As a full-time mom of two toddlers, I often wonder if my mothering is enough for my babies. For their hearts, their minds, and their growth. All that and then some. My around-the-clock calling right now is caring for and nurturing my children. And sometimes, that role leaves me filled with self-doubt. Mom guilt for what I haven’t done perfectly. The constant pressure that feels like the world’s weight is on my shoulders. And, frankly, a yearning for an occasional affirmation that I am doing this whole “raising humans” thing right.

Which brings me to a chance encounter I’ll cherish forever. It was an ordinary midweek autumn morning like any other, just me and my babies. We headed to the children’s play museum for a few hours, as we often do to break up the days that can easily blend together without such plans. I knew we’d have our typical fun (and a long car nap afterward), but I didn’t expect to leave with much-needed encouragement and newfound confidence in my mothering abilities.

To the kind-hearted museum staff member who took the time to see me, talk with me, and affirm me that day, this one’s for you. And others like you who’ve done the same for mamas like me.

A Letter of Thanks to You Who Complimented My Mothering

Hi there,

You might not remember me or my spunky, hard-to-forget 1-year-old and 2-year-old. And, of course, they won’t remember you. But I do, and I will. Probably for a very long time. Maybe even forever.

You see, the day we crossed paths was a day I’ll always treasure. It was a typical kid-run morning on my end. And I’m guessing it was a typical day of work for you. My hair was half-done, my twice-worn daily mom uniform (a sweatshirt and leggings, of course) probably had fresh applesauce and teething drool, and my toddlers were most definitely, well . . . toddlers. Both they and I were running on who knows how little broken sleep. You see, my oldest has been in the nap strike phase for a bit now, while my youngest is going through a major bout of separation anxiety at bedtime. In other words, none of us have been well-rested for a while.

For me, it’s not just physically well-rested that I’m referring to — but mentally and emotionally. Like any other overstimulated, touched-out, running-on-empty mama of multiple tiny humans.

We’re in the age of trying-to-share but not-quite-there, “hands aren’t for hitting and feet aren’t for kicking,” and learning to give each other grace upon grace upon grace. Because life with two tiny humans — while beautiful, wonderful, and ever-entertaining — is hard. We’re in the thick of it, and that day at the play museum was no different than any other.

You Saw the Chaos

I’m sure you saw (and heard) our chaos clear as day. But you also saw me. A mother. A mama. A mom. A woman simply doing my best with my babies. Trying to keep my 1-year-old and 2-year-old in one place. Or at least both within eyesight. Trying to keep my curious explorers from escaping into the next room. To keep little hands to themselves and mess after mess picked up, keeping the peace and everyone happy and entertained, and being there for both babies at once. To keep it all together.

In a world that so often doesn’t see mothers for the endless, weighted load we carry, you did. You saw me. You saw my work. In a world that often glares at mothers just trying to get through each day, you looked on in appreciation. You noticed me.

“You’re a wonderful mother,” you offered, after taking it upon yourself to help me wrangle in my too-quick-for-my-own-good mini-mes. And that was an extraordinary gift. It was one of the best I’ve ever received.

You proceeded to ask if I was, at one point, a teacher (I was). You praised the way I spoke to and with my children. The language. The dialogue. You commended my ability to engage with my babies and their play. To positively reinforce. To guide and nurture. You praised them, too. You applauded their cheerful energy. Their vocabulary and vocalness. Their friendliness and warmth.

You Reminded Me I’m Making a Difference

In doing that, you reminded me that my work as a mom is making a difference. Even more, I’m getting the job done fully. That I’m not just getting by. That my children aren’t just getting by. That I’m succeeding. And they’re thriving.

Perhaps most significantly, you made me feel seen. Heard. Valued. Worthy.

You reminded me that all the little moments I pour into being a mom add up to something noticeable. Something special, important, irreplaceable.

And as odd as it sounds, I was taken aback by your heartfelt gesture of complimenting my mothering on that ordinary, child-centered day. I probably didn’t verbally express my gratitude for your kindness toward me as much as I should have, but I hope you felt it.

You see, the type of affirmation you offered was a rare blessing. And on that random midweek morning, I needed it more than you might have realized. Or maybe you did realize how much I needed it. I don’t know. It doesn’t matter, though. What matters is the kindness you didn’t have to show — to me, a random mother you don’t even know.

So, dear stranger, thank you. From the bottom of my heart. For seeing me in all my motherhood — mess and magic — and for choosing to speak life into me.

Moms everywhere need more encouragement from people like you.

Sincerely,

Me — That Slightly Frazzled, Full-Hearted Mom of Two You Got to Know at the Play Museum on That Ordinary Midweek Day

My firstborn is going to be three soon. Not three weeks or three months: 3 whole years old. It’s creeping up on me, and I’m not quite sure I’m ready. That age-old saying about time being a thief? It’s never felt more real than during this loud and clear transition from 2 to 3 years old. Call me emotional, but I’d even go as far as to say that this one is the epitome of bittersweet.

Although I’m only a few years into my motherhood journey, I can easily see how time flies when you’re a parent of a child — or children — of any age. Watching your tiny human grow from 2 to 3, though? It almost feels like we’re catapulting straight from the tiniest years into full-on kidhood. Maybe you can relate if you’re a fellow mama of a 2-turning-3.

The Start of 2 Feels Like Just Yesterday

It seems like I was just planning for my daughter’s second birthday. While we didn’t do a family and friends party like we did for her first, we did go all out in our special way. We decked out our playroom with climbing toys she was starting to show interest in, filled the house with helium balloons, and had multiple rounds of cake and ice cream. We planned a weekend getaway full of firsts for our girl — like feeding lorikeets up close and personal at a bird sanctuary. We brought her favorite stuffy and beloved paci along for the adventure.

