-Up

When children play dress-up, they get to slip on a new character and pretend. Although it seems like fun or just imaginative play, it has a significant influence on the development of empathy. Children get to practice stepping into someone else’s shoes and considering other world views by taking on or pretending to be a character. In addition, if you can offer some targeted costumes related to empathetic professions or roles (nurses, vets, teachers, etc.), they can try out jobs or activities targeted explicitly toward being kind and looking after others.⁹

6. Learn About Emotions

You can teach your child kindness by helping them understand emotions by naming them when you see them (i.e., “Oh, I can see you are so sad”) as well as naming your feelings (i.e., “I’m feeling a bit frustrated right now”). You can also teach them about big feelings versus little feelings (irritated versus enraged) and play games where you match or guess feelings to help them learn about different emotions. If they know the word or the feeling, they will be better tuned into their own and others’ emotional experiences (which forms the basis for empathy).

7. Teach Them Empathy

Attune to them and their needs. When you provide a kind response to your child, you are demonstrating empathy. It’s also important to show them how you empathize with others. You can share your thoughts or even be strategic about narrating something you are seeing. “Oh my gosh, that little girl’s balloon just got caught in the breeze and blew away. I bet she is feeling really sad right now.”

8. Use Emotional Regulation Strategies

It’s kind of hard to be nice to people when you are struggling with your own big emotions like sadness, anger, jealousy, etc. So, we must teach our kids kindness by teaching them how to safely and appropriately manage their big emotions. This means using emotional regulation strategies like mindfulness, meditation, and journaling.

9. Expand Their Circle of Concern

Get your child thinking about other people. You can read stories like I mentioned earlier to get them thinking about or in the mind frame of how other people live. Volunteering your time to work with groups of people with different life circumstances or abilities can expose your child to other lives. You could also celebrate or learn about holidays, religions, and historical events to get them to consider people’s experiences outside their immediate circle.

10. Foster Kind Habits

Practice kindness in your lives and make these habits or traditions. Perhaps every time your child outgrows their clothes, or when the seasons change, you can pack their old clothes and donate them. Perhaps every Christmas, you put together a care package or present for a child their age that they can donate to a local refuge. Maybe you can send your old towels to a local animal shelter. You don’t need to spend lots of money; you can donate old or unused things or your time and effort. But involve your child in these acts to teach them kindness regularly.

11. Praise

I don’t mean praise in the regular way that you probably think. It’s nice to say, “Good job, you were so kind to your cousin when you shared your toy,” but when we do this, we create a reliance on other people for our kids to feel good about themselves. Or they rely on this praise or expect it when they have been kind. This pretty much undermines the whole premise of being kind (doing something for the sake of it, not for the reward). Instead, ask them how they feel after a kind act. “Wow, how do you feel after donating all your old toys? How do you think the children who receive them might feel?” You are getting them thinking about their actions and the consequences and praising themselves, which helps them feel confident and pretty darn good about themselves.

Although kindness is something ingrained in our kids, it’s essential that we actively encourage it. Not only will teaching them kindness help your child feel good for helping and making a positive change in the community or the people in their lives, but they will also feel good about themselves. Remember when I first said parents generally want two things for their kids? That they will be happy and have raised a “good” human? Helping your child become kind will fulfill these and help them experience positive well-being, relationships, and general happiness. A win-win!

Safety is an essential part of your child’s life. As they become more mobile, you must take extra steps to ensure their safety and well-being. This is especially true when it comes to their crib. There will come a time when you will blink, and your tiny baby is a walking, talking toddler. The older they get, the more they want to explore the world around them. Naturally, that curiosity can lead to your toddler climbing out of their crib. With this new development, knowing what to do is helpful, like when to lower the crib and how to keep them safe.

When Do Babies Start Climbing Out of the Crib?

Babies can start climbing out of the crib once they learn to pull themselves up to standing. For most kids, that is when they are around 9-11 months old. However, this varies from child to child, and some will not develop this skill until they are about one. Some babies start trying to climb out of their crib when they are a little older, between 1-2 years old. Still others will never attempt to climb out. No matter if they have tried yet or not, you can take certain steps to prevent injury.^1,2

Why Is My Toddler Climbing Out of the Crib?

