After having my two kids, I wasn’t as prepared for the amount of hair loss I would experience. I knew about postpartum hair loss and that it would likely happen to me, but I wasn’t expecting how much or how long it would take for my hair to grow back. It’s been two years since I had my last child, my daughter. Now that I’m finally feeling more like myself again, I’m ready to prioritize my health, needs, and wants. It’s time to make time for me. Last year, I committed to a full body/mind health and wellness journey. Now, this year, I’m including my hair.

Why my hair?

Currently, I have very thin, fine hair. My hair has always been fine, even when I was younger. But back then, I had a lot more of it. I even remember sitting at the hair salon when I was in middle school and high school, and the hairdresser told me on more than one occasion that I had “so much hair.” But as I’ve gotten older, it has thinned out. And once I had kids, it’s as if the thinning-out process went into hyperspeed! I feel like I barely have much left.

The hair loss wasn’t too bad after the birth of my first child. However, after having my second, it was way more noticeable to me. I’ve tried not to put too much thought or emphasis on it because I remember that I need to be kinder to myself. I’ve grown, birthed, and am caring for two beautiful children. I always tell mothers that they are beautiful just the way they are, and I am beautiful, too. Hair is just hair, right?

But as the months and now years have passed of me putting myself last on my priority list, my confidence also went away. When I looked in the mirror, I didn’t recognize the woman I was anymore. I learned it’s okay to want better for myself and do things that make me feel more confident. Last year, my goal was to get stronger, and I did! I lost 15 pounds and gained muscle. This year, I am continuing to focus on my health and wellness. I’m now including my hair in my health journey, too. Here’s what I’m doing for my “New Hair, New You” Renewal Plan. I’m starting it with Viviscal.

My “New Hair, New You” Renewal Plan

This May, my family and I are going to Maui! Maui has a very special place in our hearts because that is where my husband and I married nine years ago. I want to look and feel better than I did on my wedding day, so I am continuing to do my workouts five days a week, keep track of my diet/macros, and I’m now starting to use Viviscal to help me get fuller, thicker hair from the inside out. My hair has been one of my least favorite features, especially after experiencing postpartum hair loss, so now I’m doing something about it. Here’s what I’m using and doing for my new hair renewal for healthier postpartum hair.

Hair Supplements

I am taking my hair renewal plan seriously and am doing more than just focusing on what I’m doing to my hair and putting on my hair. Healthy hair starts from within. I’m not only improving my diet, drinking more water, and taking my vitamins, but I’m also taking Viviscal™ Hair Growth Supplements.

Viviscal Hair Growth Supplements

I recently learned Viviscal is the #1 selling hair growth supplement in the U.S.+ After researching, I like that they are 100% drug-free and have been proven to improve hair thickness and reduce shedding within 3-6 months.* In a clinical study, 92% of women saw thicker hair, a 32% increase in terminal hairs, and a nearly 39% decrease in hair shedding/loss in just three months. Amazing! Three months is the perfect amount of time for me to get the results I want before our trip in May. I also like that Viviscal™ Hair Growth Supplements are suitable for all types of hair, so I don’t have to worry about whether or not it’s right for me. (Of course, consult your doctor or health professional if you have questions before starting a new supplement or medication.)

Other supplements I am taking are:

• Viviscal Hair Self-Care Supplements – nutrition formulated with collagen, keratin, and amino acids to support healthy hair structure and deliver nutritional building blocks, which are essential for healthy-looking hair
• Viviscal Scalp Nourish Supplements – nutrition formulated with hyaluronic acid, biotin, and antioxidants to support a healthy scalp environment by delivering essential nutrients to nourish and fortify root follicles, providing a strong foundation for beautiful, healthy hair to grow

Hair Products

Now that I know Viviscal understands the science of healthy hair growth and is 100% drug-free, I’ve decided also to use their entire line of hair products to help me reach my goal of having fuller, thicker-looking hair. Here’s my new hair routine:

Viviscal Exfoliating Scalp Scrub

Healthy hair starts with a healthy scalp. Massaging and stimulating our scalp is good for encouraging healthy hair growth. Viviscal Exfoliating Scalp Scrub gently exfoliates and removes dead cells, buildup, and dirt from the scalp. This helps support a healthy scalp environment, resulting in less breakage and fuller-looking hair. I’m using this scrub once a week on my scalp before shampooing and conditioning to have a healthy hair foundation.

Viviscal Thickening Shampoo

Selecting a shampoo formulated to nourish and volumize your hair is helpful. I’m using Viviscal’s Thickening Shampoo because it strengthens and reduces breakage* while gently cleansing and stimulating the scalp. I like that it is safe on color-treated hair because I have fine, thin hair with highlights and lowlights. I’m massaging this from my scalp to the ends of my hair. I used to wash my hair every other day, but I want to ensure I don’t dry out my scalp or hair. This is why I’m now stretching out my hair wash days to twice a week. (*Use in conjunction with Viviscal Strengthening Conditioner.)

Viviscal Strengthening Conditioner

I’m using Viviscal’s Strengthening Conditioner with their Thickening Shampoo. This conditioner nourishes and hydrates your hair without weighing it down. This is what I need with my thin, fine hair. It’s easy for my hair to get weighed down, but using a little bit of this does the trick! I use this every time I wash my hair after shampooing, but I only apply this on the ends of my hair. It helps strengthen the ends and reduces breakage.* (*Use in conjunction with Viviscal Thickening Shampoo.)

Viviscal Thickening Serum

After showering, I softly dry my hair with my towel and gently brush through my damp hair. Then I apply 2-3 pumps of Viviscal Thickening Serum and coat my hair from mid-length to the ends. I like this leave-in treatment because it eliminates frizz* and is lightweight, so it doesn’t leave my hair greasy. You can also apply it to dry hair! This is great since I use this on my hair almost every day. (*Use in conjunction with Viviscal Thickening Shampoo and Strengthening Conditioner.)

Viviscal Volumizing Dry Shampoo

Now that I’m stretching my hair-washing days to twice a week, a good dry shampoo is essential. I’m using Viviscal Volumizing Dry Shampoo as a texturizing spray and heat protectant after I dry my hair. I use it daily to remove oil from my scalp and hair and refresh and restore its volume. This helps me go longer between washes, leaves my hair looking fuller, and gives it long-lasting freshness. I also love that it’s fortified with Keratin and Marine Collagen. These will protect my hair from heat damage caused by the sun and heated hair tools.

18 Hair Practices & Tips

Now that you know what products I’ll be using for my new hair renewal, here are some practices I’ll also implement. I recommend these for healthier postpartum hair:

1. Brush your hair before showering – distribute the natural oils from your hair to the ends and remove tangles before getting it wet.
2. Wash hair less often – over-shampooing can strip natural oils from your hair and scalp and leave it dry. This can make it more prone to breakage.
3. Don’t take extremely hot showers – the heat from the hot water can irritate your scalp and weaken your hair.
4. Do a quick cold-water rinse in the shower – turn the water to cold after shampooing and conditioning to seal the cuticles shut and maintain healthy hair.
5. Condition the ends of your hair – when conditioning, apply it on mid-shaft to the ends of your hair to limit weighing down your hair.
6. Don’t rub your hair with a towel – rubbing your hair with a towel can cause tangles and breakage. Instead, squeeze it dry and let the towel absorb the water.
7. Don’t go to bed with wet hair – hair is more vulnerable to breakage when wet, so dry your hair before bed.
8. Massage your scalp daily and exfoliate your scalp weekly – this can help keep your scalp healthy, which creates a healthy environment for your hair.
9. Limit the use of heated hair tools – a lot of damage is done to hair when heated tools are used frequently.
10. Reduce heat setting on heated tools – instead of 400+ degrees, use hair tools that allow you to select the temperature and select 320 degrees or less.
11. Use a heat protectant before styling – always apply a heat protectant on your hair before blow drying or using heat to style your hair.
12. Don’t do too tight of hairstyles – wearing tight hairstyles and wearing it up frequently can cause hair to break.
13. If you have fine hair, don’t use elastics – this can cause hair breakage.
14. Eat a well-balanced diet – a healthy diet with B vitamins, protein, zinc, and essential fatty acids helps grow healthier hair.
15. Drink plenty of water – staying hydrated helps keep your body and hair hydrated.
16. Sleep on a silk – swap your cotton pillowcase for a silk pillowcase. Silk reduces the amount of friction between your hair and the fabric, which helps reduce breakage. Put your hair up in a loose top knot with a silk scrunchie.
17. Trim your hair every 2 months – you want your hair to stay healthy and not break off at the ends. Trim the damaged ends and keep the length to continue growing strong, healthy hair.
18. Fewer hair processing appointments – limit the number of times you process your hair with dyes, perms, and relaxers.

Improve Your Hair with Viviscal

With this hair regimen using Viviscal products and these hair practices, I should achieve fuller, thicker, and healthy-looking hair by summer! I’m incorporating healthy habits into my life, and Viviscal naturally fits in with my wellness goals and New Year’s resolutions to take better care of myself. If you are postpartum or a mom with littles and want to work on your health, join me on this healthy hair journey to get results when warmer weather hits!

+ Based on Circana MULO unit sales for L52 wks ending 6/23/23.

* The Food and Drug Administration has not evaluated these statements. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease.

Sponsored partner: Viviscal

Having a baby comes with a wide range of experiences, from pure joy and wonder to overwhelm and exhaustion and everything in between. After giving birth, the thought of having another baby may be the furthest thing from your mind. On the other hand, you may already be thinking about baby names for your little one’s future siblings. Whatever your desires for your family are, it is helpful to be aware of when your menstrual cycle may resume, as well as the possibility of pregnancy after delivery. Read on to learn about when you can become pregnant again after having a baby and available options for postpartum birth control.

Why Should You Use Birth Control After a Baby?

