Birthing a human is the most surreal thing I have ever (and will ever) experience. Every woman deserves the utmost support in how she chooses to put her body through such an experience. So, if pushing your baby out at home is your style, you’re in good company because plenty of celebrities have also had successful home births.

15 Celebrities Who Had Home Births

Here are 15 celebrities who had home births and shared their stories with the world.

1. Hilary Duff

 

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Among the many celebrities who had home births, Hilary Duff has always been willing to share her motherhood journey publicly. Her home birth with her daughter Mae was no different. “Feeling ready to share some photos of Mae Mae’s birth day!!!” she wrote in a very personal and heartfelt IG post. “For me to feel safe during birth and get to where I need to go, it’s crucial to have the right support system. The perfect amount of space, counter-pressure, humor, stillness and people that support my power. My hubby is the most calm anchor in the room when I feel like climbing the walls and my little Molly is an extraordinary doula who sat with me when I needed to be still and quiet. She quite enjoyed the fact that I was sitting on doggy puddle pads as my water had broken hours before 🤣 My own mama was there to make all the snacks and watch with a big nervous smile as her baby brings her a new grandbaby earthside. The help that I have to support my other children while I am not able is maybe the most comforting thought of all. All hands on deck. Forever lol.”

She also gave her love and support to mothers for all their labor. “This is hard work…every way a woman brings a baby in is. From getting pregnant, to C-sections, hospital or home births, the breastfeeding journey (oy vey that one gets me every time) and raising these little beings responsibly to be stand up, confident, kind citizens of the world. It’s completely consuming. A tedious, magical, miraculous adventure…So cheers almighty mothers. You make mountains move daily ♥️”

2. Gisele Bündchen

The Brazilian model says in “Man in the Arena” by ESPN that her ex-husband Tom Brady initially resisted the idea of home birth. “He was like, ‘Absolutely not,’ and I was like, ‘Excuse me, you don’t get to choose that, it’s my body.’ He was like, ‘Who has a kid at home in 2000…?’ I do.”

Luckily, Bündchen stuck to her guns, and Brady eventually came around. The proud dad shared that he fondly looks back on the home birth. “Me being there with G at his birth in our home, it lives in my mind. I think we brought this boy into the world in the most precious way,” he says.

3. Kehlani

 

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Singer-songwriter and dancer Kehlani announced in 2019 that she’d given birth to her daughter Adeya at home. “& to my greatest flex of the decade…” her IG caption reads. “In the bathroom at the crib in Oakland in the morning in March… thank you 2019 for the greatest gift of all time. hardest and greatest thing i’ve ever done. a year i will never ever ever forget. Adeya Nomi Parrish THANK YOU FOR ALL THAT YOUVE GIVEN ME!”

She also added in another IG post: “Unmedicated home birth was the absolute hardest yet most powerful thing I’ve ever done.”

4. Alanis Morrisette

 

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Alanis Morrisette shared in an interview with People that her home birth with her daughter Onyx was fast but “gnarly.” “It’s not meant to be all clean and perfect,” she says. “We are animals.”

Morrisettte also describes how her midwife couldn’t arrive in time, so her husband Souleye coached her and caught the baby. “I’d seen so many videos of women giving birth in water with dolphins and fields. I knew that the babies, when there’s a low-risk birth, come out in whatever way they come out.”

The singer also confessed to learning not to shame other moms. “I was one of those horrifying younger women who had a lot of opinions for a woman who didn’t have a baby. And then, as soon as I had a child, I just shut my mouth and just celebrated any way a child comes into the world, any way a mom wants to do it: ‘How can I help?'”

5. Alyson Hannigan

 

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“How I Met Your Mother” star Alyson Hannigan says a home birth made complete sense for her. “I don’t like hospitals and the idea of being in labor somewhere I don’t like at all wasn’t how I wanted to bring my kids into the world,” she tells Yahoo Parenting. “I thought, ‘Where am I most comfortable?’ For me, the choice [to give birth at home] was phenomenal. We had a midwife but we asked our doctor if he needed to be there. He said, ‘Sure, but you don’t need me. A midwife does everything I do.'”

She adds this adorable tidbit about how her older child responded when it was time for her baby sister to arrive. “We asked Sati if she wanted to watch her sister being born and she said, ‘Call me and check in.’ So we did and she said she was busy playing Barbies. But she did want to change Keeva’s diaper.” We wonder when the novelty of diaper changing wore off for big sis.

6. Ashley Graham

 

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Powerhouse supermodel and supermom Ashley Graham is also among celebrities who had home births. She gave birth to all three of her children at home — a son in 2020 and twin boys in early 2022. An article in Shape reports that the experience made Graham feel invincible. “I have to say, now that I gave birth and I did it naturally and I felt everything, I feel like there’s nothing I can’t do,” Graham said in an episode of her podcast “Pretty Big Deal.” “There’s nothing that could come my way where I say, ‘Oh, that’s too hard, I can’t handle that.’ I went through laboring for six hours naturally at home.”

That belief in herself and her body led the proud mom to do it again but this time with twins. Graham explained in her podcast that having her babies at a hospital would have been anxiety-inducing, leading her to opt for a calmer at-home experience.

7. Gigi Hadid

 

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When COVID restrictions meant her mom and sister wouldn’t be present at the birth of her baby, Gigi Hadid also joined the ranks of celebrities who had home births. The soon-to-be mom says she was influenced by the documentary “The Business of Being Born,” which looks at hospital interventions and shows successful home births. “What I really wanted from my experience was to feel like, ‘Okay, this is a natural thing that women are meant to do,'” Hadid said to Vogue.

The new mom also describes the experience as primal, saying with pride, “I was an animal woman.” She tells Vogue the pain was intense, but she knew she had to endure it. “I had to dig deep. I knew it was going to be the craziest pain in my life, but you have to surrender to it and be like, ‘This is what it is.’ I loved that.”

8. Teyana Taylor

 

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Teyana Taylor gave birth to both of her daughters with her husband, Iman Shumpert, in their home bathroom. After her first daughter was born, Taylor shared an adorable picture on Instagram, saying, “On Dec 16th at 6:42am in our bathroom Junie decided she wanted to take her first breath into this world. She came out as a wonderful surprise to everyone! Not knowing I was in labor until I felt her head…it took two ten count pushes with my fiancé playing Dr and she entered this world into his bare hands!” Taylor continued, sharing how Shumpert “handed her to me wrapped in our bath towel and wiped her face for me to see what LOVE really is.”