The main reason your baby is suddenly climbing out of their crib is curiosity. Babies and toddlers are naturally curious and will take matters into their own hands to explore their world. Sometimes, this can mean escaping their crib.³

Between 12 and 18 months, children are learning how to move about independently. You no longer need to carry them around all the time, so it is an exciting time for them. They can run, walk, jump, and climb. With their curious nature, it is normal for them to test boundaries. All you can do is make sure they are safe.^4,5

What To Do When Your Toddler Climbs Out of the Crib

Here are some things you can do to keep your toddler safe, whether they are climbing out of their crib.

Lower the Crib Mattress

Chances are the mattress position in their crib is too high. This makes it easier for them to climb out of the crib. If they stand, lower the mattress to its lowest setting. Lowering the crib may make it more difficult for them to get out of it. If they can still climb out even at its lowest setting, you can put the mattress on the ground or with some foam blocks underneath to ensure it doesn’t slip out from underneath the crib.⁷

Switch to a Toddler Bed

Depending on your child’s age and height, they may be ready to transition to a toddler bed.⁶

The closer they are to age 3 when you switch to a toddler bed, the better. However, some kids are ready younger. The level of independence that they can handle determines whether a toddler bed is safe for your child. Things to consider include how easily they can get out of their room and, if they did, how safe it would be for them around the home. If they can open their door on their own, one option is to put up a baby gate just outside their door. However, the benefit of a toddler bed is it is closer to the floor, preventing possible falls and injuries your toddler could experience from climbing out of the crib.^8,9

Use a Sleep Sack

Sleep sacks and swaddles are used for safe sleep for infants. But did you know there are larger sizes of sleep sacks for toddlers? They are completely safe for your toddler to use while preventing them from being able to climb out of their crib. Sleep sacks for toddlers keep their arms out but cover their bodies and legs. The benefit of this is that they cannot use their legs and feet to climb out of the crib, and they have a built-in blanket to keep them warm. Some toddlers still like the feeling of the sleep sack hugging their body, and it also helps them sleep better.¹⁰

Toddler-Proof the Room

If you have not already, ensure your little one’s room is safe if they escape the crib at night. This includes covering electrical sockets, anchoring furniture to the walls, and keeping anything unsafe out of reach. Here are some more ways to childproof:¹

• Secure cords on blinds
• Secure electrical cords
• Use finger pinch guards on doors
• Cover sharp corners
• Use a child safety lock on the door handle

How To Keep a Toddler in the Crib

You are likely wondering what steps you can take to keep your baby in the crib. Here are some helpful suggestions for you to try at home.

Move the Crib

Many cribs have shorter rails to make it easier to reach your child. You can reposition the crib, such as turning it 180 degrees. This can make it so your toddler can’t use that rail to climb out of their crib, and the taller rail is in the front.⁶

Remove Items

Make sure there are no items in the crib, such as pillows or toys, that your toddler can use as a way to give them a boost. Kids are clever and will use any means necessary to complete a task.¹¹

Stay Calm

The hardest and most important thing is not to overreact. A big display of emotions may have the opposite effect you are looking for when keeping your toddler in the crib. They may keep doing it for the attention. When they climb out of their crib, calmly pick them up and put them back in the crib, saying something like, “We don’t climb out of cribs.” Use some of the techniques to prevent them from climbing out and continue setting firm and calm boundaries. Toddlers thrive on routine and boundaries!¹¹

Use a Sleep Training Clock

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Even though your little one can’t tell time yet, there are special okay-to-wake clocks for toddlers that help them learn the right time to get up each day. Many use colors or just one number so they know when it’s the right time to wake up. Hopefully, this will prevent them from climbing out of the crib, giving you time to get to them each morning.¹¹

We know that your baby climbing out of the crib is scary as you constantly worry about their safety. Knowing what steps to take to prevent it is essential. We hope you find these tips helpful, but remember, this is a phase in your child’s development that will pass.

Empathy is a word we hear often. Many parents are concerned about teaching kids empathy or how to explore teaching it when raising their children. “Stick and stones” and “Put yourself in someone else’s shoes” are common phrases parents can use to get their children thinking about their actions and how they impact others. Teaching empathy is something we do from the moment our children are born without even realizing it. For instance, we say things like, “Use gentle hands” or “Pat the puppy gently.” With instructions like these, we start planting the seeds of empathy in our children early on.

But what is empathy all about? And why is it so important to teach our children to be kind and considerate of other people and their feelings? In this article, we’ll explore how children develop empathy and share steps you can take to help them.