After delivery, your menstrual cycle may restart without skipping a beat, so your body may ovulate. This happens before your first period. Typically, ovulation occurs when one of your ovaries releases an egg. The egg then waits for a sperm to fertilize it. Having unprotected sex during this time can result in another pregnancy within weeks of delivery.^1,12

If you are breastfeeding, then menstruation is often delayed, but most women start menstruating again by six months. On the other hand, if you are not breastfeeding, your period can return as soon as a few weeks after giving birth.¹² Unless you have decided you want to get pregnant again immediately after giving birth, abstinence or an effective form of postpartum birth control can help you avoid this.²

There are health benefits for moms and babies that have been correlated with waiting at least 12 to 24 months between giving birth and becoming pregnant again.^3,4 The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists advises that women avoid interpregnancy intervals of less than six months and recommend waiting at least 18 months to achieve another pregnancy.¹³ Spacing pregnancies can decrease your risks for preterm birth, maternal anemia, and postpartum depression with your next pregnancy.^4,5,6 Allowing your body time to heal allows it to recover and replenish nutrient stores, such as folic acid. This can help ensure you are ready for pregnancy if or when you decide to have another baby.⁵

There is an exception to this recommendation in the case of miscarriage. If you are healthy and ready to conceive again, waiting does not benefit you.⁴

How Long After Giving Birth Can You Have Sex?

There isn’t a universally agreed-upon amount of time you need to wait before having sex after giving birth. However, after delivery, your body requires time to heal. If you delivered vaginally, your cervix had to open or dilate to 10 centimeters and is gradually shrinking to its pre-pregnancy size.⁶ Sexual intercourse with penetration before this has happened puts you at an increased risk for uterine infection.¹⁴

Many healthcare providers advise waiting at least until after your six-week follow-up appointment to resume sex, particularly if you require stitches for a tear or had a C-section.⁷ If you delivered vaginally and intact, which means there were no perineal tears, you may be cleared for sex as early as two weeks after delivery.^6,14

What Might Be Your Most Effective Options After Having a Baby?

When choosing a birth control method after pregnancy, you’ll want to consider when or if you would like to get pregnant again and how conveniently the method fits into your new lifestyle.⁷ It is essential to keep in mind that even methods of birth control that are considered to be the most effective do not come with a 100% no-pregnancy guarantee. Only refraining from sexual intercourse can make that claim.²

Here are some postpartum birth control options listed from most to least effective:^3,6,12

• Tubal ligation for mom or vasectomy for dad: These are one-time surgical procedures.
• Long-acting contraceptives: For instance, intrauterine devices (IUDs) or hormonal implants. Your OB healthcare provider can insert these while you are in the hospital, and they last for years.
• Short-acting hormonal methods: Examples include the mini pill, oral combined contraceptive pills, patches or vaginal rings, and injections every three months. These must be taken as prescribed to be most effective.
• Barrier methods: These include condoms and diaphragms. They must be used every time you have sex.

Talk with your OBGYN care provider about these options to decide what will work best for you and when to start birth control after delivery.⁶ Until you have chosen and established a reliable postpartum birth control method, talk to your partner about condoms to help prevent another pregnancy.⁷

Birth Control While Breastfeeding: What Are My Options?

There is some debate about whether birth control pills that contain estrogen reduce milk production. Some women have experienced this once starting estrogen-containing birth control pills, even after their milk supply has been established. If you are concerned about this possibility or have had milk production challenges with previous pregnancies, alternative options include pills that only include progesterone (the mini-pill) and certain IUDs.¹⁰ If you choose to breastfeed your baby, be sure to discuss which contraceptive method you are most comfortable using with your OB care provider.

Can You Get Pregnant While Breastfeeding?

It depends. Under specific circumstances, breastfeeding may delay ovulation.⁶ Without an egg, pregnancy cannot happen. The lactation amenorrhea method (LAM) uses breastfeeding as birth control. If any of the conditions are not met, however, you can get pregnant even though you are breastfeeding. Here are the criteria required for the lactation amenorrhea method to prevent ovulation:^6,12

• Your period must not have resumed yet.
• Your baby must be less than six months old.
• Your baby is breastfeeding exclusively, meaning you are not giving formula or solid food.

The reliability and duration of the LAM can vary. Be sure to discuss using breastfeeding as your postpartum birth control method with your OBGYN care provider.^4,9

Can You Take Plan B While Breastfeeding?

Plan B (Levonorgestrel) can be used as an emergency contraceptive if you either have unprotected sex or you suspect there may have been a lapse in effectiveness from the method of birth control you used. If you take Levonorgestrel and you are breastfeeding, some of the medication may cross over into your breastmilk, but the small amount should not harm your baby.¹¹

Levonorgestrel is a lactation category 2 medication, indicating there is limited data. However, it is probably compatible with breastfeeding. There is no absolute indication to pump and dump. There is a theoretical risk that it could impact your milk supply. Waiting three to four hours after taking a dose before breastfeeding is recommended.¹¹

Because your body may resume ovulation soon after giving birth, it is essential to consider your birth control options. If you are ready to be sexually active and would rather not get pregnant again, talk to your OB care provider about available contraceptive methods.

The infamous “mom pooch” can make moms feel as if they look pregnant long after they have delivered their babies. While it may sound superficial to be worried about a small bulging belly postpartum, it is a legitimate medical condition called diastasis recti.

Diastasis recti affects more than just your self-image and confidence; it can cause symptoms from pain to balance issues and more. Fortunately, it is usually diagnosed and treated easily. We will examine the condition, its causes, symptoms, prevention, and treatment.

What Is Diastasis Recti?

Your “six pack” comprises two columns of abdominal muscles called the rectus abdominis. They run vertically from your ribs to your pubic bone. The linea alba is a band of tissue that separates the left and right sides. When these two columns of abs separate and the linea alba widens, this is called diastasis recti. This usually happens due to increased intra-abdominal pressure, such as during pregnancy.¹

While there is always some degree of separation between the rectus abdominis muscles, diastasis refers to an abnormal degree of separation.² Many experts consider separation of more than two centimeters abnormal. However, diagnosing diastasis recti depends just as much on symptoms as the numerical distance.¹

How To Check for Diastasis Recti

Diastasis recti can usually be diagnosed with a simple test. You might even identify it on your own. Lie on your back with your knees bent and feet on the floor, lift your shoulders off the ground, and notice the shape of your belly. If you have abdominal separation, you might see the vertical center line between your abs bulges. You might also be able to feel a significant gap between your abs.³

If you suspect you have diastasis recti, your provider can examine you. They may palpate or feel your abdomen in different locations — above, at, and below your belly button. They may use their fingers to measure the gap, or they may use a tool called a caliper to get a more precise measurement. Sometimes, they may use an ultrasound to observe the abdominal gap.^2,3

How Common Is Diastasis Recti?

Diastasis recti is very common during pregnancy and postpartum. Some sources report that around 60% of women are affected by it.³ However, exact percentages can be hard to identify because experts and practitioners use different diagnostic and cutoff values.²

For example, even if two centimeters is the universal threshold, is this in a flexed or relaxed state? And is the separation measured above, at, or below the belly button? It is also important to remember that abdominal separation is common even in women without true diastasis recti, especially above the umbilicus.¹

One study had physiotherapists assess diastasis recti in pregnant and postpartum women. They classified diastasis recti into mild, moderate, and severe cases based on fingerbreadths between the recti muscles at, above, or below the navel while performing a crunch.⁴

If the therapist could see the linea alba protruding during the crunch, this was considered diastasis recti, even if the width of the gap was less than two fingerbreadths.⁴ Based on these criteria, this study found that 60% of women had the condition at six weeks postpartum, and 33% of women still had diastasis at one year postpartum.⁴

What Are the Risk Factors for Developing Diastasis Recti?

Little is known for sure about the risk factors, but these are some theories on contributing influences:

• Older maternal age⁴
• How many babies you have had and how close together they are^2,3
• Body mass index²
• Frequent heavy lifting⁴
• Having a large baby or multiple babies⁴
• Multiples, like twins or triplets⁴

Although some of these risk factors may contribute to the development of diastasis recti, it is a common condition and can occur even without any of these risk factors.³

What Causes Abdominal Separation?

Abdominal separation happens during pregnancy because of increased volume and pressure in the abdomen. Your growing baby and uterus stretch the abdominal muscles, so the linea alba widens, thins, and protrudes. The linea alba is elastic and typically shrinks back together after delivery. If the linea alba stretches too much and does not retract after pregnancy, this causes diastasis recti, in which the ab muscles remain separated postpartum.³

Diastasis Recti Symptoms

Diastasis recti often begins during pregnancy as your abs separate to make room for your baby.³ This separation can cause some of the following symptoms:

Feeling of Instability

Diastasis can weaken your abdominal muscles, and your core aids a lot in balance. With a weak core from diastasis recti, you may feel unstable.^1,3

Midline Bulge

When the ab muscles are separated, your abdominal center line may bulge, especially under increased abdominal pressure.¹ This pouch can sometimes feel soft or jelly-like.³

Coning During Pregnancy

In cases of diastasis recti during pregnancy, your bump may form a point where your abs meet instead of appearing perfectly round. This means that, besides the gap between your abdominal muscles, the linea alba protrudes, especially under pressure. Coning may begin in pregnancy but can persist postpartum, and you should watch for this triangular shape in your abdomen when engaging your core.⁵

Incontinence

Your core muscles and pelvic floor muscles are interconnected, so separation and weakness in the abdominal muscles can cause the leaking of urine during pregnancy and postpartum.³

Pain

While the abdominal separation should not be painful, the weakening it causes of the abdominal muscles can contribute to pain elsewhere. Core and pelvic floor weakness and instability can lead to pain during sex, back pain, and chronic pelvic and hip pain.^1,3

Diastasis Recti Treatment

If you are experiencing these symptoms or have found a wide gap between your abdominal muscles even without other symptoms, you are probably wondering how to fix diastasis recti and bring your core back together. Most of the time, treatment consists of physical therapy exercises for diastasis recti combined with increased bodily awareness. Some people choose to wear abdominal binding devices or pursue surgery, though surgery is rarely necessary.³ Different treatments for diastasis recti are outlined here:

Exercise

If you wonder about working out with diastasis recti, you may find conflicting information about the best way to rebuild core stability. However, certain movements and exercises are essential to regaining core strength and stability. Many sources say that when you have diastasis recti, you should avoid traditional core workouts and poses, such as crunches, plank, downward dog, and boat pose. These can increase abdominal pressure, push ab muscles out, and worsen separation. Many sources also recommend avoiding heavy lifting, and a good rule of thumb is not to lift anything heavier than your baby.³

However, one study demonstrated that curl-ups could strengthen and thicken abdominal muscles without increasing separation.⁶ The key is to ensure you are performing these diastasis recti exercises properly and with awareness — watch your belly as you do the curl-up to ensure no noticeable protrusion or coning is occurring.⁶

Another study implemented a deep core stability exercise program that significantly decreased abdominal separation and increased quality of life. The program involved diaphragmatic breathing, Kegel exercises, plank poses, and isometric abdominal contraction.⁷

A physical therapist who specializes in core and pelvic floor concerns of pregnancy and postpartum may be able to help tailor a core rehabilitation program for you. While diastasis recti physical therapy can sometimes improve the appearance of a midline bulge, it is more effective at regaining the proper function of the ab muscles, regardless of how they appear.¹

This means that while you may be looking for a dramatic difference between diastasis recti before and after photos, the more important thing is you regain proper function of your abdominal muscles to improve symptoms such as instability, incontinence, and back and pelvic pain.