For Taylor’s second home birth, singer Erykah Badu (who is also a doula) was present to help with the delivery. Badu shared a video on Instagram to welcome the baby and thank the couple for letting her assist them. Taylor proudly captioned her own post, “Now…when we buy homes, we always find a bathroom with great energy… but not in a million years would you be able to tell me we’d deliver both of our daughters in a bathroom without the assistance of a hospital! Our newest edition entered the world in the water and came out looking around and ready to explore!”

9. Rachel Platten

 

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Rachel Platten lived her ultimate “fight song” through 2 ½ days of labor while joining other celebrities who had home births. She says she has no regrets about giving birth to her daughter Sophie via home birth, which made her feel incredibly strong.

“When I thought I couldn’t take anymore, this amazing, wise little one kept whispering to me, ‘We can do this mama, we can do this.’ So I kept going one contraction at a time. I feel like a warrior and I will NEVER doubt my strength again. Thank you Sophie for showing me what I am made of and for completing our family. And Thank YOU all so much for your love and support and for allowing me the privacy these last couple of months to just be with my family and prepare for this new life. Sending you all the coziest new baby snuggles 💕” her IG post reads.

10. Mayim Bialik

 

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In a personal essay on Today Parents, actress and neuroscientist Mayim Bialik detailed her experience with home birth. “My second son was born at our house, in the middle of our living room, just under three hours after my labor began in the darkness of dawn,” she writes.

Bialik cites a few reasons women often shy away from home births, including thinking that “birth needs a hospital.” She says this is untrue, as women have labored at home since the dawn of humanity. She affirms that women shouldn’t fear the pain of labor and delivery, as many natural methods can help, like baths, massage, and homeopathy. Bialik adds that birth is “gritty and primal,” so it’s normal for women to complain and scream during it. She also says midwives know when medical intervention is necessary and can handle things like unwrapping umbilical cords but will call paramedics for a ride to the hospital if needed.

Ultimately, the proud mom says home births are “right for people who want to take natural birth to the next level: Let me birth in the place this baby was created. Let me labor on the floors I paced in anticipation, let me labor in the rooms of the house where I mused on sleepless nights what this moment would be like.”

11. Kimberly Van Der Beek

 

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Kimberly and James Van Der Beek have a brood of beautiful children and are huge fans of the home-birth process. And this time, the proud dad shared the “realness” of home birth on IG right after one of their kids was born safely at home.

“The category is: Home-Birth Realness. (Word of caution, if you’re squeamish, just double-tap and move on 👍)” Van Der Beek’s post reads. “Messy bed ✔️ Plastic sheeting underneath old sheets ✔️Old towel crumpled on the floor ✔️ Vomit bag (unused) ✔️ Inflatable birthing tub (also unused 😬)✔️ Shirtless Dad ✔️Boy in Spider-Man pajamas ✔️Happy, healthy baby ✔️ Happy, healthy Mom in her own shower right after giving birth ✔️ Water bottle ✔️And… placenta in a mixing bowl ✔️ (I warned you 😬)”

12. Ricki Lake

 

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Ricki Lake is known for her ’90s talk show, but she’s also a staunch advocate for home births and the voice behind the documentary “The Business of Being Born.” Lake says she felt a pull toward home birth with baby No. 2 after having a bad experience giving birth in a hospital her first time. She wanted to push other women in that direction once she’d experienced a successful home birth.

Lake shared pictures of her home birth on Instagram for this year’s International Home Birth Day. In her caption, she shared, “Found these gems from almost exactly 22 years ago. My home water birth in my 🛀 bathtub changed every cell of my being. Full stop.” Lake also honored birth workers and asserted, “I found my power, my passion and true calling that day in my west village apartment.”

13. Bekah Martinez

 

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“The Bachelor” star Bekah Martinez is never one to hold back or be shy on IG, so her followers probably weren’t surprised when she shared a video of what she calls “one of the most powerful, magical moments” of her life — the home birth of her son, Franklin James.

Martinez says she hesitated before sharing such a “primal” and “raw” video, but ultimately, she realized that’s exactly what birth is. “I realized that I felt uncomfortable watching myself in that much POWER,” her IG caption reads. “I realized I still had so many negative, subconscious, deeply-embedded thoughts telling me that I wasn’t feminine enough; that I looked and sounded weird. I projected so many insecurities onto an experience that was truly one of the most powerful, magical moments of my life. This is a moment worth sharing; so in advance— f*ck the haters. ♥️”

The mom of two is now expecting baby No. 3, so we anticipate another birth video soon!

14. Morgan Miller

 

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Morgan and Bode Miller happily shared the news on IG that their twin boys, Asher and Aksel, had been born at home. She says they are gifts from their big sister Emmeline, who died in 2018 in a drowning accident at 19 months old.

The twins’ birth story is one for the books, too, as the babies were born so fast that the midwives hadn’t arrived yet. Bode shares that he had been pushing on Morgan’s hips, but he says, “As soon as I let go, the baby came out… he was fully in the sac of water.” Miller says his son was in a “clear water balloon” until his feet broke through and was “covered in vernix but completely healthy and happy.”

The couple then expected a break before baby No. 2, but that didn’t happen either. “The second one came out in one push. He was totally mellow,” says Bode. After the boys were born, the midwives burst into what the Millers describe as “a jumble of mayhem.”

“It was incredible. It couldn’t have been any better if you had scripted it,” Bode says with joy and pride. And, as a bonus, they got through the entire experience while the other kids were at school. Imagine coming home to that news!

15. Thandie Newton

Actress Thandie Newton tells Today that she felt “beautiful and healthy and wonderful” when she was pregnant, so giving birth at home made more sense to her, as that is where she feels the most “relaxed and comfortable.” She adds, “For me, it feels normal, but there was a time when everybody had their babies at home and it wasn’t such a big deal.”

That’s why Newton chose to give birth to her daughters, Ripley (born in 2000) and Nico (born in 2004), and her son Booker (born in 2014) at home. When asked about her son’s birth, Newton replied, “he was born on the bathroom floor,” which was as simple as that for the proud mom.

There are many ways women can safely give birth, and in the end, we all need support, just like the many celebrities who had home births. Home births have been a successful method of bringing babies into the world since the beginning, and today, many women feel the most comfortable giving birth from their homes. It’s your body doing the work, so do what feels right for you!

When I got pregnant with my first child, I did what I do with almost everything in my life. Research. I researched every aspect of pregnancy, labor, and delivery I could get my hands on. I interviewed midwives and explored different styles of birth classes. I dove into natural pain relief techniques and the benefits of water birth. If there was a subject related to pregnancy or childbirth, I dug deep and educated myself about it, including making a detailed, rock-solid, bullet-proof birth plan.