What Is Empathy?

Empathy is putting yourself in someone else’s shoes and understanding their feelings. It’s a skill that helps us socially and emotionally as we use our experiences to understand the world around us and navigate social situations. We use our knowledge to help us decide how to respond to people because we understand their feelings and what they might need or want.¹

Why Is Empathy Important?

Empathy is an essential life skill for our children to possess, and it is linked with something called “emotional intelligence.” Emotional intelligence is the ability to understand our own feelings and others’ feelings and manage our emotions or respond to people in socially appropriate ways.² Empathy skills are beneficial because they:^2,3

• Help children be tolerant of others
• Increase social harmony and build strong, secure relationships with people around them (because they can better manage conflict and understand and communicate with others)
• Increase a sense of happiness and general well-being
• Lower stress levels
• Lead to increased success later in life, personally and professionally
• Help children become better at regulating and managing their emotions

When Do Children Develop Empathy?

When children are young, they are naturally egocentric. This means they typically think about themselves and their own needs. It’s not that they are mean or “bad.” They haven’t yet learned the skills that allow them to consider the needs and feelings of others.⁴ However, children are born with a certain innate level of empathy. But it’s more about a desire to be good or help people than genuine empathy.

Milestones in Empathy

Teaching empathy doesn’t happen overnight, and our children typically need to reach a certain level of development before they can truly understand others’ emotions.⁴ There are four key stages in developing empathy:⁵

• Noticing/Emotional contagion. This is an instinct where another person’s feelings evoke the same emotion in us. This happens when we watch a sad movie and cry alongside the character. It isn’t conscious; it’s an instinct. And we are simply observing.
• Correctly interpreting. We pay attention to or observe another person’s feelings. We increase awareness but don’t necessarily feel or truly understand the feeling.
• Feeling the same emotion. This stage is focused on feeling and understanding other people’s emotional experiences.
• Responding to the emotion. We understand the feelings of others, and we use this information to help us support or respond to that person’s emotions.

By age 2, children typically exhibit some fundamental empathy — they have an emotional response that corresponds with another person’s feelings (stage 3). Although children from as young as 18 months show signs of empathy (i.e., comforting someone who is crying), they don’t develop something called “theory of mind” until the age of 4.⁶ Theory of mind is being able to understand that other people have different beliefs and experiences from their own. From age 4, empathy continues to grow and develop into adulthood.⁶

Can Empathy Be Taught?

Absolutely! While empathy at some level is something we are naturally ingrained with, teaching empathy can also occur through experience and repetition. This means that early childhood experiences and parenting strategies can structure how to build empathy and, in turn, assist our children to become compassionate, kind people.

How To Teach Empathy

One of the most critical elements of teaching empathy is modeling and repetition. Children learn about empathy because they can practice and receive it.² So, how you interact with and raise your child will directly influence their capacity for empathy. Here are some specific ideas for training or supporting your child to develop empathy:

1. Walk the Walk

When teaching empathy, you must show your child what you expect from them. Show your child empathy, and demonstrate it with others in your life. Essentially, be a role model so they can see what you expect and how to learn and practice this new skill.

2. Teach Your Child About Emotions

Name feelings when you see them in your child, label feelings as you experience them, or identify feelings you see in others. Use many “feelings” words; for example, sadness has a range of feelings, from flat to devastated. The more words you give your child, the better equipped they will be to understand their and others’ experiences.

3. Help Your Child Manage Big Feelings

While it’s normal for our kids to experience intense or negative emotions (anger, shame, etc.), we must teach them how to manage them. If they can manage them in productive, positive ways, they will be better able to problem-solve and have stronger emotional intelligence (linked with empathy).²

4. Try Empathy Activities for Kids

Activities for teaching empathy include things like:

• Reading stories: This gets children to consider other people’s lived experiences. You could read a book and ask them questions to get them thinking, such as, “I wonder if that made that person feel sad?” or “I wonder how they feel about XYZ?”
• Playing with toys: Other activities could be as simple as providing toys your child can care about. For instance, playing with baby dolls.
• Dressing up: You could also provide them with costumes or dress-up items for compassionate/empathy roles (doctors, nurses, vets, teachers, etc.) so they can practice empathy skills during play.
• Role-playing: You could also role-play scenarios to get them to practice empathy. For example, play a board game; if you lose, you can tell them you feel upset and that it’s normal to feel upset when you don’t win. Ask them what they do to help them feel better. You can then practice the skill or strategy they share.
• Drawing emotions: Drawing can be a great way to teach kids about emotions. You could draw a heart and ask them to draw what feelings they have in their heart. They could also draw what they think an emotion looks like or color in an outline of a body and explain where they think different feelings exist within their body.