Since then, those climbing toys have become second nature. We’ve moved from beaming at the sight of floating balloons to requesting specifically-named, masterfully-tied balloon animals. We’ve moved from messy cake frosting and ice cream licks to helping crack and pour eggs into homemade brownie batter. We’ve moved on from feeding sanctuary birds up close and personal for the first time to the second and third times — and riding ponies without fear or hesitation. We’ve moved on from favorite stuffies in hand to favorite puppy and unicorn purses filled to the brim. And the beloved paci? We’ve moved on. That’s it. I never thought I’d say it, but sometimes I actually miss it. Or, at the very least, the representation of that fleeting and precious babyhood that, in hindsight, came with it.

This Stage Hasn’t Been Terrible — It’s Been Magical

People talk about the twos as if they’re “terrible.” As if 2 is a year to armor up for and power through. But in my honest opinion, there’s so much more to 2. There’s an explosion of every little spark of magic that I’d never want to fight off. An explosion of vocabulary. An explosion of personality. An explosion of autonomy. A burst of love, laughter, awe-filled moments, and, for me, the essence of happily ever after. Not a day passes that I don’t look at my soon-to-be-3-year-old in complete awe and tell her she’s my dream come true. Because she is. This is 2. And it’s incredible.

At the start of 2 years old, my baby girl was my baby. Of course, she still is — and always will be, in a sense — but it’s not quite the same. As we move closer and closer to 3, my heart can feel things changing. My arms can feel things changing because they are. Not in a bad way, but in a genuinely hard-to-believe way. At the start of 2, much of each day (and night) was defined by full arms: mine. Rocking to sleep. Carrying. Holding. Now, there’s still a lot of carrying and holding. But my soon-to-be-3’s arms are the full ones. Full with baby dolls to take care of, picture books to read independently, and picked-out-all-by-herself outfits, accessories, and sparkly red shoes to dress up in. Again, all by herself. Because such is the essence of transitioning from 2 to 3.

Transitioning From 2 to 3 is Happening Too Fast

Every moment of witnessing my daughter come into her own ever-evolving identity is a wonderful gift. But sometimes (okay, most of the time), it feels like it’s happening way too fast. At the start of 2, we were honing sentences and singing simple songs on repeat. Now, we’re in the age of questioning everything (literally, everything) and self-initiated, fully independent storytelling. At the start of 2, we were still on the younger end of our mommy-and-me baby gymnastics group. Since then, we’ve moved on to twirls, plies, first recitals, and all things tutus and ballet.

At the start of 2, we were testing the limits with Crayola-sponsored artwork on every inch of every room. Now, we’re painting perfectly arched rainbows and drawing red and green apples (with stems, nonetheless). We’re suddenly beginning to color inside the lines — yet stepping further and further outside of the box all the while. Stirring, sweet, and painstakingly difficult to grasp as it may be, 2 to 3 is a magnificent yet way-too-soon masterpiece.

Life has never felt as fleeting and short as it has since becoming a mom. This is especially true as I cling to what remains of my firstborn’s toddlerhood and prepare for her to continue blossoming into the unique, extraordinary human being she is. With each passing day, it seems to go faster and faster. The transition from 2 to 3 is one I wish we could hold onto just a bit longer . . . or keep around, somehow, forever.

When our kids start school and begin to make friends, we sometimes find ourselves developing relationships with their friends’ parents. But here’s the thing: We might not want to be around these people. If our kids are friends, do we have to be friends with their parents too? Nope. And we don’t have to feel guilty about it.

It can be great if our kids’ friends have parents we enjoy being around and become fast friends with, but that isn’t always the case. We might find ourselves trying to force some odd friendship out of an obligation to our kids. Chances are, if we’re feeling weird about it, the other parents probably are, too. So, it’s best to keep things casual and not try to become BFFs with people just because our kids like each other.

How can we send our kids to a stranger’s house who we know nothing about? Well, we don’t do that. Getting to know people and building trust differs from calling them up and planning a weekend getaway together. But if we know enough about the family and know our children will be safe with them, it is okay to let them build a friendship, even the best friendship, with someone whose parent is not our best friend.

My Best Friend’s Mom Wasn’t Friends With Mine

I can remember when I was a kid, my very best friend in the whole world — still my best friend to this day — was at my house all the time, and I spent a lot of time at hers. But our parents were not great friends. Yes, they were acquaintances and knew each other well enough to allow us to spend days at the other’s house, but it didn’t go beyond that.

Our moms knew we were being cared for by the other moms, and that was all that mattered to them. I felt loved by my best friend’s mother. I told her all kinds of secrets, and she helped me with my homework and made my favorite dinner when I was at her home. She was an important part of my growing up, separate from my mother. My best friend had a very similar life with my mother, and to this day, they can spend hours talking even if they haven’t seen each other in years. Our relationships with each other and our mothers are beautiful and unique, even though they don’t intersect with the older adults.

Not Interested Anymore In Making New Friends

As my children age, I have become increasingly uninterested in building friendships with new people. In my 40s, I have plenty of close friends, and acquaintances are all I need. This has been most difficult with my youngest child. She is in a class with many first-time moms who want to be social with happy hour and girls’ weekends. That is all fine, but I am not in that stage anymore. I have kids in high school. There isn’t enough time for all of that. But they are the moms of my daughter’s friends, so I am cordial and kind, but that is about as far as it goes.

It’s not that I don’t like these people; it’s just that I don’t share their ideas of a good time. I am not judging or casting aspersions on their behavior. It’s just that it isn’t in my best interests to go out with the girls and be away from my family, so I don’t.