Abdominal Binders

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Some women wear abdominal binders postpartum to hold their abdomen in place and provide low back support. Wearing a binder can remind you to use good posture and engage your core muscles properly; however, these binders do not strengthen the core or heal diastasis recti.³

Surgery

Surgery can reconstruct, repair, or strengthen the linea alba to decrease bulging.¹ It can be performed laparoscopically or open, but it is usually reserved for severe cases that do not respond to therapy.¹ Some consider this surgery controversial because it is mostly performed for cosmetic purposes. Diastasis recti may be improved in a “tummy tuck” procedure.⁸

Those who have had repair surgery may feel dissatisfied if their symptoms or appearance do not improve as they expected. Surgery can also cause complications such as infection, bruising, scarring, and other abdominal damage, and a relapse of the diastasis is also possible.¹ If you choose to pursue surgery, you should wait at least two years following childbirth, and you should not be planning for any future pregnancies.⁸ Surgery is necessary in the case of an umbilical hernia, in which part of an organ pops through the linea alba.³

Can You Prevent Diastasis Recti?

You may not be able to completely prevent abdominal separation during pregnancy, as this naturally happens to accommodate your growing baby. However, you can do things to decrease the severity of the separation and lower your risk of diastasis persisting postpartum:³

Be Aware of Abdominal Pressure

Core-specific exercises like sit-ups and planks can increase belly pressure and cause abdominal separation. These are best avoided after the first trimester of pregnancy. Similarly, heavy lifting of weights or even groceries or toddlers can cause strain. Limit heavy lifting to prevent excessive abdominal pressure. When heavy lifting cannot be avoided, engage your deep core muscles to support your rectus abdominis muscles. Watch your belly for linea alba protrusion during lifting, and modify your motions to decrease coning.³

Log Rolling

One way to avoid undue pressure in your abdomen during pregnancy and postpartum is to log roll when getting out of bed. Instead of doing a sit-up or crunch to rise from a reclined position, roll to one side, then use your arms to press yourself up. Decreasing abdominal pressure in everyday activities like this may help prevent diastasis recti from developing or worsening.³

Diaphragmatic Breathing

Belly breathing engages your core with each breath, releasing pressure and tension. This can help prevent abdominal separation. To practice belly breathing, place one hand on your chest and the other on your belly. Inhale. Your belly should press out while your chest remains stationary.^3,9

Exercise

Multiple studies have shown that prenatal and postpartum exercise can reduce the width and severity of the ab gap. This may be because exercise helps you maintain core strength during pregnancy and postpartum and also helps with weight management.¹⁰

Healthy Weight Gain

One study found that body mass index and weight gain during pregnancy are related to the development of diastasis recti. Awareness of weight gain during pregnancy and keeping your weight gain healthy may help prevent diastasis recti.²

Is It Ever Too Late To Fix Diastasis Recti?

Fortunately, it is never too late to fix diastasis recti. If it has been years since you have had a baby and you are still dealing with diastasis recti, you might be wondering how to fix it years later. You can almost always repair abdominal separation with the right physical therapy exercises. The same exercises, core engagement, and bodily awareness that can repair diastasis recti in the early postpartum days can improve your diastasis years later.³

After all your body has been through in pregnancy and postpartum, it can be frustrating and disheartening to experience lasting effects on your abdominal muscles. While it can be tempting to jump back into core workouts to sculpt your body and regain strength, this may be counterintuitive. Fortunately, diastasis recti can drastically improve with the right therapy and some time.

After I delivered my first daughter, I could barely sit. I had second-degree tearing from birth and had many stitches in place. It burned when I peed. My whole bottom ached so badly, and it felt like my insides were falling out of me. It hurt to laugh, walk, and use the bathroom. I cried and worried I would never feel normal again. I also wondered how I could best perform perineal care to soothe my pain and heal well.

Your perineum, the diamond-shaped area consisting of your urethra, vagina, and anus, is a particularly sensitive area both physically and emotionally.¹⁸ Injury to this area can be painful and upsetting. Fortunately, with good medical attention and home follow-up perineal care, you can feel like yourself again. Here, we will review vaginal tears from birth and how to help your perineal heal postpartum.

What Is a Perineal Tear?

A perineal tear refers to trauma that occurs to the female genitalia during a vaginal birth.¹ Most commonly, the vagina tears toward the rectum, but a tear can extend from the vagina in any direction: toward the urethra, out to either side, or toward the rectum.¹ These tears happen because the perineal tissue has not adequately stretched before the delivery of the baby’s head. The vaginal opening is too tight or small for the baby’s head to fit through, so a tear increases the diameter.¹

Perineal tearing can occur spontaneously, meaning the vaginal tissue tears on its own as you push out the baby. Alternatively, a provider may perform an episiotomy or a small cut in the vaginal opening to help get the baby out faster or prevent a worse natural tear in a different location. Episiotomies are increasingly controversial.²

On average, women who have a vaginal birth have an 85% chance of experiencing a perineal tear. However, tearing is most common during first births, and the likelihood decreases with each birth.¹ This held for me, as I did not experience any tearing with my second delivery.

In addition to varying in the direction of tearing, perineal tearing can vary in the depth of tissue it extends into.²

Degrees of Perineal Tearing

Perineal tearing is classified based on how deep the injury extends into the vaginal muscle and beyond. There are four degrees of tearing:^2,19

• First-degree: Only the vaginal mucosa and perineal skin are involved in a first-degree tear, and the repair may or may not require stitches.
• Second-degree: A second-degree tear involves both the vaginal mucosa and perineal muscles. It requires stitches or surgery for repair.²
• Third-degree: Lacerations that involve the anal sphincter muscles are called a third-degree tear. Third-degree tears can be further classified into what percentage of the anal muscle is affected.¹ These tears require surgical repair in the delivery room or operating room.²
• Fourth-degree: A fourth-degree tear extends from the vaginal skin through to the rectal epithelium. It requires advanced repair, usually in an operating room.¹

If you had a vaginal tear during childbirth, you might wonder how long it takes to heal. Depending on the severity, most perineal tears significantly improve within two weeks. Any stitches for perineal tears typically dissolve by your first postpartum appointment at four to six weeks.³

After my first birth, my stitches did not dissolve by my six-week postpartum check-up, so my provider had to remove them. The thought of it was worse than the experience of it, but it was pretty painless! And once the stitches were gone, I started to feel much better. My provider suspected they were possibly causing some tugging that enhanced my pain and soreness.

Possible Complications Following a Vaginal Tear

Vaginal tearing can sometimes cause complications after giving birth, depending on the severity of the tear, the repairs completed, and the perineal care afterward. Some possible complications of perineal tearing include the following:

Infection

In one hospital audit of women who received stitches for their perineal tears during birth, 5%-11% developed an infection. Infection of a perineal tear is more common if a doctor performs an episiotomy, if your water is broken for a long time, or if you have an instrumental delivery with forceps or a vacuum.⁴

Symptoms of infection of a perineal tear include:⁴

• Perineal pain
• A reopening of the wound
• Purulent (pus-like) discharge.

Contact your provider immediately if you think you have a perineal tear infection.

Bleeding

It can be difficult to know the source of vaginal bleeding postpartum. Some amount of vaginal bleeding after birth is normal due to lochia or shedding of the remaining uterine lining.⁵ However, significant amounts of blood loss, whether from the uterus or a vaginal tear, can be concerning because you could be at risk for postpartum hemorrhage.⁶

Most of the time, once your perineal tear gets stitched, the bleeding will stop. If bleeding persists, your provider may pack the wound to apply pressure. If the bleeding still doesn’t stop, your provider may administer local medications to encourage your blood to clot at the site of the tear.⁷

If a large amount of blood accumulates within the vaginal or vulvar tissue, you could develop a hematoma or a collection of blood under the surface of the skin, similar to a bruise.⁸

Chronic Pain

Anywhere from 6.1% to 11.5% of women experience chronic pain after childbirth. One report showed that C-section mothers report less chronic pain than those who had vaginal births.⁹ Lingering perineal pain can depend on the degree of vaginal tearing as well as other factors, such as having an operative vaginal delivery with forceps or a vacuum.^9,10 Persistent vaginal pain can also contribute to painful intercourse when you resume having sex postpartum.¹¹

Incontinence

Damage to the pelvic, vaginal, and rectal muscles can sometimes lead to incontinence. This means it is possible to leak urine, stool, or gas after experiencing vaginal tearing during birth.¹¹ Pelvic floor physical therapy can help regain control of these muscles after perineal damage.^15,20

Scar Tissue

Most of the time, once your vaginal tears heal, they are completely gone and will not cause any more issues. However, you can develop scar tissue.¹¹ Scar tissue can also be called granulation tissue, which means the wound “over-heals.” It can become swollen or red and may bleed. Usually, this resolves independently, but if you are experiencing difficulty with granulation tissue, you should seek evaluation by your medical provider.^12,21

Perineal Care at Home

Besides caring for your baby, you must care for your body, particularly your bottom. From managing pain and cleansing to voiding and stooling, here are some tips for taking care of your perineum postpartum:

Hygiene

Keep your bottom as clean and dry as possible. You will likely experience lochia, or bleeding and discharge from the vagina, for four to six weeks postpartum. Wear a pad during this time, and change it often. Do not use a tampon, a menstrual cup, or anything else to “catch” this blood and discharge, as this can cause infection or further damage to your vagina.¹³