Developing empathy is an essential part of child development. It helps our children successfully navigate the social world and improves their mental health and well-being. Just remember that teaching empathy takes time. Your child won’t perfect the skill overnight; some adults haven’t fully mastered these skills. So, be kind (and empathetic) with your little one as they build this skill, and have patience, as it is complex and will continue to develop across their lifespan.

Sometimes, our little people have big feelings. Children experience emotions before they have the words to name or describe the feeling. Emotional literacy is fundamental to our children’s development and can influence their well-being, future success, and relationships.¹ Some children are naturally more capable of identifying and managing their emotions, but this skill is not something children are born with; it needs to be taught. All children need to have their emotional literacy nurtured and encouraged by their parents and other significant people. They must also learn to express themselves appropriately and be empowered to navigate the world around them.

What Is Emotional Literacy?

Emotional literacy is a person’s ability to identify, understand, and respond appropriately to feelings and emotions, both in ourselves and other people.² Every day, we navigate many feelings, and every person experiences emotions differently or in response to different things. However, once we know how to identify feelings, we can use this information to help us constructively manage or cope with uncomfortable or strong feelings.

Why Is Identifying Emotions Important for Children?

We don’t know what feelings are and how to identify or cope with them when born. But as we grow, our emotional literacy develops and helps us “read” our and others’ emotions, which helps us better describe what we need or want. We can also understand and navigate other people’s emotions. Some key benefits of being able to understand and manage emotions include:^3,4

• Coping and regulating our emotions. Your child can only manage emotions when they understand them and why certain emotions were triggered, but also helpful and healthy ways of expressing or coping with those feelings.
• How we cope as children can often follow us into adulthood, so your child must learn to manage emotions early.
• When your child can cope with big feelings, they can behave more appropriately and are less likely to hurt themselves or others.
• Identifying their emotional needs and getting them met in assertive and healthy ways.
• They are better able to control their impulses.
• They are more likely to bounce back after adversity or challenges.
• Being able to empathize with others as we are more emotionally aware, which helps us manage socially and ensure we have strong, secure relationships as we can more easily connect with others

Teaching Children How To Identify Feelings

Your child’s emotional literacy and ability to understand and manage their feelings develop over time. Since our children experience emotions before they can describe them, they need significant support from their parents to help them develop the language skills to name their feelings. They will also need to take it a step further and learn strategies to help them cope with the feelings once they know what they are dealing with! Some strategies for building on emotional literacy include:^5,6

1. Name It to Tame It

Imagine how uncomfortable, frustrating, or potentially frightening it would be to experience the sensations of an emotion without knowing what was going on. Especially uncomfortable sensations like sweating palms, a racing heart, and feeling warm or shaky. When your child is showing an emotion, if you can identify it and help them understand what they are feeling and why, it can reduce their frustration and fear. This is because they can better understand what is happening in their body and feel more in control. For example, you can tell them, “I can see you are frustrated because your sister won’t share her toys with you.”

In addition, when our kids know what they are feeling, they are better equipped to manage and handle it. For instance, we manage angry feelings in very different ways than sad feelings, so it’s helpful to know the specific emotion they need to address.

2. Name That Emotion

Label emotions you can see other people expressing. The more often you help your child make connections between situations and emotions, the more they can see feelings “in action” and have more knowledge. When they are better equipped to notice feelings and understand why they happen, they will become more compassionate and empathetic. For example, tell them, “Can you see that your sister is happy she won the running race?”

3. Give Them Words

Knowledge is power, they say, and that includes emotional literacy. So, the more words your child has, the better equipped they are to communicate and express their unique emotional experience. For example, are they frustrated or enraged? Flat or devastated? Having more words allows your child to express their full emotional range, which helps them match coping strategies effectively and ask someone to meet their needs appropriately. You could provide a list of emotions specifically for kids (child-friendly words that are developmentally appropriate or images to help them understand) or find a children’s emotion chart to help them decipher and understand their feelings.