As I approached my baby’s due date, my midwife asked for my birth plan. After reading through it, she said she thought I should add some clauses about what I wanted to happen in case things didn’t go according to my plan. Excuse me?! I thought. Things will go smoothly! I naively insisted. Nevertheless, I added a few thoughts on what I wanted if things didn’t go how I imagined. Little did I know how important those “what if” clauses would be.

The Best Laid Plans

Despite my well-laid-out birth plan, things did go sideways during my labor and delivery. After laboring for nearly 40 hours unmedicated, my cervix stopped opening when I hit 7 centimeters. We tried moving the baby back (the midwife suspected she was coming down with her head slightly tilted, which is why she was stuck). We tried doing walking squats out in the parking lot. My husband took me on a bumpy car ride. I even let the midwife rupture my membranes (something I initially refused to do). Anything to help move the process along.

But none of it worked, and after 40 hours, my body was exhausted, and my mind was beaten. I no longer had the strength and confidence that I could have my baby the way I planned. Feeling broken, defeated, and guilty, I told my husband it was time to transfer to the hospital. The relief I saw flash over his face told me he had been waiting for me to make this choice. While he felt relief, all I could feel was sadness. I felt like I was failing myself and my baby.

The Plan Goes Out the Window

At the hospital, I was terrified. I did not feel I had any control of the situation anymore and that the doctors and nurses would do things I disagreed with. I begged my husband to ensure they followed my birth plan unless it meant life or death. We gave a copy of the plan to each nurse and doctor who walked into our room, and my midwife was by my side the whole time. She knew how scared I was. And she was going to advocate for me the best she could.

Eventually, after an ineffective epidural and a doctor who threatened to section me so he could make his marathon race (he quickly changed his mind when I threatened his life if he came at me with a scalpel!), I finally gave birth to my nearly ten-pound daughter. She was born completely healthy. I had a third-degree tear, but otherwise, I was fine. In the end, everything turned out okay. But I was deeply mourning the loss of my birth plan.

It’s Okay to Mourn Your Birth Plan

As we have all experienced in some way or another, it is rare for things to go as we plan them. Giving birth is one of the number one events in life that rarely go according to plan. Some births are easier than expected, some are much harder, and some can be traumatic. While creating a rock-solid birth plan is always a good idea, sometimes things don’t work out. And we moms tend to feel a lot of emotions when that happens. One of those emotions is grief.

I grieved hard for the way my daughter was brought into the world. I was so distraught about it that I had panic attacks regularly as I got closer to the birth of my son only a few years later. It’s okay to mourn your birth plan. But here are some ways to let yourself mourn but also stay rooted in what’s important: that you did what you needed to do for your baby.

Allow yourself to grieve.

It may seem silly to someone who’s never experienced it, but mourning your birth plan is normal. If you spent months preparing to give birth to your sweet child in a specific way, and all of that went up in smoke, you have the right to be sad about it. Perhaps you had to choose interventions or medications you said you never wanted. Maybe you had to give up certain choices you wanted to be able to make. Giving birth is already an incredibly emotional event. It can be frightening when you feel out of control of what’s happening. Give yourself space to grieve the loss of your birth plan.

Do not believe the lie that you failed.

The biggest thing I struggled with after the birth of my daughter was feeling like I failed. I failed my daughter, and I failed myself. I had carefully crafted my birth plan based on my beliefs about the best birth for myself and my child. And many of those heavily researched decisions got thrown to the wind when I found myself in a hospital. And while I am grateful for modern medicine and its many benefits, a hospital birth was not what I wanted for my child. I struggled with feeling that I had not been strong enough, prepared enough, brave enough.

But all of these things are lies. When I had to make a hard choice, I made the best one I knew how. I had to protect my tired and uncooperative body and my child’s health, so I had to make a difficult choice. It has taken me years to recognize the lies and believe what was true: I made the best choice for myself and my baby. There’s nothing braver than that.

Seek counseling.

No matter how supportive our husbands are (and I had a pretty spectacular one), they can’t understand the mental and emotional toll a thwarted birth plan can have on a woman. They may reassure us that they think we are amazing and brave and did everything we could do. But they have a limited understanding of what we’ve been through. And that’s okay.

If you’re struggling with the loss of your birth plan, I encourage you to seek out someone you can talk to who is trained to help you through your emotions. There is nothing to be ashamed of in speaking to a counselor. Licensed counselors are specially trained to help people work through grief and loss and come out the other side stronger and more at peace with their experience. Do not hesitate to contact one if you are mourning your birth plan.

Don’t let fear control your subsequent birth(s).

A few years after the birth of my daughter, I was back at a birthing center in labor with my son. Despite trying not to think about it, I was terrified that I would labor for two days and end up in the hospital just like the first time. At one point, I whispered to my husband, “I don’t think I can go through that again.” And he smiled, gently brushed the hair off my forehead, and replied, “You won’t have to. This is a very different birth, and your body knows what to do. And so do we.” And he was right. Things progressed nicely After I let go of the fear and worry and focused on my body. And I finally got the birth experience I had hoped for. And it was beautiful.

Birth is an experience that no woman truly has control over. Whether you create a simple, basic birth plan or a heavily researched, ridiculously detailed one (like mine), your baby and your body will do things you never anticipated. You may have to amend or adjust your plan accordingly, or you may have to throw it out the window entirely. It’s okay to mourn your birth plan if that happens. But remember to give yourself the time, space, and freedom to grieve, seek counseling if necessary, and don’t let the fear and the lies keep you from enjoying your sweet new baby or any birth experience you may have later.

Soon after enjoying our honeymoon, my husband and I were ready to start trying for a baby. And it didn’t take long! Finding out we were pregnant with twins was a bit of a surprise. But I had told my husband I could sense it was twins in the week running up to an early scan. I was so excited!

Excitement Turns to Fear

My pregnancy progressed as normal as any. Although my morning sickness was awful, everything seemed fine. But as I was having my 16-week scan, the sonographer went quiet and asked me to wait outside while he put the report together. He popped next door with my report in hand to speak with a consultant. I very quickly realized something was wrong.

When the sonographer returned, I was told my twins were very small, and one baby measured smaller than the other. My pregnancy care was transferred to the University College London Hospital and escalated to a high-risk pregnancy. They warned me I could lose them at any moment and to brace myself for a late-stage miscarriage.

I was told my twin babies had intrauterine growth restriction (IUGR) because my placenta wasn’t delivering enough nutrients. Since my twins were identical, the risks were increased because they shared blood vessels in the placenta. Any necessary intervention for one twin affects the entire pregnancy. I couldn’t process what I was hearing. I felt vulnerable beyond what I thought I could ever be. But I tried to stay positive and took each day as it came.