Buy Here

You can clean the outer vulva with mild soap and water in the shower. Do not put any cleaning products inside the vagina, and avoid using anything abrasive or heavily scented.¹⁶

When you change your pad or use the bathroom, apply a witch hazel pad or gel to the sore or stinging area. This may help relieve burning in the area. You can also use an ice pack.¹⁴

Urinating

In my experience, urine can cause stinging and burning to vaginal tears while they are fresh. One of my postpartum nurses taught me to spray warm water from a squeeze bottle at the vagina while passing urine. This dilutes the urine and lessens the burning sensation.¹⁴

Bowel Movements

Bowel movements can be difficult to pass in the early postpartum days and weeks. Avoid bearing down too hard in an attempt to pass stool. This can cause hemorrhoids and increase perineal muscular pain and soreness. Keep your bowel movements soft and frequent by increasing fluid and fiber intake. You can also talk to your provider about whether a stool softener might be helpful for you.¹⁴

After a bowel movement, avoid aggressively wiping. Instead, consider rinsing the area with a perineal spray bottle or briefly dunking in a sitz bath. A sitz bath is a shallow bath that sits atop the toilet opening. It allows just your perineum to soak for a few minutes. This can relieve pain and help with cleansing.¹⁴

Pain

You are probably wondering how to relieve pain from vaginal tearing and stitches. Avoid sitting in the same position for long periods (easier said than done with around-the-clock nursing and holding a newborn!), and avoid sitting or putting pressure directly on your perineal wounds. Consider sitting on a soft, padded cushion or pillow, or even a donut-shaped pillow, to relieve pressure on the area.¹⁴

Talk to your provider about the use of medications and ointments for pain postpartum. Some people experience relief from muscle soreness by taking ibuprofen. Others like to apply a numbing spray, and some use hemorrhoid cream.¹⁴

Weakness and Incontinence

If you are experiencing pelvic floor weakness, pain, or incontinence, consider doing Kegel exercises to retrain and strengthen your muscles. To perform a Kegel, pretend you are clenching your vagina around a marble and lifting it. Hold for three seconds or as long as possible, then release and repeat 10 to 15 times. You can do a set of Kegels multiple times throughout the day.¹⁴

Products To Help With Your Perineal Care

When preparing to care for your perineum at home, there are some supplies and medications that may be helpful to have on hand. From ways to manage postpartum vaginal bleeding to tools that help with pain and cleansing, here are some items that may help with perineal care postpartum.

Adult Diapers

Many women rave about wearing adult diapers like these for postpartum vaginal bleeding. I did not like the idea of taking off my pants every time I wanted to take off and put on a new diaper. I stuck with regular menstrual pads. You may want to have both on hand.

Pads

There is no doubt that you need postpartum pads for at-home perineal care, and you will go through many because you should change them frequently. My personal favorites were basic, unscented, wingless pads like these. You may already have a go-to brand or style; most will work fine.

Ice Packs

You will want to have absorbent pad-style ice packs to apply to your perineum to relieve pain from tearing and reduce swelling. My hospital sent me home with lots of extras. If your hospital does not supply excess ice packs, these are the ones I used. Some women prefer to make “padsicles” by applying witch hazel cooling gel and crushed ice to a pad and sticking it in the freezer.

Witch Hazel Pads

My hospital supplied me with a good supply of witch hazel pads, but I stocked up on these when I ran out. Witch hazel is thought to relieve pain and reduce inflammation in the perineum postpartum.¹⁷

Spray Bottle

A perineal spray bottle can be useful as an alternative to wiping with toilet paper after using the bathroom. It can also help to spray water toward your vagina while urinating to relieve the burning caused by urine hitting your vaginal tears. This spray bottle is great because it can be used more easily upside down.

Sitz Bath

A sitz bath sits on top of your toilet seat and holds a shallow amount of water to soak your bottom after using the bathroom. It can help cleanse or relieve some swelling and pain related to perineal tears. You can also add Epsom salt or magnesium to your sitz bath to help relieve pain.

Perineal Spray

A close friend gifted me this Earth Mama Perineal Spray and Balm kit at my baby shower. I loved having it on hand postpartum, providing cooling relief to my second-degree tears.

Medications

In addition to the supplies you may want on hand for postpartum perineal care, there are some medications you may need and should have in advance. As always, talk to your provider before taking any medications, especially if you are breastfeeding.

Numbing Spray

Some women also like to use a medicated cooling and numbing spray containing benzocaine to relieve some of the pain and soreness from their stitches.

Stool Softeners

Different stool softeners and laxatives work for different people. My provider recommended Colace for me postpartum, and I took it a few times when I needed relief from postpartum constipation.

Hydrocortisone

If you experience hemorrhoids in addition to your perineal tearing, you may want to apply hydrocortisone cream to shrink them and relieve any pain or itching they are causing.

Ibuprofen

Ibuprofen is good to have on hand and works great to relieve pain and soreness related to perineal tearing. Check with your provider before taking it, as it can put you at greater risk for hemorrhage.

Dealing with vaginal tearing and performing perineal care can be daunting on top of taking care of a newborn. It is best to be prepared with supplies for perineal care in case you need them postpartum. It can feel like a lot of steps just to pee in the early postpartum days and weeks, but taking care of your perineum postpartum will soon become second nature and aid in healing, so you do not have to do all these extra steps for long!

Many mothers are led to believe that once the baby is here and greets us earthside, it must mean the journey is over for us, right? Wrong. So, so wrong. After you have the baby, the “fourth trimester” starts.⁵ And it can be a doozy. The fourth trimester is the most challenging part of growing and having a baby. It’s a total shift in how you’ve lived your life for the past nine months. Right after birth, your estrogen and progesterone levels drop dramatically.¹ With your hormones all over the place, along with the physical and emotional act of giving birth, it can knock you down on your knees, leading to postpartum rage.

What Is Postpartum Rage?

Postpartum rage is when you experience irritability, anger, frustration, or fits of rage after giving birth as you adjust to having a new baby in your life.² Mothers may describe “postpartum rage” as seemingly coming from nowhere, and it leaves them feeling depleted and shameful or guilty afterward. It can occur when your expectations of motherhood (that you will be joyful and positive about your mothering journey) don’t align with the reality and challenges of parenting.^2,3

It’s important to know you’re not alone in feeling those feelings of “postpartum rage” during this rough period. People often talk about postpartum anxiety or depression, but while there is some crossover with things like irritability or changes in mood (which form part of those diagnoses), it’s not necessarily about feelings of depression or anxiety. Instead, you experience outbursts, anger, and frustration. It follows with guilt and shame for experiencing postpartum rage.²

What Are the Symptoms of Postpartum Rage?

The symptoms of postpartum rage may include:^2,6

• Uncontrollable temper or intense anger and frustration
• Screaming or swearing at others more than normal
• A physical expression of anger, such as punching or throwing objects
• Feelings associated with depression, such as sadness and loneliness
• Dwelling on things that make you upset for longer than normal
• Being unable to improve your mood on your own
• Experiencing violent thoughts or urges
• Feeling a flood of emotions, such as shame, after an episode

Although you may be experiencing these symptoms, not much on the outside may indicate there’s a problem. Sure, there are the bags under your eyes from lack of sleep. You may be short and sometimes rude with your words. But that isn’t uncommon for a new mom.⁷ After all, you may still be recovering from birth and are caring for a newborn. While you may have tried to prepare yourself for this postpartum experience, you cannot truly be ready for the reality of it.

It’s important to note that symptoms or signs of postnatal rage could also signal things like postpartum depression, postpartum anxiety, or another postpartum mood disorder.^2,6 So, seek support if you notice any other changes in your mood, well-being, or ability to cope. You should also get help if these symptoms are impacting your bond with your baby or causing suicidal feelings or thoughts of harming your baby.³

Postpartum Rage Is Not Uncommon

Many women don’t realize that postpartum rage is common.^2,6 However, mothers may be scared to talk about it, experience it, and explore what is bubbling under the surface. As mentioned, our hormones have been on the largest rollercoaster known to man for the past nine months. The world expects us to return to normal, drop everything, and become the ultimate #1 mom. Sometimes, it feels like the world forgets we moms are human beings who may have difficulty adjusting to our new life. What about seeing us as people who have gone through something intense? Yes, it’s incredible and something we are grateful for, but it’s a massive mental, physical, and emotional change in our lives. Perhaps we, too, need to be comforted and treated as we recover.

Birth can be a beautiful thing, and it is a beautiful thing. There is nothing like finally meeting a healthy baby after a long time of unknowns and worry. However, I recognized that a lot of my postpartum rage came from not being recognized as a woman who just went through hell to meet her baby. Don’t get me wrong; “Mom” is a great title. But we are still individuals with needs to meet. That shouldn’t be too much to ask.

You Are Not Alone

There are also many postpartum scenarios women deal with. Postpartum is not a one-size-fits-all, and it doesn’t affect everyone the same. Some mothers have experienced miscarriage, stillbirth, or infertility. Does that make their postpartum journey any less than? Not even close. Postpartum rage can be much harder to deal with in those situations. Without a saving grace, it’s even harder to go on and hold in some of that rage while continuing your everyday life. Your hormones are still there, your feelings are valid, and the postpartum emotions can become unbearable in these situations. It’s important to know that you’re not alone.

The “fourth trimester” is an important time for you, and the people around you must know that you need care, compassion, and support. It’s a time to love and nurture your baby — but also be loved and nurtured yourself. You are not any less of a mom if you’re experiencing sadness and rage or not feeling yourself. Of course, you should be thankful for what you have, but you can also acknowledge what you’ve been through. You are starting your new role as a mother; just don’t forget about the role you played before this new life.

What To Do and Treatments for Postpartum Rage

If you find yourself feeling intense rage postpartum, prioritize getting help. There are several treatment options, so it’s best to talk to your doctor to determine the best route for you. Here are some of the different options:²

• Support groups: Receiving self-help advice and meeting other mothers going through the same experiences may help validate your feelings. You can join a support group that meets online or in person.
• Talk therapy: You may consider going to talk therapy with a trained counselor or psychologist to discuss your experiences and learn coping techniques for anger and other emotions.
• Medication and/or hospitalization: When necessary, medication or hospitalization may be needed temporarily to help improve a mother’s overall state of mind.