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4. Play Emotion Games

You might play a game of “guess that feeling,” where you make a face and see if they can guess your feelings. Or perhaps you could play emotions bingo (which is like regular bingo, except you print out pictures of faces expressing emotions and work on matching pairs). You could even read books or watch TV shows, have them guess emotions, and tell why the character(s) might feel that way.

5. Use Positive Role Modeling

Our children always watch and learn from what they see us do. So, let them see you naming your own emotion and then watch how you cope. You might say, “Gee, I’m feeling pretty frustrated. I need to take a nice calm breath.” Be a positive role model and show them what behavior you want to see in them.

6. Teach Them How To Cope

Emotional literacy is critical because it underpins emotional regulation. Not only should we teach our kids how to identify feelings, but we should also show how to manage them. Consider teaching calm breathing skills, jumping up and down (star jumps, bouncing on the trampoline), getting a cuddle, going for time in a quiet place, or other ways to regulate themselves. Effective coping strategies are unique to each person, so find out what works for you and your child.

Emotional intelligence and literacy are not things we automatically have skills in; they are things we must learn. All children need help and guidance to manage strong emotions. The lessons they learn as kids will stay with them throughout their lives, and emotional literacy will help your child navigate social situations, develop meaningful and strong relationships, and have generally positive well-being and life satisfaction. Teaching your child about their emotions is an invaluable investment in their future.

“But I want it now!” All children go through a me, mine, now phase as small babies and toddlers, and it’s normal for them to be egocentric. In other words, they are the center of the universe, and everything revolves around them.¹ You’re not a bad parent, nor is your child bad if they go through this stage. But what is normal, and when do you have a spoiled child on your hands? And if you have noticed some spoiled characteristics creeping in, don’t worry; it’s absolutely possible to unspoil a child.

Signs of a Spoiled Child

Spoiled kids are ungrateful and used to getting what they want when they want it. And if they don’t, wait for the meltdown. They aren’t just learning how to navigate the world and consider other people; they have no appreciation for what others need and expect people to meet their needs or wants without giving (or doing) anything in return.¹ Other signs or behaviors to watch out for include:²

• Limited self-control
• Being domineering or bossy
• Aggression
• Being self-centered
• Impulsivity

What Causes a Child To Be Spoiled?

I’m sorry to say a lot of spoiled behavior comes down to parenting. This is not to say that parents who spoil their children are bad, as it’s mostly unintentional.³ Many children end up spoiled because their parents want the best for them! As parents, we want to please our children and ensure their happiness. We give them gifts, arrange special treats, and visit restaurants, stores, amusement parks, etc., to entertain them. However, this can accidentally result in children becoming entitled or expecting this kind of treatment all the time.

But the main reason children become spoiled is from lenient or permissive parenting. This is when a parent doesn’t have firm boundaries or many rules and doesn’t use discipline.⁴ This can make children self-centered, immature, selfish, and narcissistic. No one can be perfect all of the time, parents included. And it’s easier to give in sometimes and say “yes,” but children learn that if they nag, whine, or throw a tantrum, they will get what they want.

Sometimes, treating and spoiling children or being permissive comes from guilt. Lots of parents are working long hours outside of the home. Spending time away from their little ones makes them feel bad, so they try to “buy” their love or even unintentionally try to make things easy and fun because they don’t have enough hours with them. And it’s a nicer way to spend time together than having arguments and putting in place rules or consequences.

Nothing is wrong with the odd bit of spoiling or a special treat, and no one can always be perfect. We’ve all been that tired parent who picked their battle, looked away from challenging behavior that was not ultimately harmful or dangerous, and decided not to pick up on it. But we are talking about patterns, where being entitled and spoiled, or having a lack of boundaries and rules, are reinforced over and over, not a little treat occasionally.

How To Unspoil Your Child

With all this in mind, can you learn how to unspoil your child? Absolutely!

Essentially, spoiled behavior lasts as long as we continue to reinforce it. This means we undo entitled and demanding behavior by being consistent with rules, expectations, boundaries, and consequences and not giving in. It’s easier said than done, as children who have gotten used to things going their way might have strong feelings when the rules change. So, here are some strategies to help your child re-engage with their empathy and compassion and to support you in unspoiling them.