Social Media Can Tell Us Who Someone Is

Today, thanks to social media, getting to know people without actually talking to them is a lot easier. It may sound creepy, but if you friend or follow people on social media, you can learn much about what you need to know before you decide whether to encourage your child to become close friends with another kid. No, you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover, but photos and videos people post online can give a lot of insight into their lives and might give you a reason to talk to them, ask some questions, and learn more about them.

Try not to take it personally if your kids’ friend’s parents don’t want to be your friend, either. It may not feel great, but their parents may have these same kinds of feelings. Their cup may be too full already, and adding more friends isn’t in the cards right now. That’s okay, too.

More than anything, even if you aren’t best friends with your kids’ friends’ parents, ensure you are still encouraging them to foster those meaningful relationships. You might not want any new best friends, but teaching your child that it is important to treat their friends’ parents with respect and to have good manners is very important.

No matter what, always know where your kids are, who they are with, and that they are safe. Even if the parents aren’t your good friends, as long as they are responsible, caring adults and your kids are friends, it’s okay for them to become friends.

I am a mom of four, and I love my kids more than I ever knew possible. I love them so much that sometimes I feel a bit of a hole in my heart because I regret not having more kids. That probably sounds totally ridiculous to a lot of people, and maybe it is, but there are days that I look around the room and feel like someone is missing.

When I was a little girl, I spent hours playing with my dolls. I still have Sherry Amelda, my first Cabbage Patch Kid; I took her with me everywhere I went. I changed her clothes, fed her, and put her to sleep. And I twisted her red yarn hair into braids and softly cleaned spots from her face and body. Sherry Amelda was my first foray into motherhood. I knew even as a young girl that I wanted a house filled with children.

Serious Regrets About Not Having Another Kid. Or Two.

I had my first baby in my late 20s, and my husband was in his mid-30s. We had three boys in five years, and life was great. Then, two days before I turned 37, a little girl entered our life. My oldest son was 8, and I felt blessed to have a baby in our home. Now, she is ready to turn 8, and her biggest brother is learning to drive. I look at my life and wonder how it went by so quickly. It makes me regret not having more kids, at least another baby or two.

Yes, life is chaotic as a big family with four kids, and we are all crammed into a house with lots of stuff and a big dog, but we are happy that way. I grew up with three brothers, and our home was always loud and filled with people. It brought me comfort. I feel the same way in my own home. Something is always happening, and people are talking, sometimes yelling, but those noises bring me joy. I think about what life will be like when it is just my husband and me, and it seems so lonely.

If we had another child or two, that joyful noise would last much longer. No, I don’t want to have enough kids that we could star in a reality show, but I regret not having another kid. Even two more would’ve been okay. My husband has said that if we had married a few years sooner, he thought six kids was a great number and would’ve loved to have had more. Thinking about that makes my heart ache a bit. I think about those what-ifs and how different our lives would be. But I can’t help but think that it would have been fantastic.

Unfortunately, We Won’t Have More Kids

I am getting ready to turn 45, and my husband will be 51. We could certainly have another baby, but we won’t. I genuinely get jealous when I see pregnant women. I loved feeling my babies growing inside of me. Even with the endless diapers, cries, and sleepless nights, it was worth all the emotions. And it’s hard for me to think about the fact that I have about ten years until my baby will be an adult.

Lots of Kids Is Exhausting, But Fulfilling

Having a house full of kids means big messes, endless laundry, dishes, and hours in the car going from one place to another. It is exhausting. But for me, it is also fulfilling. I love to look at pictures of my kids smiling and enjoying the most mundane things in life. The more children you have, the less expendable income there is. We don’t go on fancy vacations or cruises. But we go on a glorified camping trip with our families every July. My kids will tell you it’s their favorite week of the year filled with a whole lot of nothing. Those days will probably be some of their most vivid childhood memories. I hope so.

I must remember that as my children grow older, so do I. In my 40s, I have pains in body parts I didn’t know I had. My hair is sparkling with grays, and my face has some laugh lines. At my age, I probably wouldn’t be great with a baby, but I could still keep up with a kindergartner if I had one. I know you aren’t supposed to have regrets, but if I had to name one, I regret not having more kids.

I believe everything happens for a reason. So the three boys and one girl setup I have, a mirror of my family growing up, is probably what I was meant to have. But it doesn’t mean I don’t wonder, wish, and yearn for another child to love. If I am lucky, someday I hope to have a home filled with grandchildren, and I can watch my kids learn about the joys of parenthood. Until then, I’ll take every hug and kiss I get. My babies fill my soul, and I am grateful.

Life with a toddler means there’s never a dull moment. And if you’ve got two toddlers, buckle up because the ride can be wild. But I’m not complaining about it. I love having a one-year-old and a two-year-old. There are some great reasons to be parenting two little humans in their prime toddlerhood.

What Makes Parenting Multiple Toddlers So Special

I could go on and on about why I love being a parent to multiple toddlers close in age (18 ½ months apart, to be exact). While having babies back to back can get a bad rap at times, I’m here to shine a light on some of the brightest spots on my journey of parenting two toddlers simultaneously. Sure, some days are tough, but I’d argue that every bit of chaos is worth it for the love, joy, and pure fun my two little ones bring to each other and our home every day. Here are some of my favorite things about being a mama to multiple toddlers.

They’re Learning So Much From One Another in Toddlerhood

It’s often said that parents are our children’s first teachers. As a former teacher turned stay-at-home mom, I take great pride in this. But I sometimes question whether I’m doing enough to provide my kiddos with everything they need to learn and thrive.

Seeing my two toddlers interact with each other is an incredible gift — they learn so much from one another. My one-year-old mimics my two-year-old’s speech, actions, and every move. My two-year-old gets to practice sharing, caring, and all the soft skills we hope our children acquire. They’re constantly learning and growing together through their toddlerhood. It’s an amazing perk to parent two toddlers at once.