Fear Turns to Panic

One day, at around 31 weeks pregnant, I noticed that one twin was moving less than usual. But everyone told me to relax and ‘see how things go.’ Late that night, however, I woke in a panic. I just knew something was wrong! We rushed to the hospital to find that my baby’s movements were rapidly reducing. So it was decided I needed to have an emergency C-section that morning. My twin daughters Lily and Amelia were born prematurely at 31+3 weeks. They were born only a minute apart.

I should have been overjoyed when they were born. But that was when the real nightmare started. Lily was born weighing just under three pounds. She didn’t cry on delivery and was rushed off to the stabilization room to be intubated. Amelia was born weighing two pounds and was also immediately taken away from me. I didn’t get to see, touch, smell, or hold them because they had to go straight into intensive care.

The Tiniest Humans I’ve Ever Seen

Eventually, I was shown pictures of Lily and Amelia – it made me feel happy and sad. I was so glad they were here. But it broke my heart to see them so unwell with their tiny faces hidden by oxygen masks. I had just given birth to twins, and I didn’t even know what they properly looked like.

It felt so good to meet them finally. They were too fragile to be held, so I just sat and stared at them. They were the tiniest humans I had ever seen. I knew I needed to be strong and they were who I needed to be strong for. We had a long and difficult three-month Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) stay before we could be home together as a family. They were so strong and overcame numerous medical obstacles and complications.

Premature Birth, Round Two

I never imagined becoming pregnant so soon after having Lily and Amelia. And I definitely didn’t expect to experience a second premature birth. It was like history repeating itself, and it crushed me.

I thought it would be different the second time. I wanted to experience a full-term pregnancy, give birth, and immediately hold my baby and not leave the hospital with empty arms. We had only left NICU with the twins in October when we found ourselves back there just seven months later when my youngest daughter arrived at 31+6 weeks via an emergency C-section.

Ella-Mai was also growth-restricted. At our 28-week scan, we noticed that my baby wasn’t growing as she should be. Another scan two weeks later showed that her head had not grown, and her stomach growth had started to tail off. I was ashamed that another baby was experiencing this. I couldn’t process that my body and placenta don’t work as they should. Immense waves of guilt, disappointment, and failure started to consume my thoughts. But I knew I couldn’t let it. My baby needed me, the best version of me!

Ella-Mai weighed just under three pounds and spent five weeks in NICU. Like her big sister Amelia, Ella-Mai has a hole in her heart. Amelia had her patent ductus arteriosus (PDA) closed while in NICU.¹ However, Ella-Mai’s remains open as it wasn’t an immediate threat to life. Every three months, we attend heart scans to monitor the hole and see if it has closed. Ella-Mai is now seven months old and has a scan soon. We hope to hear the hole has now closed.

How My Experienced Changed Me

I found strength in my belief that you can only go up when you hit bottom. So I made sure that I knew every detail of their care and was involved at every stage. Although my start to motherhood was a little different, I wanted to be the best mom I could be.

I can now look back on my premature birth experiences and feel motivated to help families going through a similar journey. I use social media to share my experiences and listen to others. Now I feel empowered to help other parents not feel scared or alone.

Premature birth and the NICU are hidden corners of pregnancy that we must discuss more openly. I hope that being transparent about my experience will help others who find themselves there. I hope to help others remember that being a parent is a tremendous blessing, no matter how you get there.

Birth trauma. It’s a real thing, and everyone’s trauma is valid. Research shows up to 45% of women report their birth as traumatic.¹ And that is heartbreaking. Not enough people have heard about birth trauma, so today, we are so grateful to chat with Teela Tomassetti, a psychologist from Alberta, Canada, and the name and face behind the Instagram account @theteaonbirthtrauma.

Teela has spent the last 15 years specializing in various forms of trauma therapy, such as domestic violence, childhood sexual abuse, tragic losses, and sexual assault. A few years ago, Teela pursued her Doctorate specializing in birth trauma. Since then, Teela has made it her mission to create a safe space to explore birth trauma survivors’ experiences, support them in discovering their healing, and shed light on this topic.

Today’s episode is about birth trauma and how to overcome a difficult birthing experience. I am honored to chat with Teela about this. She shares some incredible insight, research, and her own traumatic childbirth experience. You will leave this episode much more knowledgeable, compassionate, and empathic to all birthing mothers.

When you’re expecting a new baby and told your baby’s due date, it’s normal for a woman to get excited and fixated on that specific date, even though only 5% of people deliver on their actual due date.¹ Something about that date stays in your mind as the finish line. You look forward to it, count down the days and weeks, and think you’ll finally be able to hold your baby in your arms on that day. With my second pregnancy, my due date was Monday, February 22nd, 2021. Even though I told myself that I would probably go past that date (I went 7 days past my due date with my firstborn), I still couldn’t help but get excited for February 22nd. But that excitement turned to disappointment when my due date came and went, and I still didn’t have my baby girl in my arms.

My first birth experience was beautiful. I wanted to replicate it but, if possible, make it even better. And I did! It was a fast and amazing birth, and it was everything that I wanted. I feel so blessed and fortunate. Once I hit 40 weeks, there were things that I did to encourage my baby girl to come out and help my body to have the best chance at a fast labor. Here is what I did, and here is our home birth story with our baby girl, Lily Belle.

What I Did to Induce My Labor Naturally

Many people have been asking what I did to have the quick birth that I had! At 32 weeks pregnant, I began drinking three cups of Raspberry Leaf tea daily. I also took Gentle Birth (without Blue Cohosh) starting at 35 weeks three times a day and EZ Birth homeopathic supplement (find it here) that my midwife gave me two to three times per day. I worked out three times a week throughout my pregnancy. At 39 weeks, I ramped up my walking. I also started sitting on my birthing ball more frequently and did squats daily to lower my baby in my pelvis.

Once I reached 40 weeks, I was determined to have her that week. I did not want to reach 41 weeks again as I did with my son. So I went on even longer walks, did more squats, used Clary Sage essential oil on my feet, and did acupressure points that can stimulate contractions.

Superstition: I’ll Do Whatever It Takes

The day after my due date, I thought that maybe I should do exactly what I did during my first pregnancy the day before giving birth to my son. That day, I went on a 5-mile walk with a close friend and had a Chipotle bowl with two scoops of their hot sauce for dinner. I went to bed that night, and at 2:45 am, I felt my first contraction, and my son was born at 12:50 pm that day.

Since our baby girl still wasn’t here, I felt I needed to try the same thing with this pregnancy to encourage her to come out. Maybe it’s superstitious, but I didn’t care. I was willing to do whatever it took to get labor started naturally and have our home birth.