1. Don’t Make Things Too Easy for Them

I’m not saying be mean or unhelpful, but sometimes we accidentally do too much for our kids and don’t allow them to learn life skills. When we do too much for them, we smooth the pathways in their lives, meaning they don’t learn how to cope with disappointment or challenges. So, start small and let them experience a challenge or bit of discomfort. For example, instead of rushing to tie their shoes, allow them to have a go first. Or instead of buying them another ice cream because they don’t want vanilla, allow them to eat the vanilla flavor or not eat the ice cream you purchased.

2. Patience is a Virtue

In our modern world, nearly everything we want is the “touch of a button” away. Want to talk to grandparents on the other side of the world? Done! Want to watch any movie you can think of on demand? Done! We need to allow our kids the opportunity to practice being patient. It’s a skill learned over time. So, don’t rush to give things. Much like the previous strategy, don’t be too quick to give them what they want. Make them wait or earn something before they can get what they want.

3. Teach Them To Manage Big Feelings

A large part of unspoiling a child means you must help them manage strong emotions. This is because they will have to learn how to cope with being patient, disappointed (as mentioned previously), or distressed when things don’t go well. Teach them calming skills or strategies to help manage their anger — moving their bodies about, learning to talk about things, calm breathing, etc.

4. Learn How To Cope When They Tantrum

This one is more for you than your child. There is no need to interfere if they aren’t in danger during a tantrum. Stay present and close by (we don’t reject our children when they have big feelings), but don’t engage with a tantrum. I know; it’s hard when you are in public and mortified that they are melting down because they couldn’t have the chocolate bar. But giving in at that point will only reinforce spoiled behaviors you want to eliminate.³ Stay firm, allow them to have a tantrum, and ensure you look after yourself, as it can be stressful and overwhelming when our kids express big feelings.

5. Have a Gratitude Attitude

It’s essential to know how to teach a spoiled child appreciation. One key way of doing that is by developing a gratitude attitude. Grateful children are happier, more optimistic, have better social support (they tend to give more social support and receive support in return), and are more satisfied with their lives.⁵ We can teach gratitude by things like:

• Modeling the behavior we expect from our children
• Drawing their attention to the positives and silver linings in life
• Giving back (donating time and resources to help others out)
• Being aware of other people and their lives (differences, cultures, history, challenges, etc.)
• Developing a daily ritual of identifying something small you are grateful for in your lives
• Gratitude exercises and activities

It is possible to unspoil your child; it just takes consistency and persistence. When you can do this, not only will your child benefit, but so will you and the entire family. Being grateful and appreciative helps your child be happier and improves their well-being.⁵ Of course, your child isn’t perfect, so sometimes they seem ungrateful or a little demanding, but that’s normal. Turn these into teachable moments, and continue with your consistent rules, boundaries, and expectations. These spoiled moments will fade away soon enough.

Thumb-sucking is a natural behavior for infants and young children. Studies show that approximately 90% of newborns exhibit some form of sucking reflex or hand sucking within two hours after birth.¹ You may have even looked on in delight during an ultrasound visit or two before your little one made his debut as you witnessed him sucking his tiny thumb in utero to comfort himself.

It’s truly remarkable to think about our innate ability to self-soothe, even before birth. But as time goes on and your child grows older, that cute habit can cause concern. Parents of thumb suckers worry about every implication, from damage to teeth to possible infections and even teasing from other children. Let’s delve into the world of thumb-sucking, examining its benefits, drawbacks, alternative options, and everything in between.

Pros of Thumb-Sucking

So, is thumb-sucking bad? Thumb sucking is considered normal behavior in infants and young children and should not pose any permanent issues if it ceases by the age of 5. Usually, the positive aspects of thumb sucking are not widely discussed. However, one study says that there may be benefits to having your fingers in your mouth.²

Researchers in New Zealand followed about 1,000 people born in 1972-1973 until their 38th birthday. When they were 5, 7, 9, and 11, the researchers asked their parents if they sucked their thumbs or bit their nails. When they tested at 13 for allergies to common things such as dust, grass, cats, dogs, and molds, they found that 38% of those who had an “oral habit” tested positive — whereas 49% of those who didn’t suck their thumbs or bite their nails tested positive. This “protection” was still there at age 32.²

Thumb-Sucking Cons

Many children naturally stop thumb-sucking between the ages of two and four. Parents need not be concerned until the eruption or breaking through of the front teeth. Potential problems such as bite issues or protruding front teeth may arise at this stage.¹