Every Day is a Built-in Playdate When Parenting Toddlers

I firmly believe that play is the most essential work of childhood — including in toddlerhood. Watching my first toddler play with my second is a dream come true. Sure, we all have to work through tough, tear-filled moments together. Yes, our playroom is always a bit messier than it was with only one toddler. We might be running out of space for the endless toys, books, and stuffed animals that inevitably accumulate with a one-year-old and a two-year-old. All that aside, my son and daughter always have each other to play with. And that trumps everything.

As much as I love scheduling playdates with our friends, I find peace of mind in knowing my kiddos have the constant benefit of each other’s company. They keep each other entertained more and more by the day, and I’m eager to see their play relationship evolve as they become slightly older toddlers.

Toddlers and Toddler Play Can Teach Us So Many Valuable Lessons

Just as the heart grows with each new child, the wisdom also multiplies. My one-year-old and two-year-old are constantly teaching me important life lessons during their toddlerhood. For example, to give myself grace. I have two tiny humans who are very close in age and are both entirely dependent (mostly) on me. The truth is, I feel like I’m falling short in one way or another almost every day. Albeit unknowingly, my toddlers constantly remind me to go easy on myself. I’m only human, but somehow — in their eyes — that’s enough. They also teach me to be flexible, prioritize, and adapt more than any position I’ve ever held before becoming a mom.

Toddlerhood is a Magical Time to Share With Someone Else

Even more, getting a front-row seat to my two toddlers’ bond is just as magical. I don’t think I’ll ever get over how adorable my one-year-old and two-year-old are with each other. Seeing my firstborn share in her sweet, quirky toddler ways with my son makes my heart so happy.

My daughter looks for her early-rising baby brother first thing in the morning, and his entire being lights up when he sees his big sister close in for a bear hug. When one laughs, the other echoes with just as much innocence and joy. When one climbs up on my lap for snuggles and a story, the other follows. I always say my kiddos have their own secret language, and I sometimes feel like an outsider peeking in, but I don’t mind it. I’m so glad my babies can build their bond from their earliest years. They truly delight in each other’s existence, making my heart burst with gratitude.

Who knows what the future will bring for my children regarding their sibling dynamic. For now, I’m soaking up every precious moment of being a mama to two little humans living side-by-side in the thick of toddlerhood. Having multiple babies back to back can get a bad rap for many reasons, but I’m here to tell you that parenting two toddlers close in age is not limited to all it’s made out to be. In fact, it’s so much more. Life with a one-year-old and a two-year-old is a gift.

And I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

My former preemie just turned a year old, and I still can’t entirely make sense of my son’s unexpected start. I’m sure this is common among moms of preemies. I never anticipated my second child would arrive nearly two months early. Especially after my first was born more than a week past my due date. Having a baby at 33 weeks threw me for a loop. I wish I could go back in time and give my freshly postpartum self some reassurance. While I can’t, I can share the advice I wish I could’ve given myself last year instead.

What I Wish I Could’ve Told Myself One Year Ago When My Preemie Was Born

Whether you’re walking or have already walked a similar path, I hope you find comfort in these words. This is the advice I wish I could’ve given myself a year ago.

1. Don’t Feel Guilty for Taking Time for Yourself or Not Being at the Hospital 24/7

My preemie was in the NICU for three weeks after he was born. He was home for a total of a day short of a month upon release. Then he was back in the PICU for two weeks when he came down with a case of RSV. All the while, I was recovering from a life-threatening emergency C-section. And I was trying my best to keep up with my then 1 ½-year-old at home. As much as I desperately wished I could be with my newborn and toddler around the clock, I couldn’t be everywhere all the time.

I wish I could’ve told myself that it was okay for me to take care of myself. Even more, I didn’t have to feel guilty about taking a shower or an occasional 15-minute cat nap. I wish I could’ve told myself that it was okay to take a break from the free-for-breastfeeding-moms hospital cafeteria food. That it was okay to sit at my kitchen table and eat a hot meal between hospital runs. I wish I could’ve told myself that we’d all be better off with more self-care in my daily routine. I wish I could’ve told myself nobody kept a score of how many hours I logged at the NICU check-in station daily.

2. Breathe: Your Preemie Will Grow and Overcome These Obstacles

Though he was born at an excellent gestation weight, my preemie was still a preemie. He was small. I remember being nervous to even change his diaper in the NICU out of concern for whether I was adequately handling such a tiny being. During his feeding tube days, I waited patiently for the thumbs up from my baby’s nurses to try latching him or even to bottle feed. Then, when that time finally came, I often left disheartened that he wasn’t taking the full feeds he needed to be discharged. As proud as I was of every single milliliter he managed to consume, I wanted my newborn home. Who wouldn’t?

I wish I could’ve told myself to trust the process. That we’d move from measuring feeds by single milliliters of milk to full-fledged 4-, 5-, and 6-ounce bottles soon enough. I wish I could’ve told myself my baby would grow past 5 pounds in time. So much so that people would gasp in surprise one day at his former preemiehood. I wish I could’ve told myself to be more patient during the feeding tube days and tiny-bottle feeds and worry a little less. As it turned out, my preemie was a natural with breastfeeding (and full-size bottle feeding). I wish I could’ve told myself to breathe because every slow bit of growth in the NICU would one day add up to a healthy, happy baby.

3. This Blip Will Not Negatively Impact Your Relationship With Your Preemie Baby

When my preemie was born via emergency C-section following labor gone wrong, I was out cold under general anesthesia. I didn’t get to hear his first cries or be the first one to hold him. I didn’t even get to hold him until more than 24 hours after his arrival. I was recovering from a severe postpartum hemorrhage, receiving blood transfusions, and fighting to survive. I didn’t get that gold standard “golden hour” society speaks so highly of.