Resources for Postpartum Rage

If you or someone you know is experiencing bouts of postpartum rage and needs more help and information, consider reaching out to one of these resources:

• Postpartum Support International (PSI): PSI offers online support groups, teletherapy, a helpline, online professional training, and other services.
  • Phone or text crisis line: 1-800-944-4773
• The Bloom Foundation: This organization offers free peer-to-peer support group calls on Zoom calls led by trained postpartum advocate facilitators.
• National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI): This mental health organization is dedicated to building better lives for the millions of Americans affected by mental illness.
  • Phone helpline: 800-950-6264
  • Text “Helpline” to 62640
• 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: This organization offers free 24/7 helplines for people in a crisis who may be considering taking their lives.
  • Call or text: 988

Above all else, you’re not alone in these uncharted waters. You are a part of a community of moms who have the same feelings postpartum as you do. There are many of us out there, and we all need to stick together in the roughest times, knowing we’ll get through this. They say it takes a village to raise a child. It also takes a village to love and care for the mother of that child.

When it comes to breastfeeding in those first newborn days, it can feel like there are a million moving parts to get your baby on the breast with a “perfect” latch and breastfeeding successfully. With so much going on, recommended breastfeeding techniques can be easily overlooked and leave mom with not only sore nipples but also an aching back or neck. Let’s take the part where mom’s back is killing her while nursing out of the equation by bringing in a nursing pillow. Nursing pillows are excellent tools to help you get your little one into an ideal position for breastfeeding.

What Is a Nursing Pillow?

Nursing pillows are breastfeeding tools used to support the baby and assist in making breastfeeding as comfortable as possible for the mom. The nursing pillow allows the mom to help adjust the baby into an ideal position for successful breastfeeding.¹ Most commonly, a breastfeeding pillow will come across the front of the mother’s abdomen and wrap around her slightly above the hips. Nursing pillows are generally found in a C- or U-like shape and made of a foam material. Many breastfeeding pillows come in various forms, sizes, and colors. Two of the most common brands are Boppy and My Brest Friend.

What Is a Nursing Pillow For?

Nursing pillows are designed to help your baby be propped up into an ideal breastfeeding position, helping mom and baby breastfeed comfortably with optimal support. Commonly, breastfeeding mothers will have complaints of a sore back or neck. This usually comes as a result of the mom moving her body down to the baby’s level to latch and feed. Breastfeeding pillows allow mom to position baby in a more supported and higher-up position, bringing baby up to her.

This support allows for a better position for the mom to work on the baby having a good latch and helps prevent the mom from being hunched over and causing stress on her back and neck areas. When breastfeeding is comfortable for both baby and mother, it will be easier to meet breastfeeding goals and have a successful breastfeeding journey.¹

How To Use a Boppy Pillow

The Boppy pillow has a simple, user-friendly design. With both of my daughters, I chose to use the Original Support Nursing Pillow by Boppy for breastfeeding. I found the Boppy to be easy to use, and it offered the perfect amount of support for me to breastfeed comfortably. Although colors and design were not at the top of my priority list when looking for the ideal pillow for breastfeeding, it was nice to see the large variety of prints and colors available to choose from. The size of the Boppy made this feeding pillow convenient to bring anywhere I went.

Here’s how to use the Boppy Pillow:

1. Find a comfortable seated position.
2. Place the opening of the pillow around your waist or side, depending on where you need support for your preferred breastfeeding position.
3. You are now ready to feed your baby.

How To Use a My Brest Friend Pillow

Another commonly recommended breastfeeding pillow is the My Brest Friend pillow. This feeding pillow offers a backrest to help give support to mom’s back and neck by promoting good posture. It also has a wraparound design to assist in maintaining the feeding position while nursing, a large “firm front” cushion for the baby to rest on while feeding, and even an armrest for the mom.

Here’s how to use My Brest Friend Breastfeeding Pillow:

1. Find a comfortable seated position.
2. Place the pillow around your waist with the backrest behind you.
3. Move the pillow to your desired height for breastfeeding.
4. Use the clasp to close and secure the pillow.
5. Make sure the pillow is close to your body and comfy.
6. Place baby on the pillow, and you are ready to breastfeed.

Benefits of a Nursing Pillow

Nursing pillows allow baby to be in a higher position, which provides a better opportunity for baby to latch well and supports mom’s back and neck by adjusting baby so she does not need to hunch or bend over.¹

One published study specifically looked at the impact nursing pillows had on mother’s fatigue levels. The result showed that fatigue levels were lower for mothers who used pillows while breastfeeding. They attribute this to babies being in a position where they are more motivated to feed and can feed more successfully. Being in a position to latch well leads to fewer breastfeeding complications such as nipple pain, engorgement, and mastitis.²

Another benefit of nursing pillows is the convenience factor. While bed pillows or rolled blankets can help get the job done, breastfeeding pillows offer convenience, helping mom get their baby into a comfortable position before each feeding with little effort.

Are There Other Ways You Can Use Your Nursing Pillow?

You should only use nursing pillows for nursing or bottle-feeding. You should never lay your infants in or prop them up on a feeding pillow and leave them alone for the risk of rolling into a position where something may obstruct their breathing. The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) has acknowledged that breastfeeding pillows can pose a safety risk for little ones if misused and has even called for new regulations for the design and marketing of nursing support pillows.³

Things To Keep In Mind When Buying Nursing Pillows

It is easy to get overwhelmed when deciding on products you might need for your baby, including which breastfeeding pillow to choose. I always recommend doing your due diligence when researching products. Look into all the details to see what product best meets your needs and expectations.

If possible, try out different nursing pillows before you purchase one. If you have a friend who has a Boppy pillow, My Brest Friend pillow, or another breastfeeding pillow, ask to borrow it to find out which might work best for you and your little one. Once your baby arrives and you can give them a try, you can see which one you are most comfortable with and make an informed purchase. Unfortunately, there is no one-size-fits-all when it comes to which nursing pillow works best. Every individual will have a different preference as to which is most comfortable and supportive to their needs. There are also many nursing pillows for tandem feeding if you have twins!

Moms, we want you to meet your breastfeeding goals and be as comfortable as possible while doing so. Nursing pillows offer support, comfort, and convenience when it comes to getting yourself and your baby into a breastfeeding position that will set you up for a successful feeding session. As always, contact your lactation team or healthcare provider if concerns or questions arise during your breastfeeding journey. You are never alone!

We might think the hard part is over once we’re out of the delivery room, and the rest will be all sunshine and roses, and we’ll spend our days cuddling our new sweet baby. But you ain’t seen nothing until you start the postpartum period. So many things happen after delivery that it can be shocking.

Our bodies are different, our hormones are going wild, and all we want to do is look at our sweet baby and sleep. But if you already have a baby or two, you know that is unlikely. We’ve got some surprising things you will encounter during your postpartum period.

30 Fun Facts About the Postpartum Period

Here are 30 fun and relatable truths about the postpartum period to laugh about and share with others.

1. Your Belly Does Not Just ‘Go Down’

If you’re having your first baby, you are in for surprises. Get this: Not only will you probably leave the hospital still looking pregnant, but you may not lose any weight either. Your belly doesn’t just “go back down,” and if you have gone through the trouble of delivering 8 pounds of love, you should, at the very least, get credit for their weight.

2. Your Breasts Will Have a Mind of Their Own

Your breasts are basically like having a personal sprinkler. And if no one told you, they might get engorged and hurt, or you could develop thrush. You better put those nursing pads on because you might be in the grocery store, hear someone else’s baby cry, and start to let down right there in the produce department.

3. Your Baby is Going to Cry

Look, these aren’t a few little whimpers because they are hungry. Nope, those little things can wail. The screams are so loud and powerful that it makes you wonder how they don’t have a sore throat all the time. FYI: These are essential baby facts that you need to know. But, thankfully, resting in a loving mom or dad’s arms often does the trick, along with a boob or a bottle.

4. It Might Feel Like Your Baby Never Sleeps

This is a rough one. In addition to the usual baby cries and whines, colicky babies scream for hours. And that screeching can be maddening. Talk to your doctor and have a support system if your baby has colic. It could save your sanity.

5. You Will Have to Poop After Delivery

As much as you may not want to believe that it will happen after you push a watermelon out of a hole the size of a lemon, you won’t ever not have to go to the bathroom again. You must prepare yourself, both mentally and physically, for this moment. Just in case, it can help to take stool softeners and have one of those peri spray bottles with warm water ready. Breathe, think happy thoughts, and gently push. Believe it or not, billions of mothers have pooped after having a baby and lived to tell the tale.

6. You Are Going to Love Those Mesh Panties

They are ugly as sin, but those suckers are amazing. Fill them with those awesome ice packs or padsicles, and you are set. Take advantage of it, sister, and sneak a few pairs home with you. Most nurses will load you up, and there is no shame in your game if you want to feel good after the baby is born.

7. Your Baby Will Need So Much Stuff

You’ve clearly heard from someone who gave birth long ago that they never had any of the fancy baby stuff we have today, and we turned out just fine. Sure, but these are also people who could choose a smoking or non-smoking room at the hospital. Yes, there are baby things you need, but it isn’t necessary to get it all. Talk to your friends who have recently had babies (or peruse our resource); they can give you great advice.

8. Your Baby Will Pee On You

This is a helpful newborn fact to remember. And if you have a boy, watch out. The second their penis hits that cold air during a diaper change, they let it rip. You can’t stop it, so prepare to be quick. Have that diaper or a wipe ready and shield yourself. But it’s not just boys. Girls pee during diaper changes, too.

9. Your Baby Will Also Poop On You

We’re talking about poop again, but trust us when we say those newborn blowouts are the real deal. Many a onesie has been destroyed by baby poop. Yes, those baby clothes are cute, but there is no shame in grabbing the scissors and having a proper burial for a baby sleeper. Always bring extra clothes, just in case.

10. Sex Postpartum Might Terrify You

The first time you have sex after having a baby brings the same fears and hesitation as the whole poop thing. Your body has undergone some significant changes; some even call it trauma. It’s natural to be a little cautious of intimacy. Talk it through with your partner beforehand so everyone is on the same page.