Prolonged thumb sucking may cause problems with the proper growth of the mouth and the alignment of teeth. It can also cause changes in the roof of the mouth.³ If the bite does not correct itself and the upper adult teeth are sticking out, orthodontic treatment may be needed to realign the teeth and help prevent broken front teeth.⁴

The intensity of thumb sucking plays a role in determining whether such issues might develop. Other possible problems resulting from thumb sucking include sore thumbs, infections, and calluses.¹

Pacifier Pros

Using pacifiers is harmless for babies and infants and can offer great benefits. They have been found to have analgesic effects, which means they can help soothe and comfort little ones during stressful scenarios. Pacifiers can make the end of a feeding, a new environment, or even a minor medical procedure like routine shots more bearable. For preterm infants, using pacifiers has even been shown to lead to shorter hospital stays, which is fantastic news for worried parents.⁵

Another significant advantage is that pacifiers can reduce the risk of sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS). Offering pacifiers to infants from one month and older at bedtime can be a helpful precautionary measure against SIDS.⁶

Pacifier Cons

However, as with most things, there are potential downsides to prolonged pacifier use. One concern is that a pacifier could negatively impact breastfeeding, causing difficulties for both the baby and the mother.⁶ I vividly recall coming home from the hospital with our newborn and hesitating to introduce a pacifier. A lactation consultant’s warning about potential nipple confusion echoed in my mind, and we tried various soothing techniques to calm his cries.

However, after about two weeks, my mom and mother-in-law both urged me to try a pacifier for his comfort. Reluctantly, we gave in, and the result was instant calm for everyone. Plus, my son never experienced any issues with breastfeeding. The American Academy of Family Physicians suggests educating mothers about pacifier use in the immediate postpartum period to avoid breastfeeding issues.⁶

Consider Dental Health

Dental health is another consideration. Extended use of pacifiers might lead to dental malocclusion, which can affect how the teeth align. Adverse dental effects are more likely to become noticeable after two years, especially when pacifier use continues beyond four years.⁹

Additionally, there’s a risk of otitis media, an ear infection associated with pacifier use.⁹ Medical experts recommend weaning children off pacifiers during the second six months of life to prevent this.⁶

Is Thumb-Sucking or Pacifier Use Less Damaging?

Experts suggest that pacifiers may be preferable to thumb-sucking for several reasons. Pacifiers are softer and cause less damage to the teeth compared to the prolonged pressure of thumb-sucking. Additionally, the plastic rim on pacifiers can alleviate some tension on the teeth. From a hygiene perspective, pacifiers are easy to clean, promoting better oral health than a thumb’s constant presence.¹

When it comes to the best pacifier for a thumb sucker, it’s important to remember that there isn’t a one-size-fits-all solution. Every baby is different, and finding the correct pacifier may involve trial and error to see which one your baby prefers.

How To Stop Thumb-Sucking

While one technique to stop this behavior can be simply ignoring it until your child naturally abandons the habit, some methods exist to stop the behavior. If ignoring it isn’t effective, try one of these techniques:

Praise Them for Not Sucking Their Thumb

Encourage positive behavior in your child by offering praise and small rewards for refraining from thumb-sucking. You can start with an hour before bedtime and maybe work up to no thumb-sucking after dinner. Celebrating their accomplishment with stickers on a calendar may motivate them.⁸

Figure Out What Causes the Behavior

Identifying the underlying issue of why your child is sucking their thumb and offering comfort through alternative means is essential. Instead of thumb-sucking, provide reassurance and comfort with a warm hug or comforting words. Introducing a pillow or stuffed animal can also be a helpful and soothing substitute.⁸

Be Gentle With Reminders

If your child unconsciously sucks their thumb, kindly offer gentle reminders to stop the habit. Use a compassionate approach to encourage them to discontinue thumb-sucking naturally. By providing understanding and support, you can help your child gradually break the habit in a positive and nurturing manner.⁸

Overall, thumb-sucking can have pros and cons for children, making it vital for parents to be aware of its impact on their little ones. Understanding that thumb-sucking can serve as a coping mechanism for stress or comfort, parents can be more attuned to their child’s behavior and emotions. Being proactive about monitoring the intensity and duration of thumb sucking can also help address any potential oral health issues early on. Parents can guide their children through this developmental phase and ensure their healthy growth with a caring and supportive approach.