I didn’t get real skin-to-skin with my preemie until several weeks in. Once I recovered and left my hospital room, I couldn’t stay by my son’s bedside 24/7, as I also had his big sister at home. I’m ashamed to admit it, but I was, in hindsight, probably a bit scared to get too attached to my beautiful baby boy.

I wish I could’ve told myself that my relationship with my preemie wouldn’t be negatively impacted by his weeks-turned-months spent in and out of the hospital. Despite it all, he’d know me as “mama” and find comfort in my arms. I wish I could’ve told myself that our bond would take time — but it would grow into something so perfect and precious. I wish I could’ve told myself not to compare our story to any of those “gold standard” birth stories on social media. That ours may not have been ideal, but it was uniquely ours — and equally remarkable.

4. None of This is Your Fault, So Go Easy on Yourself

It’s been over a year since my former preemie was born — and I still don’t know why my body went into labor when it did. At this point, I may never have answers. I struggled not to beat myself up over how everything played out. I struggled with immense guilt for abruptly leaving my attached-like-glue firstborn in the middle of that ordinary Saturday night. I also felt guilty when leaving her baby brother’s NICU room to head home. Honestly, I still struggle with the heaviness of all of it. Mom guilt is real enough as it is, and NICU mom guilt has a way of taking things to a whole new, gut-wrenching level.

5. You Will Trust Your Body Again

I wish I could’ve given myself grace and been gentler on myself for my body going into labor that early. I wish I could’ve told myself there would come a day when I could face my C-section scar in the mirror with pride or acceptance rather than shame. I wish I could’ve told myself it was okay not to be in two places (or with both babies) at once. That there would come a day when the heartache of being apart from each at every given point would lift.

I wish I could’ve told myself how perfect it would feel to have both babies in my arms. That I’d run and play, laugh, and dance with my kiddos. I wish I could’ve told myself there might even come a point when I’d daydream about maybe (just maybe) adding a third to our family. I wish I could’ve told myself it would all be okay because it has.

I won’t sugarcoat it and say everything works out for preemies; sadly, that isn’t always the case. I count my blessings daily for my family’s once-challenging journey turning into a victory story. There’s no doubt about it that the psychological effects of premature birth are alive and real.¹ No matter the long-term outcome, having a baby before term is a roller coaster of an experience with a lasting (and sometimes core-shaking) impact on mamas. Now that my former preemie has celebrated his first birthday and is thriving, I only wish to give my former self the advice I desperately needed a year ago. So, preemie mama, I’m passing the torch — and the wisdom. This one’s for you!

While being a parent is one of the greatest joys in life, it can also be overwhelming and exhausting. There is so much to keep up with that parents can often identify as chaos coordinators. From scheduling doctor appointments, play dates, extracurricular practices, preparing meals, cleaning the house, managing all of the big emotions from our little ones, and much more, it can feel like our lists never end. At times, the chaos can be all-consuming. However, it all begins with us if we want to create calm for ourselves and our families in the house. Our guest today, Jenna Hermans, knows all about turning chaos into calm and is sharing her secrets with us!

Who is Jenna Hermans?

Jenna is living proof that you can create a life of calm within chaos and overwhelm. She uses her bachelor’s degree in psychology, master’s degree in organizational management, and over fifteen years of Human Resources experience to build strong teams, both at work and at home. Jenna co-founded Be Courageous, and she’s a busy mom of 4, a coach, and an author. As seen in Forbes, The Sun, ELLE, Yahoo, and more, Jenna takes an intentional and inclusive approach to help people (especially parents) implement tools that put organization and systems around their busy lives that infuse calm and more joy, helping them go from ‘Chaos to Calm,’ which doubles as the title of her debut book that launched in May 2023.

What Did We Discuss?

In this episode, we chat with Jenna about creating more time, less stress, and understanding how we, as parents, can spend more hours appreciating our families and living our lives with intention and joy! Here are several of the questions that we covered:

• What actionable steps can parents take to begin to reduce the stress and chaos in their lives?
• Sometimes, the chaos feels so overwhelming that it’s hard to know where to start. How do you recommend that overwhelmed parents take the first step to gaining control?
• I’ve heard you speak about “owning your calm.” Can you elaborate on this idea?
• Which habits are most important to reduce the chaos of your daily life and increase your calm?
• How can communication and what communication tips can help busy parents create more calm?
• What role does community play in helping parents feel less overwhelmed? How can parents find their community when they may not have one already?
• I know you talk about self-care as an essential part of creating calm. How do you suggest parents start to care for themselves if this concept is foreign to them?

Jenna’s Resources

• Website: jennahermans.com
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Raising humans is a tough job, and it looks different for everyone. There are countless parenting skills and qualities of a good parent that aid in successful child-rearing, but that doesn’t mean you must have every single skill under the sun mastered to be a good parent.

Most parenting advice should be taken with a grain of salt, but if you ever question whether you’re on the right track, you probably are. You’re most likely a good parent if you know how to do these 12 things.

12 Parenting Skills That Mean You’re a Good Parent

Here is a list of parenting skills to work on that can help you be a good mother or parent.

1. Listen

Kids have a lot to say. Parents need to take the time to listen — truly, actively listen — and show interest in what’s on their kids’ minds. This parenting skill allows children to feel heard and seen and paves the path for long-term trust.

If you take the time to listen to your children and let them know that what they have to say matters, you’re a good parent.

2. Communicate in a Healthy Way

Active listening is a huge part of healthy communication, but our job as parents doesn’t stop there. Our parenting skills should include being mindful of our tone, body language, choice of words, and so forth when communicating with our children. They’ll carry the communication and relationship skills we teach them for a lifetime.