So, on February 24th, I went on a long walk with my son around our local park. I used Clary Sage essential oil on my feet, sat and bounced on the birthing ball, did extra squats, and did a little bit of nipple stimulation, which can be very effective.² I was also intimate with my husband. Something had to happen after all of that. I even went to Chipotle for dinner and ordered the same thing I ate the night before giving birth to my son with two scoops of their red hot sauce. I crossed my fingers that night, hoping I would wake up in the middle of the night with contractions.

My Break Down

I was exhausted and in tears when I went to bed that night. I was so ready to meet our baby girl, and I felt like I had hit a wall and was completely over being pregnant. It didn’t help that everyone around me who was pregnant was having their babies early. I couldn’t help but let my pregnancy hormones take over and cry in bed. My husband embraced me and calmly talked me through it. He said, “You’re doing great, babe. I can imagine how done you feel being pregnant and how ready you are to meet our baby. But she will be here soon. We don’t have much longer.” I calmed down and felt a little better, letting out a good cry and having his support.

I slowly drifted off to sleep but soon woke up to use the restroom, as all pregnant women do. I probably got up four times that night and stumbled to use the restroom in the dark. That was way more than usual, so I found that odd. At 2 am, I couldn’t go back to sleep. My mind was racing. I was thinking, “What if tonight is the night? Maybe the Chipotle will work, and I’ll go into labor soon.” So from 2 am to 5:30 am, I was wide awake. Finally, at 5:30 am, I fell back asleep. When I awoke at 7 am, I was beyond bummed. No contractions, no labor, no baby. I lay in bed looking at my phone, feeling that none of my efforts had worked and that I had another day of waiting.

A Sign

Shortly after I awoke that morning, my husband came out of our bathroom and said, “Hey honey, there are some blood droplets on our toilet. Are you okay?” I thought to myself, “Huh. That’s interesting. That must have happened during one of my many bathroom trips last night. I obviously am dilating, which is a good thing.” I went to the bathroom to check it out, and sure enough, I had bloody show—a great sign that your cervix is effacing and dilating. But I still had no contractions.

I then walked over to our living room, did an Instagram story saying I was still pregnant, and laid on the couch to spend time with our son. (He was out of school because we had just experienced an arctic freeze in Texas the week prior. Some of the pipes had busted in his school and caused damage. His school was closed for the week due to repairs being made.) We were lying on the couch watching TV, and suddenly I felt crampy. They were very light cramps, but they were there. I thought it was interesting but didn’t think anything of it. They continued and suddenly started coming in waves and a little stronger each time. I began to time them with a contraction timer app on my phone, and already they were each 45 seconds long and 5 mins apart.

Text the Midwife

At 8:29 am, I texted my midwife, Nanci, and told her I had some bloody show and was having some contractions. I sent her a screenshot of the contraction timer app to see that things were really happening. Nanci said that she was a little far away and to let her know when she should start heading over since it would take some time for her to get to me. I hung up the phone and tried to distract myself from the contractions. I thought that this could last for a while or potentially stop. But I was wrong. They were becoming stronger.

An hour later, Nanci texted me to check in to see how I was doing. I told her I could still breathe and talk through my contractions and would start timing them again to see their duration. I told her at 9:30 am that I felt confident it would happen that day. (Which is hilarious to think now because my daughter would make her debut soon after.)

I sent her another screenshot of my contractions at 9:46 am. I told Nanci that they were getting more painful, so she should probably make arrangements to head my way soon. She texted back, saying she was already on her way and should be at my house shortly.

Let’s Get the Party Started

Nanci arrived at our house at 10:10 am. When we walked into my bedroom, it felt like my body knew that it could let go and have a baby. I immediately had a big contraction. Nanci asked if she could check my cervix at 10:20 am. I said yes and I was 7 centimeters dilated. I was elated because I knew I was in transition labor and could get into the tub. My husband drew the bath, lit the candles, had the essential oils out, and ensured that my birth playlist was playing (I made this special birth playlist for me since I was having a daughter). I walked over to the tub and felt much better as I submerged myself.

I had two contractions in the tub, and on the third one, my water broke. It was definitely my water breaking because I felt a big release, like a gush, and the water around me became a little discolored. After two contractions, I felt my body spontaneously pushing my baby down and out. I called out to my midwife, “I’m pushing!” They helped me get into a better position in the tub to push my daughter out. I kept thinking about how intense it all felt and hopeful that pushing wouldn’t take long. (With my son, I had pushed for three hours.)

Push It Real Good

After helping me get into a better position, Nanci walked around and could feel my baby’s head coming out. My birthing team guided me with each push. After only three pushes, Nanci told me, “Get your baby, Nina.” I reached into the water and lifted my baby girl to my chest. It was 10:58 am! As I lifted her out of the water, I thought to myself how much lighter and smaller she felt compared to her brother. When I lifted Liam to my chest when he was born, I immediately thought about how huge he was! I was so happy that I was done and that she was here. I did it! Our home birth was just as I had wanted and prepared for. She is finally in my arms, and she is perfect.

She’s here!

We stayed in the tub for a little while because I wanted to do delayed cord clamping, and I had my husband get our son to meet his new little sister. It was magical.

Everyone there kept commenting on how fast it all happened. When Lisa, the other midwife, said it was only 10:58 am, I couldn’t believe it was under three hours from the first cramp I felt at 8 am to her being born. It took me three hours just to push my son out, but less than that to go through labor and pushing with my daughter. Second babies really do come faster! haha

Even though it was a fast birth, it was definitely hard and intense. But I wouldn’t choose our home birth any other way. It was everything I wanted: my birth music, my husband’s constant support, a fast labor, laboring and birthing in the tub, only three pushes, and a healthy baby. I even got the Jimmy John’s sandwich I had been craving during my pregnancy as my post-birth meal. 😉 I may have been discouraged going past my due date, but I would endure that again and again to have the same birth experience.

Lily Belle, you are an angel, and we are so blessed to call you ours. Welcome to the world, little girl!

References:

1. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/23932061/

2. https://sigmapubs.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/wvn.12116

Over the past several months, Mary Alice and I have gone over “what to expect” in all the trimesters (first trimester, second trimester, and third trimester). Now we’re ready to discuss what to expect during labor and a vaginal birth!

Mary Alice and I both recently gave birth to our babies, and we’re ready to share our thoughts and experiences about our deliveries. Mary Alice had an unmedicated hospital birth with her baby girl in December of 2020, and I, just a month ago, had another home birth with my second child, also a baby girl! We had different but powerful birth experiences, and we thought it would be helpful to talk about our birth stories and share with YOU what you may expect during childbirth.

We both had vaginal births, so this episode is about what you may expect during labor and a vaginal delivery. We’ll be sure to do another episode in the future about what to expect during a cesarean birth. But until then, we hope you find this episode helpful (even though it’s long) and learn new things that can better prepare you for your baby’s big day. Let’s dive in!