11. You Will Spend a Lot of Money

Be prepared to go wild with everything you need, or think you need, in the newborn baby days. Just be careful not to over-buy anything. Babies grow fast, and they may be too big for all the things.

12. You’re Going to Cry

Um, yeah. The emotional roller coaster doesn’t stop when your baby is born. You might burst into a big old puddle of tears if someone in your household drinks the last Diet Coke or changes the channel. And boy, there are so many tears when a person in the house wakes the baby. Everyone needs to tread lightly.

13. You’re Going to Be Exhausted

In case no one told you, a newborn is exhausting. When you finally get a chance to sleep, it’s like they know and poop that very second and start screaming. That whole “sleep when your baby sleeps” only works if you have your first baby. If you have other kids, it’s just a pipe dream. Take care of yourself, and get your partner to help.

14. You’re Going to Live in Your Pajamas

There is no reason to trade in your jams or sweats for anything that buttons during your postpartum period. No one is judging a new mom trying to balance it all. And if they do, forget them. They are not your real friends.

15. You’re Going to Be Overwhelmed by All This Stuff

Yes, baby gear is cute and fun, but you probably don’t need it all. Before you know it, your home will be overtaken by things that sing, light up, soothe, warm, calm, and relax. And none of that stuff is for you. Skip the excessive and stick to the basics for feeding, clothing, and diapering with some fun things in between.

16. You’re Going to Hide From Visitors

Yes, you will probably want your mom to help you, but the neighbor you grew up with and friends you haven’t seen in 30 years, not so much. Set boundaries for visitors and say no if you aren’t up to it. And if someone comes over unexpectedly, go ahead and hide in a closet. They’ll eventually go away.

17. You’re Going to Get a Lot of Gifts

And you might hate them. Gift givers don’t always share your style, follow your baby registry list, or get the right size. Babies grow quickly. That is a newborn fact, but you don’t have to use it all. It is okay to take things back without feeling guilty. But, if it is a super special thing that the gift giver just had to pass on, wear it and use it when they are around. Plus, don’t forget to say thank you. If you don’t have time for notes or a call, a quick text does the trick.

18. You’re Going to Be So Darn Thirsty

If you are breastfeeding, stay hydrated. We all know that cups and bottles are big business, and some moms love the cups from the hospital. Drink that water. You are not a camel and can’t hold onto it the same way; be sure to replenish.

19. You Might Feel Like You’re Starving

After delivery, you will want to eat a big meal. Get it, girl. So many women want to indulge in sushi or a giant turkey sandwich after birth. They have waited a long time to eat those forbidden foods. Make sure your partner is ready with whatever it is you’re craving.

20. You Will Not Be Able to Drive

This one is tough. A lot of times, moms feel like they’re trapped inside their own homes. They can’t drive, and much of that has to do with pain medication after birth. That first time they get behind the wheel is the first taste of freedom. Even if you only go to Target, take that ride and love it.

21. And You Will Be in Pain

After you give birth to a baby, you are sore. That’s just a baby fact. This is particularly true if you have a C-section. Take care of yourself. And if the doctor says not to lift anything and don’t overdo it on the stairs, listen. There is nothing worse than hurting yourself or getting an infection after birth.

22. Embracing Your Body Will Be Important

Nope, it will never be the same after you deliver your first baby. Your body will change, and guess what? Your partner will probably either be happy with or not care about that change. They realize you have made an enormous sacrifice having that baby, and they love your new form. You should, too.

23. You Will Overload Everyone With Pictures

Suddenly, you will be the queen of social media and sharing pics of your baby. Nope, nothing is wrong with that. You are a proud mother of a newborn, and you want to share it with the world. But maybe save some pics for Grandma and Grandpa.

24. You Will Compare Yourself to Other Moms

Guess what? Everyone’s journey is different, and moms do things that work for them and their babies. It is okay if you bottle feed instead of breastfeed. Cloth diapers are great, too. Feel out your newborn and see what makes them happy during the postpartum period. You don’t need to go wild with all the baby gear to make your baby happy.

25. You Will Plan Out Their Whole Life

Whether you hope you have a tap dancer on your hand or a football star, you will have big dreams for your little one. It is okay to daydream, but don’t be surprised if they go in another direction. It is also perfectly acceptable to mix the best of both worlds.

26. You Will Wish It Away Without Realizing It

Even though you don’t realize it, you might hope your baby hits all its milestones when it should or earlier. Before you know it, they will be walking and running around. One day, they may even be in college. Take advantage of every stage of life. You’ll never regret it.

27. You Will Enjoy That Hot Shower

It may seem silly, but a nice shower might be all a mom needs to refresh herself. A clean body and newly washed hair can do wonders for a mom in her postpartum period. Plus, you get that time alone that you are craving. Unless, of course, you have older kids slipping a note under the door. Have a pen ready to let them know your partner can get them juice, too.

28. You Will Be Nervous the First Time You Leave Your Baby at Home

Whether you like it or not, you must get away from the baby for a few minutes. Everyone needs a day or night out to be an adult. It is normal and the best kind of self-care. Leave your baby and send 50 texts to make sure they are okay. Especially if it is someone you love, you will feel much better.

29. You’re Going to Go Nuts About the Baby Monitor

Don’t spend too much time watching your baby sleep. Get some stuff done around the house during the postpartum period. Yes, it is tempting to watch, but the bottles need rinsing, and baby laundry needs washing. Or, shoot, take a nap. There is plenty to do while the baby is resting.

30. You Must Practice Self-Care

As much as you may not want to take a walk, talk on the phone, or binge-watch your favorite trashy show on Netflix, please do it. If a momma takes care of herself, she is much better prepared to care for her child. That is just baby facts.

Parents, don’t be afraid. The postpartum period is beautiful. Enjoy your baby and hold them close. It all goes so fast. But whatever you do, don’t blink.

Having a baby is one of a few events that change your life forever. The postpartum care period of pregnancy, sometimes called the fourth trimester, extends from the birth of your baby to 12 weeks.⁹ After giving birth, a woman goes through emotional, mental, and physical changes as her body returns to a pre-pregnancy state. Postpartum care should be a priority for all women; it comes with its own do’s and don’ts. Let’s dive into some things to avoid after giving birth.

Postpartum Care and What Not To Do After Giving Birth

When a new baby arrives, family adjustments soon follow. Women, however, carry a different load; no matter how much support you have, your body needs to heal, and that’s where postpartum care comes in. The following list includes things NOT to do after giving birth, considering your physical, mental, and emotional health.

1. Don’t Have an Open-Door Policy

Something about the birth of a new child brings all your friends and family out of the woodwork. However, laying some ground rules and limiting long calls and visits is a good idea during those first few days to weeks postpartum. You need to rest, too, and you may be establishing breastfeeding. It is okay to keep interactions brief during this time because participating in long conversations or staying awake when you could be resting can lead to exhaustion.

2. Don’t Avoid Pain Medications

Some moms worry about taking too much pain medication after giving birth. They may worry about transferring medicine to the baby via breast milk or feeling groggy. While some women may not need pain medication, others who have experienced a tear, episiotomy, C-section, or traumatic birth may find pain medicine to be their best friend for a while.

Staying on top of your pain is an essential part of postpartum care. When women forgo pain medications, the intensity can complicate recovery, making it unbearable to move.^2,3,8,10

Your healthcare provider will typically discuss pain management before hospital discharge. Staying on top of scheduled medication doses during those first few days can positively impact your healing.

3. Don’t Skip the Stool Softeners

For many women, having a first bowel movement after giving birth is scary, and doctors frequently recommend a stool softener to ease passing stool postpartum. Prune juice and walking also help get the bowels moving. Milk of magnesia may help if you have yet to pass a stool by day three or four.^2,3,8

4. Don’t Do Any Heavy Lifting

The rule of thumb in postpartum care is to not lift anything heavier than your newborn for the first several weeks. Heavy lifting increases intra-abdominal pressure. The pressure can cause a C-section incision to open and sometimes pelvic organ prolapse, as well as other complications. Wait until your physician clears you at about four to six weeks postpartum before tackling heavier tasks.^3,8,12

5. Don’t Forget To Drink and Eat

When caring for a newborn, hours slip away, and among the things to avoid after giving birth is forgetting to eat or drink.

For proper postpartum care, make a conscious effort to replenish and nourish yourself with healthy options throughout the day. Eating smaller meals may help increase your intake. Breastfeeding mothers have higher caloric and fluid needs to maintain milk production. Staying hydrated also helps with constipation. Women should aim for eight 8-ounce glasses of water daily, and breastfeeding mothers need about 16 8-ounce glasses daily.^3,8,11,14 Having family and friends participate in a meal train is a welcome idea if you have the support available.

6. Don’t Refuse Help

Accept help from others in your support system. Ask for help with laundry, preparing meals, shopping, caring for other children, and lifting objects. After all, you just had a baby, and getting help with daily tasks will enable you to rest and recover more quickly.

7. Don’t Put Anything in Your Vagina Too Soon

Avoid tampons, menstrual cups, and sex until your physician gives you the okay, typically about four to six weeks postpartum. Inserting anything in your vagina too soon after birth can lead to an infection.^3,4,5,8

8. Don’t Be Too Hard on Yourself

Sometimes, there’s pressure on women to do it all, be a superwoman, and bounce back to a pre-pregnancy body immediately after giving birth. These are unrealistic expectations for most new mothers, and trying to achieve perfection can lead to signs of overdoing it postpartum. Taking on too much too soon can deplete you physically, mentally, and emotionally. It puts you at risk for pain, injury, complications, and postpartum depression.^2,6 Be forgiving and kind to yourself. Listen to your body, and don’t put too much pressure on yourself to achieve perfection. This season of life is a marathon, not a sprint.

9. Don’t Ignore Your Feelings

Women can experience a roller coaster of emotions after giving birth. Fluctuating hormones and coping with the new demands of motherhood play a role. Learning to care for your baby takes time and patience. Even siblings can have very different personalities. What worked for your first baby may not work for your second. Add sleep deprivation, and both parents can have moments of exhaustion, but mothers have the added challenge of a healing body.