If you practice healthy, open communication with your children, you’re a good parent.

3. Lead by Example

Expecting respect, kindness, responsible decision-making, etc., is one parenting skill, but showing it all and watching it come back tenfold is another. As parents, we have the incredible opportunity to be our best selves so that our kiddos can be their best. Words are powerful, but children also need us to lead by example.

If you practice what you preach and try your best to lead by positive example, you’re a good parent.

4. Be Your Child’s Safe Space

I’ve heard that every child needs at least one adult who makes it known that they think the world of them. The world is tough enough as it is. By committing yourself to being your child’s safe space when the rest of the world is everything but that, you provide them with the calm and security every person deserves.

If you continually serve as a safe space for your children to turn to, find comfort in, and simply be exactly who they are, you’re a good parent.

5. Have Fun

As a famous saying goes, the days (and nights) may be long, but the years are so darn short. Getting caught up in the mundane routines society tells us to structure our days around can be easy, but being intentional about having fun changes everything. By enjoying your children and your inevitably limited time with them, you’re making space for happy childhood memories and grateful hearts.

If you laugh, play, make memories, and have fun with your children while you still can, you’re a good parent.

6. Apologize When an Apology is Due

Excellent parenting skills include swallowing pride and taking accountability when we mess up. Sometimes, that means apologizing to our children. And making a genuine effort to do better going forward.

If you let your children hear “I’m sorry” when appropriate and without hesitation, you’re a good parent.

7. Be Consistent

Children need consistency. Even though each of us will slip at some point, setting boundaries and aiming to create a stable environment where our children can thrive is an essential parenting skill.

If you’re consistent in a way that’s fair and loving, you’re a good parent.

8. Allow Room for Mistakes

Nobody is perfect — including children. They’re constantly learning about the world and are bound to make mistakes. Just like we all are. Allowing room for those mistakes is a critical parenting skill to ensure our children know they are loved and celebrated for who they are.

If you lovingly support your children through the ups and downs, you’re a good parent.

9. Show Compassion

Parenting forces us to see other humans for who they are at their core and beyond the surface-level emotions that can sometimes be tough to know what to do with. Kindness, understanding, and empathy can go a long way for anyone; our babies are worthy of all of it.

If you show compassion to your children and try to see things from their point of view, you’re a good parent.

10. Be Willing To Grow

Breaking generational cycles is a trend in modern-day parenting. To do better than previous generations, we must be willing to constantly learn, grow, and do things differently than we or generations before us have done. Parenting isn’t just about raising children. In many ways, it’s about raising ourselves alongside them.

If you’re willing to grow as a person alongside your children in your parenting journey, you’re a good parent.

11. Love Unconditionally

Every one of the parenting skills on this list is only possible by first practicing the greatest skill of all: the ability to love unconditionally. Children must know they don’t have to “earn” your love. Instead, it’s already (and always) there.

If you love your kiddos unconditionally, regardless of any mishaps or tribulations that may come, you’re a good parent.

12. Give Yourself Grace

In figuring out how to be a good mother, we can do a lot for our babies, but we can’t do everything. None of us can. Honing the parenting skills that matter requires us to give ourselves grace.

If you show up for your children daily, love deeply, parent joyfully, and give yourself grace, trust me . . . you’re a good parent.

If the parenting skills here matter far more to you than those such as time management of sports and extracurriculars, Pinterest-perfect birthday parties, and mastering by-the-book baby sleep schedules, then you’re doing an excellent job. And you’re a good parent.

Every woman knows motherhood will change her life in lots of ways. Her body is about to endure something unimaginable and miraculous; how could life not change after you have a baby? But many more changes are coming your way than loose belly skin and lack of sleep (although, yes, brace for those, too). Your entire outlook on life will feel a seismic shift. Your top priority will no longer be new living room furniture or a trip to Hawaii. Instead, it will include things like a high-end stroller/car seat combo and organic cotton burp cloths.

You will also find a new sense of self once you become a mom. You’re a total rockstar, and you know that now more than ever. (Even if your “rockstar” look includes dark circles under your eyes and crusty spit-up in your hair.) Motherhood will change you in more ways than you can ever imagine, and even though you barely recognize your life now, you realize you wouldn’t have it any other way.

Here are 20 changes to embrace now that you’re a mom — most of them for the better, but all are 100% worth it.

1. You Look at Yourself and Your Body Differently Now

Sure, maybe you thought you were strong before. You ran a couple of 10K races, pulled an all-nighter or two, and believed in your ability to do hard things. But then you became a mom, and a whole human grew inside of you and emerged from your body. You went from “I’m pretty tough” to “Holy cow, I am a vessel of superpowers, and there is nothing this body can’t do. I am a superhero.”

2. You Have a New Concept of ‘Freedom’ or ‘a Break’

Before becoming a mom, you longed for Saturday and a break from work when you could sleep in or go for a hike or day drink with your best friend by the pool. Now, you long for an uninterrupted shower. Freedom looks like a solo trip to Target, and “getting a break” means it’s your turn to sleep through the night.

3. You’re No Longer Willing to Sacrifice Sleep

Gone are the days of partying until the wee morning hours (or partying at all). You desperately crave a grownup night out, but your girlfriends invite you to a concert that starts at 9 AT NIGHT. And it’s 30 minutes away. You know it will be a blast, but right now, knowing there’s a chance you might be able to get some sleep during those late-night hours before the baby wakes you up at 3 a.m., you’ll have to pass. Try again in a few years?