Related:

• Vaginal Birth vs. Cesarean Birth: Which is Right for You?
• What to Expect From Your First Trimester – Podcast Ep 39
• What to Expect From Your Second Trimester – Podcast Ep 44
• What to Expect From Your Third Trimester – Podcast Ep 48

Let’s talk about something that no one wants to talk about — birth trauma. No one plans for it, but it affects nearly a third of mothers. According to PATTCH (Prevention and Treatment of Traumatic Childbirth), 25 to 34% of women experience birth trauma.¹ That is unfortunate and, to be honest, terrifying.

What is Birth Trauma?

Now, let’s define birth trauma before we go on any further. Researchers define birth trauma as a perception of actual or threatened injury or death to the mother or baby.² Although that is the official definition, birth trauma extends further than that. For some women, birth trauma isn’t actually about the birth experience being harrowing or dangerous. It’s more about the loss of control, lack of support, outright disrespect by their medical team, and the overall negative emotional feeling left by the experience.

Risk Factors Contributing to Birth Trauma

• A birth plan that is not going as expected or not being adhered to by the medical team.
• Long or painful labor.
• Severe labor complications.
• Injury due to the birth process either to mom or baby.
• Unexpected interventions like an emergency C-section, assisted forceps, or vacuum delivery.
• Stillbirth or death of the baby shortly after delivery.
• An unsupportive medical team.
• Mother prone to or officially diagnosed with anxiety.
• Previous birth trauma.

How To Prevent a Traumatic Birth

The best way to deal with birth trauma is, of course, prevention. While preventing all types of birth trauma is impossible, minimizing your chance of experiencing birth trauma is possible. Here is what you, mama, can do to prepare yourself for birth and reduce the chances of the birth being traumatic.

1. Prepare yourself for birth by taking birth classes and educating yourself on what to expect from a birthing experience.
2. Set realistic expectations for birth. Birth is unpredictable and doesn’t always go according to plan.
3. Make sure your medical team is supportive. If your OBGYN or midwife doesn’t appear to listen to you or treats you with disrespect during pregnancy, it indicates that they will behave the same way when you’re giving birth. So, make sure you find a provider that is supportive, respectful, and on the same page as you.
4. Discuss your birth fears with your provider and plan for different birth scenarios.
5. Have a support person with you during birth. If possible, hire a doula. Doulas are a great support resource during birth.
6. Establish mental health support. If you’re prone to anxiety, begin working with a therapist during pregnancy. Have a plan for postpartum mental health support as well.

My Traumatic Birth Story

Experiencing birth trauma is no joke. It can lead to postpartum depression, postpartum anxiety, and postpartum PTSD. It can interfere with bonding with your baby. It can keep you up at night with recurring flashbacks. Or you may find yourself battling a panic attack while caring for your baby. I, unfortunately, know this all too well.

My first birth was very traumatic. It wouldn’t have been by the official definition of birth trauma because no one was in danger of dying, but it traumatized me. My birth left an emotional trauma that took me over two years to overcome.

Our plans fell apart.

I started my labor in a birthing center. It was supposed to be a beautiful, peaceful experience that would finish up with a glorious water birth. Idyllic, right? But it didn’t go according to plan. I experienced stalled labor that ended in a hospital transfer. They quickly hit me with the news of my baby being breech after my hospital admission. He was never suspected to be breech during my pregnancy and appeared to have turned during labor. And then all I remember is the whirlwind of multiple hospital staff tagging at me and trying to talk to me. My anesthesiologist was incredibly rude and self-centered. I felt powerless and lost, mourning the birth experience I didn’t have, worrying that I would hate my son forever for stealing my birth experience, and I was just completely emotionally spent.

My OB was wonderful, and I continued my relationship with her since my first son’s birth. But at the moment of transfer, she was completely foreign to me. I had never met her before, so I didn’t feel comfortable. I didn’t know if I could trust her. Not being able to feel trust during my birth added to the feeling of powerlessness that I was already experiencing.

Numbness replaced happiness.

Needless to say, when all was said and done, I felt numb and not bonded to my son. Instead of an intervention-free vaginal birth, I had a C-section. I was strapped to the operating table instead of holding my son after he was born. Instead of experiencing the flood of post-birth oxytocin, I was drained and numb from the heavy painkillers. Nothing about my birth felt fine.

And as you can imagine, this experience led to everything I discussed before. I suffered from severe PPD and experienced panic attacks. I had a lot of difficulty bonding with my son. And I was terrified and not interested in ever having children again.

But you know what? I survived. I moved past my birth trauma. And I will share how you can move past it, too.

How To Move Past Your Birth Trauma

If you experienced birth trauma, you might be experiencing PPD, PPA, or postpartum PTSD. And all of those can take a toll on you. You may not feel like a good mother. Or you may not even want to be a mother anymore. You may be feeling that you’re not cut out for this gig. But the truth is, you are. You need some help and support to heal from your trauma.

1. Talk to your OB or midwife about the birth experience.
2. Get a referral to a therapist specializing in trauma or maternal mental health.
3. Talk to supportive friends and family about your traumatic experience.
4. Journal about your trauma.
5. Begin a mindfulness and yoga practice.
6. Try to get ample sleep (that may mean your partner gets up with the baby at night, not you).
7. Seek out trauma support groups, especially for moms.
8. Read self-help trauma books.
9. Begin a gratitude practice.
10. Bodywork and massage.

There are lots of resources for postpartum support available online. And one of the best and highest-regarded is PSI (Postpartum Support International). They are a large international organization where you can connect with counselors, find support groups (online or on the phone), and find a lot of reading material on postpartum mood disorders. They are absolutely the best place to seek out support.

Just know, mama, you are not alone. What you experienced is valid and deserves support and understanding. And no matter how bleak it may seem, you will be able to move on and heal. You are a warrior!

For more, listen to our podcast episode, where we talk about birth trauma and how to overcome a challenging birthing experience.

Stephanie Gandelman was nearing the end of her pregnancy when the threat of Covid-19 began to affect everyday life in the New York area. Today we are honored to share her story of having a baby during the Covid pandemic.

Having a Baby During the Covid Pandemic: Stephanie’s Story

After undergoing four rounds of in vitro fertilization (IVF) for over three years and miscarrying three times, last July I discovered I was finally pregnant. My original due date was April 3rd. However, I began to feel concerned about having a baby during the Covid pandemic.

My due date approached. So did Covid-19.

My original birth plan was to carry to full-term and deliver at Mt. Sinai Hospital in Manhattan. We planned for my husband, mom, sister, and sister-in-law to all be in the room with me for support. But things changed quickly as the Covid-19 pandemic hit the tristate area hard.