Fluctuating emotions are normal, but if you have prolonged sadness lasting more than a few days, contact your healthcare provider for advice. Postpartum depression affects 1 in 7 women and usually appears about one to three weeks after giving birth. It differs from the baby blues, lasts longer, and may need treatment.^2,6,7,8

10. Don’t Skip Follow-Up Appointments

Postpartum checkups are a vital component of postpartum care. Expect to follow up with your OB-GYN within two to three weeks after delivery and again between six and eight weeks postpartum. You should then have a final visit around 12 weeks.^2,7,8,9,15

11. Don’t Forget To Discuss Birth Control

During your postpartum checkups, make sure to discuss birth control. It is a myth that women cannot get pregnant during the postpartum period or while breastfeeding. There are many instances where families have siblings less than a year apart.^2,3,4,7

12. Don’t Go to the Gym Too Soon

Strenuous exercise, including cardio, core, and weight lifting, may be unsafe postpartum. Talk with your doctor before starting or restarting any exercise program. On the other hand, walking is encouraged; it is gentle exercise, and a short stroll in the fresh air can be refreshing and uplifting.^3,8

Postpartum Care: Foods To Avoid After Giving Birth

Nutritious foods provide much-needed nutrients to help your body heal and produce milk. However, some drinks and foods should be consumed in moderation, such as tea or coffee, because they may affect a breastfeeding baby. But, overall, there are minimal restrictions. If you are breastfeeding, consuming alcohol requires some consideration. It is best to speak with your doctor about alcohol intake first.^11,13

What Causes a Setback During Postpartum Care Period?

Knowing what not to do after giving birth can help mothers heal. But sometimes, despite a mother’s best efforts, setbacks that are out of her control can happen. Examples of things that can cause setbacks postpartum include:^1,4,6,7,8

• Pain
• Infection
• Difficulty breastfeeding
• Traumatic, complicated, or emergent birth
• C-section complications
• Having a child in the neonatal ICU

Timeline for Postpartum Care

Postpartum care recommendations change with the passing days and weeks post-delivery. As your body heals and gets stronger, limitations slowly lift.

Can You Take a Bath After Giving Birth?

The answer varies. If you had a vaginal delivery, you could have a bath as long as your doctor says it is okay; however, if you have stitches or a C-section, you may need to wait longer. But talk to your healthcare provider first. Sitz baths are warm, shallow baths that promote perineal healing and provide comfort by easing pain. Sitz baths are typically safe, and you can soak for 15-20 minutes once a day after the first 24 hours after delivery.^3,5,8,16

How Long Should You Rest After Giving Birth?

During the first 48 hours after giving birth, you should do little other than rest and feed your baby. During the days, weeks, and months that follow, listen to your body and rest when needed; after all, you just had a baby. Take things slowly; don’t try to do too much too fast.

When Can You Drive After Giving Birth?

To drive, you need to feel like you can react quickly, wear a seatbelt comfortably, and be alert. For this reason, the length of time to abstain from driving after a vaginal or C-section birth may vary. Speaking with your doctor before getting back behind the wheel is best.

Postpartum Symptoms Not To Ignore

Women are at risk for developing complications postpartum even if they have an uncomplicated pregnancy and birth. The following is a list of postpartum symptoms not to ignore, and some can be life-threatening. Make sure to seek medical attention if you experience any of the following symptoms:^1,2,3,4,6,8

• Severe pain or cramping
• Increased bleeding or passing of large clots
• Sore, red, warm breasts or nipples
• Problems with breastfeeding
• Severe headache
• Blurred vision
• High blood pressure
• Shortness of breath
• Chest pain or leg pain
• Fever
• Incontinence
• Problems with C-section incisions, episiotomies, or tears
• Feeling like you may harm yourself or your baby
• Prolonged feelings of sadness

The postpartum care period is a special time when you finally meet your baby, full of beautiful moments. Take time to rest and recover, seek medical advice when needed, and enlist help from your support system. Your baby needs you to be the healthiest, strongest version of yourself.

Pregnancy and childbirth cause many dramatic changes in your life and body. Some changes may be expected and exciting, while others are less so. If you are pregnant or have given birth and notice changes such as stress incontinence (urine leakage when laughing, coughing, sneezing, jumping, or squatting), pain in your pelvis, or not making it to the bathroom in time, you are not alone. It may be time to consider pelvic floor therapy.

These are not embarrassing or inconvenient parts of pregnancy or life after childbirth. These are symptoms of pelvic floor dysfunction caused by weakened or injured pelvic floor muscles, a common and treatable condition.¹ If you are suffering from these symptoms, postpartum pelvic floor therapy guided by a pelvic floor therapist can significantly improve your quality of life. Take the time to learn more and to take care of yourself.

What is the Pelvic Floor?

Your pelvic floor is a supportive hammock-like structure made of a group of muscles.² These muscles keep the organs in your pelvis, such as your bladder, uterus, ovaries, and rectum, in place. They also facilitate urine and bowel control in coordination with other pelvic structures like the urethra and the anus.³ To locate your pelvic floor muscles, take a moment to imagine you are trying to stop the flow of urine while you pee. The muscles you would squeeze to do this are your pelvic floor muscles.⁴

How Your Pelvic Floor is Affected During Pregnancy

During pregnancy, your pelvic floor supports your baby as your uterus grows and your placenta, and an increased blood supply to nourish your baby.⁵ This increased weight causes stretching and potentially weakening pelvic floor muscles.⁶ This is why some women experience pelvic floor weakness symptoms during pregnancy.² Constipation during pregnancy and straining to pass a bowel movement can also cause the pelvic floor muscles to weaken.⁵

For a vaginal delivery, the pelvic floor muscles must stretch even further, up to three times their original length. This allows your body to accommodate your baby’s descent down the birth canal, particularly during pushing.¹³ In addition to pelvic floor muscles experiencing trauma, nerves can be stretched, causing postpartum pelvic pain, which may happen with or without sex. If forceps or a vacuum are used to help deliver your baby, the risk of pelvic floor injury increases. In addition to urine or bowel incontinence, weakening of the pelvic floor muscles can impact their ability to support other pelvic organs later in life^.7 This can lead to a condition known as pelvic organ prolapse, as the organs that the pelvic floor is designed to support (the uterus, bladder, and rectum) drop down into the vaginal canal.⁸

Some women’s bodies recover more quickly and completely after giving birth, while others may take longer or need additional restorative support. It is essential to pay attention and listen to your body. If you are experiencing symptoms that are negatively impacting your quality of life, it is best to seek resources from your OB provider, such as referral for rehabilitation through pelvic floor therapy (or postpartum physical therapy) specifically aimed at restoring strength in the muscles of your pelvic floor.⁵

How Can a Pelvic Floor Therapist Help?

Pelvic floor therapy is a specialized physical therapy to restore strength in the pelvic floor muscles. The goal is to help resolve symptoms of pelvic floor dysfunction through various exercises and strengthening techniques.⁹ A pelvic floor therapist is a physical therapist who has additional training to identify and treat pelvic floor disorders.¹¹

Pelvic floor physical therapy treatment can also focus on strengthening the abdominal muscles for mothers who have diastasis recti or a separation of the abdominal muscles that can happen during pregnancy and delivery.⁶

Pelvic Floor Therapy: What To Expect

Effective pelvic floor physical therapy begins with your therapist discussing your medical history, what symptoms you are experiencing, and what goals you would like to achieve through therapy.⁹ Your therapist can teach you about the anatomy of the pelvic floor using a model of a pelvis or pictures to explain how the weakening of specific pelvic floor muscles may cause your symptoms.¹²

Your therapist will perform a physical exam, including an assessment of your hips, spine, and pelvic floor muscles, to assess which muscles need strengthening.¹¹ The pelvic floor muscles are during a pelvic exam similar to the one you get during a pap smear, but there is no need for a speculum or stirrups. The therapist inserts a gloved finger into your vagina to determine the specific muscles contributing to your symptoms. You may be asked to squeeze and relax your pelvic floor with instruction from your therapist. Be sure to communicate with your therapist if you are not comfortable at any point.⁹

Next, your therapist will discuss your treatment plan to meet your individual needs and how to prevent worsening dysfunction as you age.^2,6 Techniques include exercises, biofeedback therapy, and stretches you can do to strengthen your pelvic floor muscles.² You may also receive recommendations on lifestyle changes to help improve pelvic floor function and prevent things that may worsen your condition, like constipation.⁹

Does Insurance Cover Pelvic Floor Therapy?

Many insurance companies that cover physical therapy will cover pelvic floor therapy. It is best to verify with your insurance provider beforehand to find out if it will cover your treatment and if you’ll need a referral from your doctor.¹⁰

Do I Need to See a Therapist? Can’t I Do Kegel Exercises?

It is a common misconception that doing Kegel exercises alone at home can help all pelvic floor issues.¹¹ Also, many people do them incorrectly initially; for example, they may hold their breath or tighten their thigh or buttocks muscles.⁷ This could do nothing to help your symptoms or may make them worse. A pelvic floor therapist can determine if Kegels are right for you and, if so, teach you the proper techniques so they are effective. They can also answer any questions you may have.¹¹

Kegel exercises are one of the many forms of pelvic floor muscle strengthening. You can do them by squeezing and holding your pelvic floor muscles for three seconds and then relaxing in sets of 10 three times a day. Each week, as your muscles strengthen, you can increase the hold by one second and eventually achieve the goal of a 10-second hold.⁷

Can You Do These Exercises During Pregnancy?

Kegel exercises are safe during pregnancy; however, if you have symptoms such as pain or urine leakage before delivery, talk with your OB provider.⁴ You may get relief with formal pelvic floor physical therapy. Your pelvic floor therapist can teach you exercises for your specific needs and continue or modify treatment as needed after delivery.¹²

When To Start Pelvic Floor Therapy After Birth

As your body recovers from giving birth, your muscles undergo further physical changes. This is why some symptoms of pelvic floor weakness resolve on their own with time. However, if you have symptoms at your six-week postpartum follow-up appointment, talk to your provider about what you are experiencing. Your provider can give you a referral to a pelvic floor therapist. If you haven’t made it to six weeks and your symptoms are negatively impacting your quality of life, you may want to seek treatment sooner.¹⁴

Your body can do amazing things: growing your baby, giving birth, and, in the case of pelvic floor weakness, healing itself with the proper therapeutic guidance. Although symptoms of pelvic floor dysfunction occur frequently in motherhood, they have a treatable cause, which means you do not have to suffer. If you are experiencing urine or bowel incontinence or pelvic pain, be your own advocate and find a pelvic floor therapist. Take care of your body and seek help. You’ll be glad you did, now and for years to come.