4. The Words ‘Safety’ and ‘Danger’ Have New Meaning

Suddenly, the world seems far less safe than before as you see new dangers everywhere. Before becoming a mom, you weren’t bothered by friends smoking nearby, and you were probably unfazed when someone sped past you down the road. The slightest hint of tobacco makes you grab your baby and run. And unsafe drivers make you rage as you glance at your innocent babe snuggled up in her car seat. You’re desperate to keep her safe from every danger and feel helpless knowing you can’t.

5. If You Weren’t a Germaphobe Before, You Are Now

You have hand sanitizers on every table, counter, and shelf in your house, ready to douse anyone who wants to touch your baby. And if anyone even thinks about coming over with a cough, sorry, Uncle Steve, but you’ll have to do a meet-and-greet from the window. You see invisible germs everywhere, on everyone, and every tiny sneeze from your baby’s adorable little mouth sends you into a spiral of Google searches.

6. Your Financial Priorities Shift

Suddenly, you don’t need those new Lululemon leggings with the urgency you had before. However, your baby MUST have that hand-made romper with pumpkins for Halloween, and you don’t care what it costs.

7. Your Bladder Will Never Be the Same

The good news is you can pee on demand for the rest of your life. This comes in handy when you’re on a road trip and never know when you’ll pass another rest stop, so you must take all the opportunities you can get. However, the bad news is you will always and forever feel like you must pee from now on. And that comes in handy . . . well, never.

8. Your Boobs Will Also Never Be the Same

Especially if you breastfeed, by the end of an entire pregnancy followed by months, maybe years of nursing. Let’s say your boobs will have been through some battles. They’re tired, and they look tired. But they did their job, and you’re grateful for them. Just invest in some good quality bras that lift those puppies back up — they’ll need all the support they can get.

9. Your Relationship Will Undoubtedly Feel a Shift

This is a hard transition and unlike anything you two have been through before. You might resent your partner with their pointless nipples at 3 a.m. as they snore away next to you while your baby chomps down on your boob for the 87th time that day. You might start the “tired Olympics” and compete over who is more exhausted — the person who has to get up at 6 a.m. and go to work all day or the one who is home with a crying baby who poops all day. And sex? What is that?

But remember that becoming parents is hard on every relationship as so much is new, so much is scary, and so much is exhausting beyond comprehension. You are a team, even if it doesn’t always feel like you are. Try to step in for one another, give each other breaks, hold hands, and look at each other with pride — you created something amazing, and you’re doing a good job.

10. Your Friendships Are Different, and You Bond With Other Moms Now

That doesn’t mean your kid-less friends aren’t still important to you; of course they are. But the truth is, they don’t get it. They don’t get why grabbing drinks after work is a no-go now because you want to get home to squeeze your baby or why you’re too tired for game night now when before, you’d never miss it. They don’t get why getting all dressed up for a girls’ night out is too much work when none of your clothes fit, and your boobs leak through your shirt all day. You love and miss them, but you suddenly have a far easier friendship with a mom friend who is always elbow-deep in dirty diapers, hasn’t showered in four days, and has spit-up stains on her couch.

11. The Future Seems Scary Now But Also Thrilling

You dream of what this tiny baby will look like as a kindergartener, a teenager, and a grownup with their own life and career. Will they be a teacher? A doctor? A veterinarian? An actor on the big screen? Will they get married? Have children of their own? Will they be tall? Short? Look like you? Look like Dad? But the future is also riddled with anxiety as you now have to write a will specifying who will care for this precious little person if you and your partner turn to dust tomorrow. You’re forced to have hard conversations and imagine heartbreaking scenarios you don’t want to have to think about, but that’s the harsh reality of parenting.

12. You Have a Newfound Understanding of Joy and Making Memories

Before parenthood, you dreamt of trips to Paris. Now, just staring into your baby’s eyes, catching their first smile, and hearing their little coos — that’s all you need to feel true happiness and fulfillment. You used to spend your weekends adventuring to new places and splurging at new restaurants, but now your weekends include walks to the park and snuggling your little one on the couch. And they’re the best weekends you’ve ever had.

13. You Realize How Much You Can Endure and What You Will Do for Your Child

After that grueling labor and delivery, you now know how strong you are and that you can and will do anything for your child. You have immeasurable strength, and you’d run through fire in a heartbeat to protect them from harm. You understand what “Mama Bear” means, and you feel your own Mama Bear instinct coursing through your veins, ready to fight anyone who hurts your kid.

14. You Realize Why Your Mom Took Forever To Get Out of the House

After running back inside to grab more diapers for the diaper bag, and then more wipes, and then a change of clothes for the baby, and also a jacket in case it gets chilly out, but also a bathing suit in case it’s hot and there’s a splash pad where you’re going, plus the sunscreen, some snacks, sippy cups, bottles. Now, where on earth are your keys? You haven’t had a sip of coffee yet, so you better grab one to go. Have you brushed your teeth? Better to re-do. And since you ran back in, you might as well pee one more time. So, yeah, you get it now. And you call your mom to apologize for all the times you whined about her taking too long.

15. Your Priorities Change

Your career still matters, and you still want a clean house. You want to grab happy hour drinks with the girls. But there’s a new item at the top of that list now, and nothing will ever be more important than this new human in your arms. Suddenly, your IG scrolls include “best baby swing” instead of “cute boots for fall.” Your life goals might not include climbing the ladder at work anymore, but rather, you are more focused on making sure your baby meets their milestones and is growing up healthy and strong.

16. You Feel a Love You Never Knew Existed

Your fellow mommy friends tried to explain it to you. So did your mom, grandma, aunts, and every other mother you know. But no one can truly convey what it feels like to hold a tiny person in your arms that you created. Suddenly, your heart feels like it has grown three times its normal size, and you know you’d run off a bridge without hesitation to save this new little life.