My husband and I ultimately decided to induce labor a week early, on March 27. I was 39 weeks pregnant. I was fearful that if I waited, the hospital would be overrun with more coronavirus cases. Also, I was worried I might contract it there. While it wasn’t our original plan, we determined we’d rather have our baby as soon as possible without endangering the pregnancy.

On Monday, March 23rd, we received an email from our doctor’s office and the hospital. It informed us that their visitor/support person policy was changing. I would no longer be able to have my support team with me for the birth.

A very different birth day.

On Friday, March 27th, I arrived at the hospital for my scheduled delivery. No support person was allowed in the room for labor. Nor was anyone allowed to visit afterward due to social distancing rules set in place by the hospital to limit exposure. As sad as I was that my husband couldn’t be there with me, I definitely understood and respected the hard decision that the medical team had to make for the safety of its patients and staff alike. After everything we had gone through to get here, I knew that as long as our baby was okay, nothing else really mattered. So, I gave birth to our son while my husband watched via Zoom conference. Surreal, I know.

At the hospital, I was required to wear a mask throughout my labor and delivery. At first, I found the mask to be pretty annoying, and hard to breathe in. But the longer I wore it, the more I got used to it. It became a little complicated during labor because I was exerting so much energy and the mask made it even harder to breathe. I was also SO SWEATY, so my mask was DISGUSTING once I finally delivered. Eating, drinking, and sleeping were also not ideal. But again, just like anything else, you get used to it.

Since this is my first baby, I wouldn’t know what kind of labor support there usually is during a hospital delivery. But as I labored, I felt extremely supported and very well taken care of by the hospital staff. If I needed anything, such as water, ice chips, or more pain medication, all I did was push a button. Someone would be at my side in a matter of minutes to help!

My husband watched his son be born through Zoom.

Labor really was just that: labor. During labor, my husband was on the computer screen blowing me kisses every time I looked at him and waved. After pushing for two hours, my doctor informed me that I needed some help getting the baby out and recommended we use clamps. I guess that was a big deal because all of a sudden the room was flooded with eight more doctors and nurses. Honestly, it was petrifying, considering everything. Thankfully everything was okay and the baby was perfect.

I cried. A lot. And my husband cried too. One of the only times I’ve ever seen him cry in an over 10-year relationship. The nurse brought the computer over to me as I held our baby for the first time, and in that moment, when it mattered most, he was right there with me.

For the duration of our stay in the hospital, my son and I were FaceTiming with my husband as often as possible. I found his “virtual” support to be much more comforting than I initially thought it could be. It obviously wasn’t the same as having him next to me, but I felt him in spirit.  The day after I gave birth, Governor Cuomo put out an executive order that allowed a partner in the delivery room. While I could have been bitter and angry at this news, instead I just laughed. I was just so happy that my little guy is okay. I wouldn’t have changed a thing and my husband agrees.

Postpartum care in a hospital filled with Covid pandemic patients.

Normally, the hospital would keep a mother and baby for 48-hours after labor. But because of the Covid pandemic, as long as baby and mom were okay, they discharged 24-hours after delivery. Also, on the day I delivered, the policy in the hospital changed from testing only Covid-19 symptomatic moms-to-be to testing every mom-to-be. Then, the postpartum floors were divided. The moms who tested negative were on one floor, while the moms who tested positive were on another floor.

My postpartum nurse was actually an angel from above. I had a very large tear on the right side of my vagina, so I could barely walk. Every few hours when my nurse came into my room, she’d give me my meds and go to the bathroom with me. She’d prepare my ice pack, topped with a pad, topped with witch hazel pads, topped with cooling spray, that all went into a pair of mesh underwear. These underwear ice packs saved me for the 24 hours post-delivery in the hospital, and then for a solid week once I got home.

Going home!

My plan was always to go straight to my parents’ house after delivery to spend the first couple of weeks at their place. We always felt as though this baby was as much theirs as it is ours. We were so looking forward to spending this special time together. We’re missing them already, as well as the extra help they could have provided. Once it started sinking in that this would not be an option for us because of the Coronavirus, it definitely left me feeling more anxious about life post-delivery. However, we are 1-week postpartum and doing just fine.

Despite all the challenges, we’re so thrilled to finally be parents to the most delicious little guy. We feel so extremely blessed.

Thank you, Stephanie, for allowing us to share your story of having a baby during the Covid pandemic! We are so thankful you and your baby are healthy and home safe!

This post is not intended to be medical advice and reflects only the opinions and experiences of the author.

Raise your hand if you’ve spent hours planning your labor and delivery, writing down notes on a piece of paper, talking it through with your partner or support person, just to find that labor does NOT go as planned . . . well neither did mine. And while most labors don’t go as planned, it is important to be mentally prepared, mindful of your own body and to feel empowered enough to make your own decisions. Here is the story of how my labor stalled and ways you can be better prepared to not be in the same boat.

Apart from endless “morning” sickness that lasted well into my third trimester and occurred at any and all hours, and the sixty-plus teenage student dilemma’s I dealt with on a daily basis, I had a pretty smooth pregnancy and was eagerly awaiting my baby due on Christmas.

Early December, I was told I’d be delivering sooner than later because I was already 3 cm dilated and three weeks away from the finish line. From that point on I had weekly appointments.

4 cm . . . 5 cm . . . 7 cm they said . . . but no baby yet.

Well, four days away from my due date, I went to the hospital thinking that my water broke. My bladder probably got kicked around a little, because they didn’t break. But due to the fact that I was 8 cm dilated they kept me at the hospital. The contraction monitor was showing consistent contractions at 5 minutes apart even though I wasn’t feeling them . . . Then at 3 minutes apart, I still was not feeling them. The doctor wanted to break my water and induce me even with my baby still so high up, but I came in wanting a natural labor and I didn’t see a reason to get induced. That didn’t stop the curiosity of how I was possibly 8 cm dilated and not in active labor…

Within twenty-four hours, I had six different nurses and a doctor check my cervix to see how dilated I was. With it being my first pregnancy, I didn’t know any better. I mean I knew I wasn’t feeling like I was in labor and I wasn’t getting any more dilated nor was the baby dropping any lower, but I continued to go with the flow of people constantly checking my cervix. Even as my cervix started to bleed from the constant checks, the nurses assured me that this was normal. If I knew now what I knew then, I would not have let anyone check my cervix, especially not so often. I knew I was pretty dilated, but my with my water intact, baby high up, and no pain, I was far from being in active labor regardless of what the contraction monitor was showing. The doctor finally told me that my labor had stalled and the contractions had slowed down plenty.