Every woman knows motherhood will change her life in lots of ways. Her body is about to endure something unimaginable and miraculous; how could life not change after you have a baby? But many more changes are coming your way than loose belly skin and lack of sleep (although, yes, brace for those, too). Your entire outlook on life will feel a seismic shift. Your top priority will no longer be new living room furniture or a trip to Hawaii. Instead, it will include things like a high-end stroller/car seat combo and organic cotton burp cloths.

You will also find a new sense of self once you become a mom. You’re a total rockstar, and you know that now more than ever. (Even if your “rockstar” look includes dark circles under your eyes and crusty spit-up in your hair.) Motherhood will change you in more ways than you can ever imagine, and even though you barely recognize your life now, you realize you wouldn’t have it any other way.

Here are 20 changes to embrace now that you’re a mom — most of them for the better, but all are 100% worth it.

1. You Look at Yourself and Your Body Differently Now

Sure, maybe you thought you were strong before. You ran a couple of 10K races, pulled an all-nighter or two, and believed in your ability to do hard things. But then you became a mom, and a whole human grew inside of you and emerged from your body. You went from “I’m pretty tough” to “Holy cow, I am a vessel of superpowers, and there is nothing this body can’t do. I am a superhero.”

2. You Have a New Concept of ‘Freedom’ or ‘a Break’

Before becoming a mom, you longed for Saturday and a break from work when you could sleep in or go for a hike or day drink with your best friend by the pool. Now, you long for an uninterrupted shower. Freedom looks like a solo trip to Target, and “getting a break” means it’s your turn to sleep through the night.

3. You’re No Longer Willing to Sacrifice Sleep

Gone are the days of partying until the wee morning hours (or partying at all). You desperately crave a grownup night out, but your girlfriends invite you to a concert that starts at 9 AT NIGHT. And it’s 30 minutes away. You know it will be a blast, but right now, knowing there’s a chance you might be able to get some sleep during those late-night hours before the baby wakes you up at 3 a.m., you’ll have to pass. Try again in a few years?

4. The Words ‘Safety’ and ‘Danger’ Have New Meaning

Suddenly, the world seems far less safe than before as you see new dangers everywhere. Before becoming a mom, you weren’t bothered by friends smoking nearby, and you were probably unfazed when someone sped past you down the road. The slightest hint of tobacco makes you grab your baby and run. And unsafe drivers make you rage as you glance at your innocent babe snuggled up in her car seat. You’re desperate to keep her safe from every danger and feel helpless knowing you can’t.

5. If You Weren’t a Germaphobe Before, You Are Now

You have hand sanitizers on every table, counter, and shelf in your house, ready to douse anyone who wants to touch your baby. And if anyone even thinks about coming over with a cough, sorry, Uncle Steve, but you’ll have to do a meet-and-greet from the window. You see invisible germs everywhere, on everyone, and every tiny sneeze from your baby’s adorable little mouth sends you into a spiral of Google searches.

6. Your Financial Priorities Shift

Suddenly, you don’t need those new Lululemon leggings with the urgency you had before. However, your baby MUST have that hand-made romper with pumpkins for Halloween, and you don’t care what it costs.

7. Your Bladder Will Never Be the Same

The good news is you can pee on demand for the rest of your life. This comes in handy when you’re on a road trip and never know when you’ll pass another rest stop, so you must take all the opportunities you can get. However, the bad news is you will always and forever feel like you must pee from now on. And that comes in handy . . . well, never.

8. Your Boobs Will Also Never Be the Same

Especially if you breastfeed, by the end of an entire pregnancy followed by months, maybe years of nursing. Let’s say your boobs will have been through some battles. They’re tired, and they look tired. But they did their job, and you’re grateful for them. Just invest in some good quality bras that lift those puppies back up — they’ll need all the support they can get.

9. Your Relationship Will Undoubtedly Feel a Shift

This is a hard transition and unlike anything you two have been through before. You might resent your partner with their pointless nipples at 3 a.m. as they snore away next to you while your baby chomps down on your boob for the 87th time that day. You might start the “tired Olympics” and compete over who is more exhausted — the person who has to get up at 6 a.m. and go to work all day or the one who is home with a crying baby who poops all day. And sex? What is that?

But remember that becoming parents is hard on every relationship as so much is new, so much is scary, and so much is exhausting beyond comprehension. You are a team, even if it doesn’t always feel like you are. Try to step in for one another, give each other breaks, hold hands, and look at each other with pride — you created something amazing, and you’re doing a good job.

10. Your Friendships Are Different, and You Bond With Other Moms Now

That doesn’t mean your kid-less friends aren’t still important to you; of course they are. But the truth is, they don’t get it. They don’t get why grabbing drinks after work is a no-go now because you want to get home to squeeze your baby or why you’re too tired for game night now when before, you’d never miss it. They don’t get why getting all dressed up for a girls’ night out is too much work when none of your clothes fit, and your boobs leak through your shirt all day. You love and miss them, but you suddenly have a far easier friendship with a mom friend who is always elbow-deep in dirty diapers, hasn’t showered in four days, and has spit-up stains on her couch.

11. The Future Seems Scary Now But Also Thrilling

You dream of what this tiny baby will look like as a kindergartener, a teenager, and a grownup with their own life and career. Will they be a teacher? A doctor? A veterinarian? An actor on the big screen? Will they get married? Have children of their own? Will they be tall? Short? Look like you? Look like Dad? But the future is also riddled with anxiety as you now have to write a will specifying who will care for this precious little person if you and your partner turn to dust tomorrow. You’re forced to have hard conversations and imagine heartbreaking scenarios you don’t want to have to think about, but that’s the harsh reality of parenting.

12. You Have a Newfound Understanding of Joy and Making Memories

Before parenthood, you dreamt of trips to Paris. Now, just staring into your baby’s eyes, catching their first smile, and hearing their little coos — that’s all you need to feel true happiness and fulfillment. You used to spend your weekends adventuring to new places and splurging at new restaurants, but now your weekends include walks to the park and snuggling your little one on the couch. And they’re the best weekends you’ve ever had.

13. You Realize How Much You Can Endure and What You Will Do for Your Child

After that grueling labor and delivery, you now know how strong you are and that you can and will do anything for your child. You have immeasurable strength, and you’d run through fire in a heartbeat to protect them from harm. You understand what “Mama Bear” means, and you feel your own Mama Bear instinct coursing through your veins, ready to fight anyone who hurts your kid.

14. You Realize Why Your Mom Took Forever To Get Out of the House

After running back inside to grab more diapers for the diaper bag, and then more wipes, and then a change of clothes for the baby, and also a jacket in case it gets chilly out, but also a bathing suit in case it’s hot and there’s a splash pad where you’re going, plus the sunscreen, some snacks, sippy cups, bottles. Now, where on earth are your keys? You haven’t had a sip of coffee yet, so you better grab one to go. Have you brushed your teeth? Better to re-do. And since you ran back in, you might as well pee one more time. So, yeah, you get it now. And you call your mom to apologize for all the times you whined about her taking too long.

15. Your Priorities Change

Your career still matters, and you still want a clean house. You want to grab happy hour drinks with the girls. But there’s a new item at the top of that list now, and nothing will ever be more important than this new human in your arms. Suddenly, your IG scrolls include “best baby swing” instead of “cute boots for fall.” Your life goals might not include climbing the ladder at work anymore, but rather, you are more focused on making sure your baby meets their milestones and is growing up healthy and strong.

16. You Feel a Love You Never Knew Existed

Your fellow mommy friends tried to explain it to you. So did your mom, grandma, aunts, and every other mother you know. But no one can truly convey what it feels like to hold a tiny person in your arms that you created. Suddenly, your heart feels like it has grown three times its normal size, and you know you’d run off a bridge without hesitation to save this new little life.

17. You Understand Why Moms Laugh at the Notion of Work/Life Balance

Before becoming a mother, you scoffed when your coworkers (who were parents) refused to take extra shifts or stay late. You wondered why they always looked so tired and never wanted to meet after work for a fun social event. But now you 100% understand and find yourself booking it home or to daycare pickup as fast as possible so you can scoop up your child and soak in their sweet baby scent. You know, now, that there is no real “work/life balance” but rather, there’s “go to work because you need an income and spend as much time as possible with your kids when you’re not working,” and people call it “work/life balance.”

18. Your House Will Never Again Be as Clean as You Want it To Be

And if it is, that probably means you feel guilty because you ignored your child all day. Remember work/life balance? Well, there’s no balance anywhere else in life, either. Every second you do something other than spend quality time with your baby, you feel like a bad mom, but you know you have to wash the dishes, do the laundry, and pay the bills. So, how do you do it all and not feel guilty? Let us know if you figure that out.

19. Your Idea of Self-Care Changes

Should you sleep, drink more water, walk alone, take a hot bath, get a pedicure, or take a day off to do some solo shopping to ensure you can be the best mom you can be? Yes! You should. Will you do those things, though? Unless you can manifest a time-making machine that adds extra hours into the day and you can grow a money tree in your backyard, probably not.

20. You Wonder How You Lived a Day Without This Miracle in Your Life

But you’re forever grateful that you won’t have to live another one without them. No one can anticipate what their life will look like after bringing a child into this world. Will their baby be fussy or calm? Have unique medical needs? Will both parents work? Will one parent stay home? What does Mom’s maternity leave look like? How is Mom doing, emotionally and physically? You can plan it all out, but life often throws you curveballs, and sometimes those curveballs are called “NICU,” or “C-section,” or “colic,” or “low milk supply,” and you have to readjust your plan.

No matter what, one constant remains for all of us — you will love that child unconditionally and realize that you would do anything to keep them safe and happy when you meet them. Because you’re a mom now, you know that you’re on Day 1 of the most important job you’ll ever have.