17. You Understand Why Moms Laugh at the Notion of Work/Life Balance

Before becoming a mother, you scoffed when your coworkers (who were parents) refused to take extra shifts or stay late. You wondered why they always looked so tired and never wanted to meet after work for a fun social event. But now you 100% understand and find yourself booking it home or to daycare pickup as fast as possible so you can scoop up your child and soak in their sweet baby scent. You know, now, that there is no real “work/life balance” but rather, there’s “go to work because you need an income and spend as much time as possible with your kids when you’re not working,” and people call it “work/life balance.”

18. Your House Will Never Again Be as Clean as You Want it To Be

And if it is, that probably means you feel guilty because you ignored your child all day. Remember work/life balance? Well, there’s no balance anywhere else in life, either. Every second you do something other than spend quality time with your baby, you feel like a bad mom, but you know you have to wash the dishes, do the laundry, and pay the bills. So, how do you do it all and not feel guilty? Let us know if you figure that out.

19. Your Idea of Self-Care Changes

Should you sleep, drink more water, walk alone, take a hot bath, get a pedicure, or take a day off to do some solo shopping to ensure you can be the best mom you can be? Yes! You should. Will you do those things, though? Unless you can manifest a time-making machine that adds extra hours into the day and you can grow a money tree in your backyard, probably not.

20. You Wonder How You Lived a Day Without This Miracle in Your Life

But you’re forever grateful that you won’t have to live another one without them. No one can anticipate what their life will look like after bringing a child into this world. Will their baby be fussy or calm? Have unique medical needs? Will both parents work? Will one parent stay home? What does Mom’s maternity leave look like? How is Mom doing, emotionally and physically? You can plan it all out, but life often throws you curveballs, and sometimes those curveballs are called “NICU,” or “C-section,” or “colic,” or “low milk supply,” and you have to readjust your plan.

No matter what, one constant remains for all of us — you will love that child unconditionally and realize that you would do anything to keep them safe and happy when you meet them. Because you’re a mom now, you know that you’re on Day 1 of the most important job you’ll ever have.

If you’ve never been flying with an infant, you might hesitate to take the leap and go for it the first time. If you have had the experience though, you can probably understand why I say this. As if traveling with a baby weren’t intimidating enough, flying with a baby can take the nerves (and logistics planning) to a whole new level.

Flying with an infant doesn’t always equate to a total flop. In my experience, it often goes much more smoothly than you might anticipate. However, we should try to keep our expectations realistic for parents who are flying with a baby. Even more, we shouldn’t judge them. Here’s why.

Don’t Judge Parents Because Babies are Babies

And they’re people, too. They have a right to travel. Via stroller, car, bus, train, and, yes, you guessed it, airplane. They’re still babies and will behave accordingly, even when flying. Crying, pooping, you name it. It’s all a natural, normal part of being a baby. It’s unreasonable to expect anything else from babies. We shouldn’t judge parents for taking them along and flying with an infant.

Nobody Wants Flying To Be More Uncomfortable Than It Already Is

Flying isn’t glamorous unless you’re an A-list celebrity jetting off in your private aircraft. Airplanes are cramped and stuffy as it is. Add in a bit of turbulence and a lasting whiff of a fellow passenger’s airport takeout, and you’ve got nobody’s ideal environment. Trust me; nobody wants the ride to be any more uncomfortable than it needs to be, including parents flying with a baby. Everyone’s just trying to get from point A to point B. We shouldn’t judge anyone, including parents, for doing what they must do to get through a flight.

Flying is Hard for Infants Too

No matter how well you plan a trip, traveling is bound to disrupt any baby’s sleep schedule, feeding schedule, and entire daily routine. Traveling is hard on babies, but that doesn’t mean parents flying with an infant aren’t doing their best to make things bearable. For babies and fellow passengers. And we shouldn’t judge them for it.

Flying With an Infant is Trying for Everyone

While traveling can easily throw any baby off, parents are left to deal with the dreaded disruption of sleep schedules, feeding schedules, and daily routines. In a perfect world, we’d all choose to snap our fingers and arrive at any destination quickly. The whole family in tow. Without any of the added stress that comes with flying. Like checking ALL the baby gear, hauling a stroller, car seat, and diaper bag – plus carry-ons – through the airport, and, of course, making it through the flight. That’s just not possible, though, so we shouldn’t judge parents who have no choice but to be traveling with a baby on a plane. They’re probably already stressed (not to mention exhausted) enough.

You Don’t Know What’s Going on in Someone’s Life

As cliché as it sounds, you never know what’s happening in someone’s life. Perhaps that frazzled young mom with an even more frazzled new baby is doing everything she can to get to her sick grandmother’s bedside in a desperate attempt to make sure the most recent and eldest generations connect face-to-face while there’s still time. That family of four with two under two? They might be on their way to the first of many magical family vacations they have dreamed of giving their kiddos ever since they were children but didn’t necessarily get to experience themselves. Regardless of what’s happening, you never know what’s happening in someone’s life. Including when or why they’re traveling. It’s important to keep basic humanity in mind and give grace to parents flying with an infant. Not to judge them.

Everyone Has a Right to Choose How They Want to Travel

When you book a flight, you agree to the airline’s terms and conditions — not your own. Every single one of us gets to determine how we want to travel. No one has the right to take that ability from someone else. Including parents flying with infants. Because at the end of the day, they have a right to fly, too, and we shouldn’t judge them for it.

No matter how often it’s been done, flying with a baby can be nerve-racking for any parent. It’s impossible to predict how a baby will react to traveling on an airplane, but that shouldn’t come as a surprise. Whether you’re a first-time parent debating whether it’s worth the risk or a childless frequent flyer with your thoughts on the topic, there’s no need to judge parents flying with an infant.