‘Stalled?! What do you mean it stalled?! What does this mean? How is this possible? Should I let them induce me?’ So many questions going through my head. The nurse was pushing toward me getting induced at this point. I cried. ‘What do I do’ I thought? I wanted the best for my baby and I felt like a horrible mother at this point with all the ‘what ifs’ running through my head. If it weren’t for my husband who was so supportive and reminded me that this is my body and my choice and that I wanted a natural labor, I could’ve had a different story. In tears, I believed him and I checked myself out of the hospital.

I finally got to relax and could hear myself think once I was in the comfort of my own home. I ate a big dinner, did some exercises on my exercise ball, watched a movie with my husband, and went to sleep in my comfortable bed. The next morning, my water definitely broke all over the floor. I didn’t panic. I took a shower, had a small breakfast, and then went to the hospital. This time, I was sure I’d meet my baby soon. I did end up having to get pitocin since he was still so high up and my water had broken so we needed to hurry the process. Fast forward to 7:30 pm on December 23rd, I finally started to feel the contractions. We actually celebrated the pain, and nearly four hours later after thirty-five minutes of pushing, our baby boy Leo had arrived naturally at 11:05 pm. In the end I still got my natural labor that I dreamed of, but I went through a traumatic process to get there.

So why did my labor stall and how could you prevent yours from stalling??

Labor can stall as an effect of many things. The most basic being discomfort. When you are simply uncomfortable and feeling a great load of emotional stress, your body reacts and decides it’s not time for your labor to progress just yet. Emotional stress can be brought on by a number of things having to do with fear about labor and delivery, an environment or process that is making you feel unsafe and violated, or sexual abuse trauma. This was the case for me. My body had been so violated with excessive cervix checks!

My advice? Do not freak out! Just breathe. Change up the environment. Go for a walk, take a shower, watch a movie, and most importantly know your body so that you can tell your nurses and doctors what is right and feels most natural to you. It’s your body! You know it best.

Labor can also stall if your baby is not positioned correctly; if you were induced and the induction is not working because you aren’t dilating quick enough; or an epidural has caused your body to lose sense of when to push. Doctors quickly try to come up with ways to fix stalled labor medically with pitocin, or even a c-section as a last resort. Whatever the case may be, trust yourself first, take a moment to check in with your body and mind. Be empowered to make decisions, even if this is your first time and don’t be shy to communicate with your nurses and doctor. The better you know your body, the better you can inform your doctor on how to support you.

I had my dream birth plan. It was carefully crafted, revised multiple times to include small details like the playlist I hoped to give birth to, and represented the birth I had always dreamed of. All of my diligent planning went out the window, though, when my little girl was “asynclitic” (basically, had her head cocked to one side), and we were too far into labor for them to try and correct her position. I was encouraged to push with no luck: she wasn’t budging.

My kind doctor came up to me, patting my free, IV-less hand, and said, “We know you don’t want to hear this, but baby isn’t coming out. So she’ll have to be born up top.” Tears began to roll down my cheeks: I had planned. I planned, prayed, sat on that damn bouncy ball, and resisted an epidural until I was “at a 6.”

Things I Wish Someone Had Told Me Before Having a C-Section

In the spirit of keeping it real, mama, I’m going to tell you a few things I wish someone had said to me before being wheeled into that operating room for a C-section.

1. You didn’t do anything wrong.

In my heavily medicated stupor, I began recanting everything I’d eaten, thought, or dreamt of during my pregnancy. Had I caused the need for cesarean delivery? Was this a direct result of hoping so hard NOT to have a c-section that I somehow willed it into fruition? No, sweet mama! A c-section often occurs due to medical necessity for you or your baby(ies). It does not call for fault, blame, or guilt.

2. Don’t look at the screen they put up.

This is a logistics thing: some hospitals put up a thin sheet or screen to keep you from watching it all transpire, though I am pretty sure they would have allowed me to witness it if I had asked. I was in no shape to do this, though, and only glanced at the screen occasionally to see a bit of blood splatter. I don’t recommend this for the faint of heart.

3. They might pin your arms down.

Again, a lot of surgery is logistical: my incredible team of doctors and nurses told me they “didn’t want me to feel the need to help” and would be strapping my arms down for the duration of the birth. I didn’t mind it much, but it makes you feel like Frankenstein.

4. You will talk about some weird stuff with that much pain medication.

(At least I did.) One of the things my husband regrets most in life is not recording me talking during our daughter’s birth. I talked about everything from buttholes to race relations, and he laughed hysterically. Which quickly switched to crying hysterically the moment he saw our daughter.

5. C-section “Sitches” Get Stitches—and They Dissolve Now!

A few of my aunts told me to make an appointment to remove my stitches. So I called the hospital and my doctor’s office to double-check—but it felt like I had no stitches to speak of. It turns out that many c-sections now include being sewn back up with dissolvable or absorbable stitches, glue (Dermabond), or sutures. I was thankful for one less thing to think about during the newborn phase.

6. It hurts like hell to laugh, but do it anyway.

I had multiple visitors wanting to help distract me from being so sore and tired, and the deep belly laughs that ensued hurt like a new mother. But those sweet moments of snuggling my baby girl and laughing as family came by in good spirits are some of my favorite memories of her first few days.

7. You’ll still bleed, despite not having a vaginal birth.

I thought I’d miss out on the “mesh undies and adult diapers” thing. Not only was I wrong, but I was cramping and bleeding heavily period-style for about two weeks. The bleeding lessened afterward, and I looked for signs of large clots or increased bleeding.

8. You might feel like you’re missing an organ.

This might just be what I like to call “Empty Womb Syndrome,” but I was genuinely afraid my care team forgot to put something back in after taking my daughter out. This is an excellent segue to my next point…

9. C-sections are increasingly common, and your doctors know what they’re doing.

Surrendering control is one of the most challenging parts of motherhood. It has been for me, anyway: not only can you rarely control when they enter the world, but you can rarely control how they go about it. Your doctors and nurses have likely attended dozens (if not hundreds) of cesarean births: trust that you are incapable, knowledgeable, and compassionate hands. Everyone’s goal is that mama and baby alike can thrive. Unless you feel your rights are being violated or otherwise disrespected, understand that they will do everything possible to make your birth as easy and safe as possible.

10. You will feel emotional about having it—but you did it, mama.

I’ve mentioned “birth” several times because this is as much a birth as any. And your sweet little one is now healthy and earthside with you. A c-section was not in my birth plan, but my c-section went incredibly smoothly and helped in a moment that could have become scary for myself and my little girl alike. So embrace the scar that has given you the unique and incredible opportunity to become your little one’s mama because, in the end, your birth plan should always result in a healthy, happy baby. How they arrive is meaningful, but it will not take anything away from you if this medical necessity becomes your reality.