Rainy days can sometimes feel daunting. Knowing your kiddos will be cooped up inside all day can send any parent into a tailspin. While it is easy to turn on screens and call it a day, it can be helpful to use it as an opportunity to get creative and play (with maybe some screen time thrown in there). Below are 12 screen-free things to do on a rainy day, from indoor activities for kids to ways to venture outside and have fun in the rain!

6 Rainy Day Activities and Games for Kids

Rainy days are a great excuse to engage in several indoor activities for kids — specifically games. Here are some favorites:

1. Board Games

For younger kids, pull out classics like Candyland, Chutes and Ladders, and charades. A newer preschool game that is quite the hit is Zingo — a great game for matching skills. For older kids, take out games that may be trickier or take a little longer. Games like Monopoly (target skills: numbers, money sense), Chess, Checkers, Guess Who (target skills: deduction; yes/no questions), Pictionary, and Blokus are great for slightly older kids.

2. Scavenger Hunts

Scavenger hunts are often considered outdoor activities, but they are equally great indoor activities for kids. Make a list of items (something green, something you use to eat, etc.) for your child to find around the house. Or organize the scavenger hunts by room — kitchen items, playroom items, etc. Make a visual scavenger hunt using pictures for younger kids who aren’t reading yet.

3. Building a Fort

Grab blankets and pillows, clear a space in the living room, and task your children with building the ultimate fort. You’d be surprised by how long this activity can captivate kids. Plus, it helps them to work on task planning, teamwork, and problem-solving.

4. Family Puzzle Time

Break out a large puzzle and delegate tasks to everyone. One person can find the edge pieces; one person can find the corner pieces, etc. Work on coordinating everyone’s efforts to put together the puzzle.

5. Super Silly Fashion Show

Have everyone go into their rooms and assemble the silliest outfit they can find. Then, have everyone walk down the hallway as if it’s the runway. It’ll be so fun to see everyone strike their best pose. You can also play upbeat music and shine lights to make it more realistic. Creativity plus laughter is the best combination.

6. Cooking and Baking

Some of my favorite indoor activities for kids involve the kitchen. Have your kids help you pick out a recipe and give it a go. Sometimes, involving kids in cooking a new meal or recipe helps motivate even the pickiest of eaters to try something new because it gives them control and ownership over the situation. Plus, they see all the ingredients that went into it.

3 Indoor Craft Activities for Kids

Rainy day crafts are another great indoor activity for kids to pass the time when stuck inside. The benefits include creative stimulation, fine motor skill practice, attention/focus, etc. Here are some indoor craft activities to get you started:

1. Sewing

Depending on your child’s age, you might want to take the opportunity to teach them how to sew. Have them make a pillow or special clothing for their favorite teddy bear. The point is not for the finished project to look recognizable but for your child to engage in the action of stitching and sewing.

2. Recyclable Creations

Raid your recycling bin with your child. You’d be surprised what kids can create with cardboard boxes, plastic milk jugs, metal cans, and their imaginations! They could craft anything from animals to robots to cars.

3. Process Art

Take any random supplies you have — paper scraps, plastic buttons, glue, tape, pipe cleaners, etc. — and lay them all on the table. Then, let your child engage in “process art.” This means creating art with a focus on engagement with materials and the process of creating rather than the finished product.

3 Activities To Do IN the Rain

While the driest options are indoor activities for kids on a rainy day, not all things to do on a rainy day involve staying inside. It’s super fun to take some time to explore outside while it’s raining. Throw on some rain boots, raincoats, and umbrellas, and head outside. Here are some ideas to make outside time in the rain fun:

1. Engage Their Senses

Discuss how the rain feels to your child’s senses. What does it smell like? What does it sound like when it hits the ground versus when it hits a car? Have them open their mouth and stick out their tongue — how does the rain taste? Is it warm or cold?

2. Play With Puddles

Have a puddle jumping competition and see who can make the biggest splash! Or bring a ruler outside and measure how deep different puddles are. Which one is the deepest? Why might that be?

3. Count Worms

Go for a walk and count how many worms you see. Worms tend to come to the surface or get uncovered when the ground gets wet. You’ll often see them on top of lawns, in puddles, or even floating down sidewalks. As you count each worm, talk about it. Is it a long one or a short one? Is it moving or staying still?

Remember to look on the “bright side” of rainy days — they’re a great excuse for quality time with your kids. They are also a chance to engage in screen-free indoor activities for kids. Rainy day activities for kids don’t have to be elaborate. Just pull out the games, the crafts, and rain boots, and have fun!